Would you be embarrassed?

Question

My son has just been to tea with his friend after school and he has his friends mum has just brought him home.

We got talking and she happened to to tell me that my little boy who is 4 said that her house was messy and that she was insulted.

I said i was sorry and that i would speak to him about it.

Would you think this is bad manners on my sons part or would you just ignore it?

When i did talk to him he just said " mum it was messy"

I now have to face this woman at school tomorrow, would you make him say sorry to her?

Answer 1

No I wouldn't make him apologize to her. I'm surprised she was insulted if she has children of her own.  Kids say what they have on their mind.  They're children and don't know any better.  On alot of things, they have to learn as they go.  Simply tell your son that it's best to not mention it when somebody's house is messy, even if it is.  But your son isn't in the wrong, he's too young.  My guess is that the other mother is just a little too uptight.  She needs to get over it.

Answer 2

he didnt realise he was being rude-he was just being honest bless him!!! just tell him how saying things like that upset people

Answer 3

Why would you make your son apologize? You already said sorry to her didnt you, and that should be that. You also said you would speak to him about it to which he gave you a simple explanation.

You've spoken to her on your sons behalf,  you've done all you could do, and i think youre being a wonderful parent for it.

Answer 4

I don't think he did anything wrong he was speaking his mind but he maybe needs to learn to be more tactful. Some conversation about not telling people bad things but always telling them good might be in order. You have nothing to apologise for, your son is his own person not yours. If the woman has trouble wth it its because she feels guilty at the state of her house!

Answer 5

If that lady got insulted by a 4 year old saying that, then she has problems. What a dumb lady. He's 4, kids don't know. And if she's that insulted where she had to tell you then maybe she should clean her d**n house! lol

Answer 6

I wouldn't bring it up again. Kids are kids, they say the darnest things. Just tell your son to think before he speaks because sometimes it hurts peoples feelings.

Answer 7

I vvould make him say sorry, it vvas alittle rude but at 4 they are bluntly honest and dont think about it being rude.  He didnt really knovv better and sometimes kids say things that might not alvvays be very nice but they dont really understand that its not nice either.

Answer 8

What are u afraid of this woman or something???

Don't hinder your sons ability to be honest and speak his mind.   It wasn't bad manners, he obviously was uncomfortable at her house...just don't let him go over there anymore.

So what if she was offended, maybe she should clean up.

Answer 9

well she might be insulted but its a clear sign your son was annoyed or felt uncomfortable in this environment and that he likes the simpler things in life ya know tidy house happy people dont worry it wasnt you that was insulted and lets face it it musta been messy for a child to notice my son is four and on sunday whilst sitting at my mum dinner table with my mum dad my partner my brother and sister my little boy out of the blue proceeded in tellin everyone my mum had bigger b***s than me but they have to express there feelings somehow and lie i say we would complain if they wer not able to talk so dont worry

Answer 10

I would explain to your child that other people do things differently from mom and dad, and that it really is impolite to talk about other people's homes or persons.  I would make him apologize, only because it may make the other woman feel better.  Children are honest, but if you do not direct that honesty positively everything and anything will come out of their mouths!

Answer 11

I wouldnt make him say sorry, he didnt mean any harm, the little soul.

I would explain to him that sometimes you shouldnt say things out loud incase somedody would maybe feel a little hurt.

Dont tell him the other mum was angry though that would upset him.

Tell her that u spoke to ur little guy and thats it done and dusted.

She should be MORTIFIED when a little boy thinks her house is a mess and she should go home and tidy up instead of giving you grief, silly woman!!

Hope it all goes well for you x

Answer 12

yeah

i would make the lil kid apoligize....

but after taht just ignore it

Answer 13

Yes, he should apologize.  Do you, an adult, visit someone elses home, and they welcome you in only to find out they haven't cleaned up in a few days, and tell them that they keep a messy home? I wouldn't think you would, so he shouldn't either.  Even tho it may have been the truth, he didn't need to say anything about it.

Yes, he is 4 years old and still learning, but he needs to apologize.

Answer 14

You should learn your son not to be so rude,

He may have been right, and her home was messy, but tell your son if he does not have anything nice to say, don't say anything, it's just good manners, something we have lost in this country,

Answer 15

No way should your son apologise! He is 4 years olds and he speaks the truth as he sees it. Surely this woman has been a similar position with her own kids??? No Mum has got through the early years of childhood without being mortified and wanting the ground to open up at some time!!

Children are much older than 4 before they are able to use tact & diplomacy, it is something they learn later on. If they were able to have an understanding of offending people by something they say, then they would hold back from speaking altogether incase they upset someone.

My nephew asked my sister why a lady was so fat in a supermarket, within earshot of her and my sister nearly died on the spot!!! When my sister ignored him he just asked louder as he thought she hadn't heard him, the woman just turned to him and said "Because I eat too many cakes!"....my sister just smiled and apologised on his behalf and tried to explain him how it wasn't nice to say, to which he just replied "But she is fat, Mummy!"

I just wouldn't raise the issue again with this woman and just act as you did before the incident and if she dared ask if you had reprimanded him, say something like when he's old enough to understand what he did, he'll come straight round and say sorry to you, until then I can't get him to apologise for something he doesn't get a grasp of.

Answer 16

I wouldn't make him apologise, I mean, four year olds don't lie about things like that.  Her house might have looked awful, its probably done her a favour to see a straight-talking outsiders point of veiw!  But still, do tell your son that he should tell people like that, because its hurt her feelings.

Answer 17

Ha ha! That's kids for you - they tell it like it is!

I'd just say to your son  that everyone has different ways of living in their houses some people are a bit messy but it doesn't matter. Try to get him to understand that it isn't polite

to say stuff like that - impossible at the best of times I know.

I wouldn't be worried if one of my kids had said this when they were younger.

If she says owt to you about it just laugh it off!

Ha ha

Answer 18

Well, her house must have been messy if a four year old could notice that!

But I would tell him that he hurt her feelings and that he should apologize. And then I would tell him that even if he notices something like a messy house or etc. , that he should not say it to the person, and he should tell you first. That way you can kind of filter what he says. Just explain to him that he should tell you first so as not to hurt anyones feelings again.

Answer 19

i would say that is very rude since if you already know the house is messy.... just dont say it... uncalled for things i should say. make him go to her and say sorry. might lose a friend...

Answer 20

I think it's bad manners especially since she let him round for tea, tell your son that if you haven't got anything nice to say then keep it to himself. Hope I helped. x

Answer 21

I wouldnt make him apologize for speaking his mind. Kids say inappropriate things at bad times. Thats what's great about kids they tell you the truth about things like that.

Answer 22

Kids at age 4 have no idea what tact is, he was just telling it like he saw it.  She's the one who's immature, if her house was messy she should have just said, "yep, been too busy to clean lately."  But Noooo, here she is acting all put out about a four year old for crying out loud.  Don't apologize, don't have your son apologize and don't let this woman bully you into one.

I once had my nephew come for a visit, and he walked barefoot across my tile floors and said to me, "your floors are dirty, my feet are sticking."  And I laughed and said, "yep, you are probably right, why not put some socks and shoes on."

LOL.....

Answer 23

He's 4. They say things like that at his age. Don't be embarrassed. It's happened to all of us. Just let him know that sometimes we need to keep things like that in our head and not say them out loud so we don't hurt peoples feelings. Also, this woman should not be upset about it. Her house was dirty. She should clean it up maybe. I love how kids that age are so naturally honest. I think it's refreshing. Even if it is inappropriate at times.

Answer 24

Yes, he should be made to apologize. Children have to learn that just because it's the truth, doesn't mean that they can or should say it. He needs to understand that it hurts people's feelings, especially when it's true.

Answer 25

She already knew her house was messy, i certainly do. So he told the truth.

Just explain to him its impolite to point it out and let it go. How can he apologize for telling the truth?

Answer 26

well i would have been upset if omeones kid said that to me, however

he is only 4 and probably could be excused! I wouldn't have mentioned it to the childs mother! I just wouldn't have the kid around again! sorry, but kids have to learn when to keep their opinions to themself! But the women was more wrong than the child as she is an adult!

Answer 27

well a 4 year old kid generally says things how they are...

a 4 year old child doesnt understand the concept of what is right and wrong in terms of what they can and cannot say. Their brains are not developed enough so maybe your little boys friend's mother should just get over it?

insulted because he said her house was messy. This child is 4. Not 14. If he was 14 then that would be a cause for a lecture on manners...

but for now - just tell him he shouldn't say that out loud but he is allowed to think that in his mind.

Answer 28

If my son said that to someone I would kill him, its such bad manners, I would be humiliated and would definately make him apologise to her.  Cheeky little sod

Answer 29

No way.

Her house must have been messy for a kid to notice.

Kids speak as they find.

Don't make him apologise.

Answer 30

Children say a lot of things. His friend's mum needn't feel so insulted ans should put things into perspective. (and next time, i am sure she'll tidy up before having people round !!)