Question:

Would you be a bridesmaid/MOH if the man your friend is going to marry treats her like c**p?

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She told me that he's been talking about giving her a ring in the very near future.

I posted this question the other night and she always told me that I would be in her wedding.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20080724155618AAY0UZi

She was the maid of honor in my wedding (she did nothing but stand up for me which was FINE but it pissed off my mother in law as she was defaulted on the shower, which i apologized for)

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11 ANSWERS


  1. You need to tell her how you feel about this man, but in the end if she is your friend then I would choose to support her and be there for her.


  2. No, definitely not. The couple deserves to have attendants who support them, and their upcoming marriage.

    That doesn't mean one cannot go as a guest, however.

  3. If you really disagree with them getting married. If you really think it is doomed to fail then you need to say something to her. Then depending on how strongly you feel and your personal morals/values then maybe you should decline being her bridesmaid/MOH.

    That is not an easy thing to do but it's your decision. Good luck!

  4. I would say if you say yes to be a MOH/bridesmaid, it goes without saying that you have to support your friend.

    If you're really against it, please say so before hand... then give the Bride-to-be the option of wheather she still wants you to be her best gal.  Chances are, if you are both tight, she will.

    After all is said and done... if you agree to support her and stand next to her on the altar, please, please, just keep your opinion about him to yourself.  She knows he's a jerk.  She doesn't need the reminding at that point.

    I was in your situation before with a friend.  I ended up being her MOH when she married her jerk boyfriend.  They are still married, and he mellowed out after they had a child.  But I can't tell you the number of times she cried on my shoulder and said she was going to leave him.

    After they got married, she tried to do the same again.  I told her I would listen to whatever she had to say, but I wouldn't bash him anymore.  I told her I believed she was never going to leave him, and loved him in spite of it all... and I hated that she kept putting me in the middle of it.  I became her support mechanism and the bad guy to him all at the same time.  He literally would spat out my name to greet me... and all I did was listen.

    She eventually stopped telling me stuff.  He systematically cut her off from her friends.  The child is now her whole world... that and work.  But that's what she chose, ya know?

    I know you feel for your friend.  But feel for yourself too.  Be honest, tell her how you feel, and if she's cool with it, stand by her.  Leave your feelings home for that one day.  Then let them be.  

    Hopefully, when all is said and done at the end of the day, you are still friends.  At least you would have been honest to her... which is what a true friend would do.

    Good luck

  5. It was one of the hardest things i have ever done. My sister asked me to be in her wedding, but i just couldnt support something i didnt believe was good enough for her. He is mean, rude, and treats her like c**p, and has abused her in the past physically. And i couldnt understand why she wanted to marry him.  I told her that no matter what i love her, and that because i love her i just couldnt see her through that. I told her she deserved better.

    All of this did not stop her however from marrying him, and having to beautiful little girls. Her marriage and relationship with him is still very F'd up. But there is nothing i can do about it, but explain to her that if she doesnt like the situation she is, she is the only one who can get her out of it.

    So i guess, choosing to decline, and choosing to stand up for her, either way your outcome maybe the same, because ultimately we all decide our own fate. All we can do as friends and family is let them know our concerns, and have them take it from there.

  6. My best friend, whom is going to be my MOH is with a guy like that and she deserves someone who would worship the ground she walks on. Have you let your feelings be known before? As in does she know you think she could do so much better. If so then I'd do it. I'd support her because he does make her happy (between the times he isn't making her cry) and she loves or thinks she loves him. You can't chose someone for someone, which at times like with your friend and mine is unfortunate.

    Good Luck

  7. I read the other question too and her situation sounds a lot like mine and I am 20 years older than her. So, I can tell you from experience, she won't be able to let him go until she is ready.

    Be in her wedding and support her even if you don't support the marriage. Besides, chances are, there won't be a wedding. He is probably just telling her there will be a ring to string her along so she'll keep helping him (see, I have learned something out of my mess).

    From my situation I can tell you, people can give her all the advice in the world but he has a hold on her and only she will know when she's had enough. For me it's been 5 years and I am still here and believe me I get a lot of advice. The best thing you can do for someone in this situation is be there for them. You don't have to like the man or agree with the relationship just be there for her. She will need you, especially during the bad times. I have one special friend that has been there through everything and I love her for that. She hates my boyfriend but she puts that aside when I need an ear, that's a true friend.

  8. BE HONEST!  You obviously don't want to be in the wedding if she is marrying this absolute jerk (i read the other posting).

    I was dating a married man who was separated, but not divorced yet.  The mother of his 3 children was being an *** and verbally abusing the kids, so we won custody of them.  Now I was an instant mom, paying the bills, coming home, cooking dinner, doing homework with the kids and putting them to bed.  He was bartending (sometimes) at night and cheating on me.  Whenever I tried to break it off, I would feel bad about the kids and wonder where he would take them etc.

    Finally I just stood up for myself and kicked his *** to the curb.  That's what she needs to do too before she wastes any more of her life on this loser.  it was the best thing I ever did.

  9. If she does decide to go through with the wedding then I would stand up for her - only because I think that she would need the support. Sounds like this guy is a real jack*** - but it also sounds like your friend is scared for some reason.

    I would probably let her know how I feel about the guy, but I would still try to be there simply to support her.

    The only thing that I would be worried about is the stress and drama. I read your other question - it doesn't sound like this guy is going to make planning a wedding go smoothly.

    Just try to be a good friend and support her. You can only say so much - she needs to be willing to listen. Doesn't sound like she is...

  10. If she decides to marry the jerk I would stand up for her, yes. Because he's gotta know that she's got some strong women backing her up and protecting her! You're there for HER, not him. And of course, he would KNOW how I feel about him and the relationship anyway because I never hide my feelings lol.

    Good luck!!!

  11. I would be honest with her. Tell you that you think he is NOT the man for her and you think he treats her badly. Just come clean and ask that as her friend you really want her to stop and think about this. Then if she insists on marrying him, you did all you could, be in the bridal party, she is your friend and that is what she wants...

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