Would you be frustrated about this?

Question

In the past I used to always call my father back whenever I had a missed call from him, as I do with most people now that I have call display.

In an effort to renegociate my relationship with my controlling father I've decided not to do this anymore. I now call when I feel like talking to him, or if he leaves a message.

However, I've noticed that he doesn't leave a message. He'll call several times in a day and not leave a message, expecting me to return his call when I see the missed call, even though this was never an explicit agreement and I didn't call back every single time.

I find this frustrating, mainly because it seems that if he really wanted to talk to me he could leave a message just like everyone else and let me call back when it's convenient for me and I have time to talk to him rather than calling persistently and not leaving a message.

On one hand, this seems like poor etiquette on his part, but it's also part of his controlling behaviour that I'm trying to free myself from. It's not that I want to avoid my dad, just try to get some distance and figure out how to handle this.

Can anyone suggest ways to deal with this so that I can continue talking to my dad and not be subject to this kind of behaviour?

Thanks!

Answer 1

I agree with the first answer. My mom never leaves messages and that's okay. I don't think it has anything to do with poor etiquette. Change your phone number if you don't want him to keep calling. Talk to him about it. Ignore the Missed Calls messages. That's what I often do.  

Answer 2

Perhaps you have picked up some of his controlling ways...??? ;o)  

It sounds like you are carrying a lot of baggage and or pain from your perception of his controllling ways.  But some people just dislike talking to a "machine" or voicemail.  I find that is common, esp with older people. (my mom included)   Also, perhaps his call is not "urgent" per se, but he did really want to talk with you at that moment - it could have been about something trivial.  Live in the moment!  I think you can rise above this and appreciate that you DO have a dad, and he is reaching out to you.  Tell him how you feel, and simply take his calls when you can.

Answer 3

You can't make him change.  If he's going to call and not leave a message then that's what he's going to do.  What you could do is talk to him about it.  Let him know that if he doesn't leave a message then the call doesn't seem that vital and that you may not return it right away.  

But after you do that, you've only got control of your behavior.  So if you don't feel like returning his multiple calls listed on the ID then just scroll through them and ignore them.

Answer 4

just  tell  way  you feel