Would you allow your in laws to discipline your child?

Question

My mother in law was kind enough to come with me to Memphis this weekend to see my husband while he's here on a job site. We brought the kids with us too. My husband went to work earlier than expected so my mother in law, my kids and I all went out to supper. My son has had a very long day at the Zoo and has been awake since 7 am with a short nap in the day so he was a bit cranky. He decided in the restaurant that he was going to get down on the floor and crawl around (we went to IHOP). I was feeding my daughter but I did tell him to get up off the floor right now and to act the like the big boy I know he is. He still didn't listen so I asked my mom in law if she could get him up. She has full permission from me and my husband to discipline our children when she has them at her home or if we aren't able to at the moment. So she gave him two swats on his behind and told him to sit up in his chair and act like a big boy. She was firm, but fair and I had no issues with it. How many of you parents allow your in laws to discipline your children when it's necessary?

Answer 1

If I liked my inlaws I might consider it...but one we don't talk to, and the other one I dislike to the point of no return...plus he beat my fiancee when he was like 12 so no...

Answer 2

I had no problem whatsoever having my in-laws discipline their grandchild.  It's part of the realm of grandparenting, and you did say that you allowed her to discipline your children when they were with her at her home, so, you've already extended that disciplining privilege to her in that manner, and since being a part of  your mother-in-law's family, she can consider that her "right" to do so when needed, especially when you asked her to intervene for you while at IHOP.  Too many threads of relationships and "rights" or privileges are automatically interwoven in familial relationships to stop such disciplining unless someone proves to be abusive, then the whole story changes.  God Bless you.

Answer 3

My thoughts on that, is that anyone you would trust to watch your children in your absence should be allowed to discipline your child (family/friends). If you asked her to tend to him while you were occupied with your daughter, then yes I would say that is okay. Obviously if you don't agree with the way someone disciplines their own child, the I personally would not leave my child with them. I have no problem with the situation you described. In my experience , my mother-in-law is not strict enough, my mother is right on target though.

RN & mom

Answer 4

If I was not there, then I would have no problem with someone disciplinling my children the same way I would. However, honestly I have never had an issue with my kids not listening to me when I am there, so I would never need to ask someone else to do it for me. Sounds like your son doesn't respect you. It seems that he knows when you are feeding your baby that you won't make the effort to discipline and so he takes advantage. My advice would be to put the baby down or hand the baby to your mother in law while you discipline your son yourself so that way he learns that even when feeding the baby, you will have no problem disciplining him.  

Answer 5

YES I WOULD

Answer 6

Although I do spank my daughters when necessary I would not want my mother or my parents-in-law to do so. I think that corporal punishment should remain between parents and children. But then I should add that a spanking in our home is a more "formal" affair than just a couple of swats on the bottom. So, in the situation you describe I would not have any problems with mother-in-law smacking the little man on his rear end to make him straighten up. Same with other forms of discipline when a child stays in grandma's home (like being banned from TV or sent to his or her room for a while).

Answer 7

Yes, I allow my MIL to discipline, provided that it's in a way of which my husband and I approve.  We also let our in - laws know that they are not to discipline our child if we are present.  We are his parents, and while we want him to be respectful of all adults, he needs to know that Mom and Dad are in charge.  When we're not around, however, we condone - and encourage - the family to discipline our son if he steps out of line.  

Answer 8

I completely agree that children should be taught to respect authority and obey and respond when they are told to do something.  I do think, though, that each family should have their own way to handle this on a case, by case situation.  For example, if I were a parent who did not believe in spanking, I would have a real problem with the grandparents spanking.  Another example is if one set of grandparents were known to be overly strict and harsh, they might spank for reasons that the parents normally wouldn't.  For that reason (among others) we do not allow anyone else to spank our children.  We do expect our children to submit to authority and to obey their grandparents, teachers, coaches..., but as far as spanking, we believe that is only for us, the parents, to do.  

We believe  that God gave the responsibility to the parents to discipline and punish our children, and to teach them to be responsible and use self control.  

In any case, each family does things their own way and there is no wrong way to handle this situation.  I think it's good that your mother in law takes such a loving interest in her grandchildren and in you.  You are very blessed! :-)

********ADD****************

That's good that you and your mother in law have the same ideas about discipline and what to discipline for.  My in laws have their own views which don't always line up with ours.  Fortunately for us, they do not try to overstep their boundaries and they have never crossed a line.  Sometimes I do wish we agreed more, but I really have nothing to complain about because we have a great relationship with them and they are very respectful of us as parents.

Answer 9

I let my in-laws discipline my daughter when necessary.  There are times when she will stay with them for days at a time and if I can trust them to keep her like that then I should be able to trust them about using good judgment in disciplining her.  Although, they probably let her get away with way more than I would!  

Answer 10

As long as it is agreed upon by both parents, I think it's okay. Being respectful, listening, and behaving, should not only be done because mom or dad says so. I would fully expect my child(ren) to listen and behave with other family members, and show respect. If not, I would hope that they wouldn't just 'get away' with it because the family is reluctant to address the behavior.

Answer 11

i agree i would let my inlaws discipline my child as long as we were on the same page of discipline. kids would walk all over the inlaws though if they could get away with anything.

Answer 12

The only way I would have my in-laws or parents discipline my children is of they were in their care ie, spending the night but never in my presence..but I have my reasons why I do not trust anyone to discipline my children..I myself was abused by my step-mother and my dad did nothing about it or was not aware and well my MIL I think I bipolar/ manic-depressive...so I don't even like her to watch my kids alone...luckily my kids are pretty good and have never really needed to be disciplined by them...as far as the crawling on the floor...my kids do it all the time...I just tell them to get up cause people are nasty and floors are nasty and they are going to get sick from germs and have to go to the hospital...they jump right up after that lol

Answer 13

I would prefer my in laws didn't, but that is because they are incredibly opposite from the way my husband and I parent. Almost every way they parented my husband is not a way we would ever be with our kids.