Would you ask your husband to get a vasectomy?

Question

my husband and i have two children, and HE doesn't want anymore. he is absolutely positive. i am the one who has to take birth control, *which i hate doing, i dont like taking pills, meds of any kind, there are many side effects that i dont feel are worth it* i respect his decision about not wanting anymore children, but should it be up to me to be on birth control when it is HE who doesn't want anymore kids?

Answer 1

explain to your husband you dont like the pill or its affects on you...

some guys just arent comfortable with someone "messing around" their area with sharp objects..

yes it would b easier for your husband to get the vasectomy but it wouldnt hurt to get your tubes tied either..

just sit your husband down and discuss the options..go online and let him see facts on both then you guys decide on what you want to do...

Answer 2

He should come to the decision himself, but in case he needs a little 'jog along', stop taking the pill, (getting rid of any health-harmful side effects) and then withold s*x until the selfish git realises that if HE doesn't want any more, then HE should do something about it!

Answer 3

Sticky situation. I totally understand. My husband and I chose not to have kids, but I'm the one who is MOST adamant about it. Since It was mostly my decision, when we had issues with BC, I began to the fight to get my tubes tied (I'm 25, no kids, no one wanted to do it for me). After talking with over a dozen doctors (all refusing), he offered up to get a vasectomy (why he can easily get one, but I can't get my tubes tied really p**sed me off). I told him, "No. This is my choice. I'm the one who doesn't want any kids. Besides, God forbid, you die or we get divorced, I'm going to be left fertile! And, I don't want that. Also, likewise, in that situation, you could meet someone else who might want kids, and you might be willing but unable to accommodate."

However, as simple as a vasectomy is, surgery is surgery. It's permanent. And, maybe saying you don't want more kids, and really making it so concerns him. Not to mention, a lot of men are weird about their "manhood." There are lots of psychological issues involved. So, I don't feel I could ever "tell" my hubby to have any kind of procedure. It's his body.

I do feel you need to discuss with your husband BC choices though. I would never stay on the the pill if it were giving me problems like that. (I had to give up the pill after my breast reduction, didn't want to risk making the "girls" bigger again.) He needs to understand that the pill isn't working for you, and you have plans to go off it. There are lots of effective BC without hormones: IUD, The various barrier methods with spermicide... You might be willing to try one of those. Or, tell him if he's serious, he might want to "consider" a vasectomy if he really believes he doesn't want anymore children.

I wish you luck.

Answer 4

I assume YOU don't want any more kids either, so sure go ahead & ask.  It is a much less complex / risky procedure than "tubes tied" or whatever for the woman.  I never understood the whole manhood thru viable s***n thing, but if your hubby has an issue there tell him to grow up.  This needs to be a mutual decision but it was the right one for us (3 kids were plenty!).  You don't need to share this with him, but everyone says it's a quick 15 minutes no problem, but it's a very rough 15 minutes (local anesthesia has to be INJECTED locally, it you catch my drift) so have some compassion for him if you two make this decision.  And please no c**p about your labor and delivery agony. Yeah we get it, it sucked, but we guys are tired of hearing about it.  Get over it already it doesn't give you a lifelong monopoly on pain & suffering in the marriage!  Most of the time it's the woman who wants kids in the first place, so by your logic it's only fair that you were the one to carry and deliver them. I do agree with other answers that the vasectomy is nice for spontaneity, although there's not much of that going on after 16 years and 3 kids, but it is nice when the opportunity arises (so to speak...!) Good Luck!

Answer 5

if you really dont want kids then yea i would ask him

Answer 6

yea if the guy is positive on not wanting children then you should definately mention it, won't hurt.  If it's a pride issue, tell him to get over it.

Answer 7

I would definitely discuss it with him. Birth control pills can be a pain and expensive. If it is in fact HE that doesn't want more children, I dont see why he would have a problem with it. And also, vasectomies can be reversed if he happens to change his mind. I would definitely consider less evasive options though, such as condoms, spermicide, diaphragms and such.  

Answer 8

NO..use condoms.

I hate birth control pills too. They make me ill

Answer 9

In this situation, I actually agree with you but since you are married the two of you need to come to some sort of compromise.  If you dont want to take the pill anymore, the two of you need to sit down and discuss the options.   If he is the one who doesnt want kids and you dont care if you get pregnant or not, it is really in his best interest that he be the one to handle this.  Condom or vasectomy would be his only options.  You could also get an IUD if you guys want to compromise  

Answer 10

Having children takes 2 people...and preventing pregnancy takes 2 as well. It should NOT be your sole responsibility to provide birth control.

If your husband is adament about being done with having children, then he shouldn't have a problem with having a vasectomy. After all, you carried both children for 9 months, gave birth and allowed your body to be stretched, disfigured and permanently changed, the LEAST he can do is to go and have a very simple, out-patient procedure done to ensure proper birth control for the future. If he has half a brain in his head, he'll be able to understand how very simple of a process a vasectomy is and compared to you having a tubiligation or being on oral meds, there is less risk involved for him, a quicker healing time and practically no side effects.

Tell him to quit being so selfish and just go get a vasectomy already!!

Answer 11

My husband had a vasectomy two years ago and we regretted it.  Thankfully he just got reversed about a month ago. Should you two ever change your minds if he does get a vasectomy, it is very costly to reverse it.  I would suggest using a diaphragm so that you won't encounter any side effects. Or he can simply use a condom.  I simply do not recommend getting a vasectomy.    

Answer 12

Well I think you could bring it up to him and see how he feels about it, but you certainly can't force it. If you don't want to take birth control or anything though it's certainly an easier procedure than you getting your tubes tied so definitely talk to him about it...ultimately it's his decision.

Answer 13

So you want more children then?

Answer 14

If he is the one that doesn't want anymore children...then he should have a vasectomy....It is the least he could do after you popped out two children....My first husband had a vasectomy after our 3 children were born...It was his idea and he had no problem with going through the procedure....

Answer 15

If someone asked me to get a vasectomy, I would laugh at the thought they were foolish enough to think I would say yes.

I would never happen, I would end the relationship first.

Answer 16

Thats like having your husband ask you if you could get a historectemy.

Answer 17

Why would he not want to get a vasecomy? I had one from my 22nd birthday.  It was the best present I could have ever given myself.  Today I am 42, and still think it is the greatest thing ever.

A vasectomy has no side efffects.  There is no scar.  It is awsome.  About half the men, in the USA, over 40 have them.  Just ask some of his peers to tell him about thier experience.  He will find out it is a piece of cake.

Answer 18

ur right & ur right 2 protect ur body. bt deposit s***n b4 vasectomy in a s***n bank

Answer 19

My husband and I have two kids and both agreed that two was the perfect number for us.After having our second,before my six week check up,he had a vasectomy.It was the best decision,by far,we could have made! It's easier on a man(local anesthesia vs.general,shorter recovery time,less expensive procedure,etc.)than on a woman.There's no need for contraception of ANY kind also...which in turn means spontaneity! (Although with kids sometimes that's not an option,lol) Not to mention,the woman doesn't have to worry about the side affects that can accompany birth control pills.The decision to be sterilized,whether it be the man or woman,should be made together,but the way we saw it was,if I was going to go through the pregnancy and delivery,he could at least have a couple days discomfort! Talk to him about it and maybe even look up some pros and cons of a vasectomy vs. tubal ligation and birth control pills for him to look over.I'm sure you both will come to the best decision for your situation! Good luck!

Answer 20

Vasectomy is an intellectually flawed procedure with an unacceptable long term complication rate. Vasectomy has been described as a permanent, safe, and effective surgical birth control method for men. Approximately 500,000 vasectomies are performed per year in the United States. This may now encompass around one out of six men over age thirty-five.

Vasectomy is now advertised on the Internet on hundreds of sites, many of which describe the procedure in detail. The post-operative pain and swelling associated with vasectomy are fairly easy to mange with Tylenol, ice packs, and a few days rest. The acute complications of bruising, swelling, bleeding, and infection are not common and usually respond to available treatments. The acute complication rate is about 2 to 5%. These acute side effects of the surgery are usually time-limited and trivial, even though fear of these issues is the usual reason cited by men for avoiding vasectomy. The longer term side effects are much more important to consider.

Many of the informational sites are not up to date and gloss over the fairly common post-vasectomy complications that men should know about before they make the decision to pursue a vasectomy. It is true that most men do well after the surgery. In fact, a recent post-vasectomy survey from the medical literature lists a 71.4% satisfaction rate, but also lists 19.3% of men with equivocal feelings and 9.3% who were dissatisfied. It also lists an incidence of post-vasectomy testicular pain of 18.7%, which affected quality of life in 2.2%. It is a small survey, with a low response rate, but the numbers who are dissatisfied or unsure are concerning. Also of concern is the incidence of testicular or scrotal pain listed in this study, which was reported by almost one out of five survey responders.

The incidence of post-vasectomy testicular pain had been variously reported in the literature. In one study, (Br J Urol. 1992 Feb;69(2):188-91.) the incidence of chronic testicular pain was reported to be 33%, with about half of these men reporting it to be “troublesome”, and about 5% of patients had testicular pain related to intercourse. That would seem to put a damper on ones sexual function and interest. Three of the 179 survey respondents regretted having the vasectomy due to chronic pain. The incidence of regret (1 in 60) for an essentially irreversible procedure seems high and merits mention in the informed consent for this procedure. In fact, this study's conclusion was, “Prior to vasectomy, all patients should be counseled with regard to the risk of chronic testicular pain.”

In addition, vasectomy causes testicular fibrosis (scarring) and can affect ejaculate volume, prostate function and cause other sexual problems via early andropause (declining testosterone levels).

Prospective vasectomy candidates should be told of the extensive research showing testicular fibrosis in all mammalian species studied to date, including humans. Fibrosis is essentially scar tissue and must have an effect on the function of the testes. The testes have two main functions: Production of sperm and production of sexual hormones (primarily testosterone). The human studies do show a decrease in spermatogenesis refelecting testicular damage. Sertoli cell support of spermatogenesis has been implicated in this pathology. This should not be surprising as men with obstructive azoospermia show similar testicular pathology associated with obstruction.

In couples who disagree about birth control issues, vasectomy can cause conflict, especially if the vasectomy was the woman's idea and the man has side effects that affect sexual function.

Answer 21

yep, tell him you dont want to be taking those pills, and tell him since he doesn't want anymore kids, to get the vasectomy!