Would you be kind enough to class this and to comment?

Question

The Wailers

(A story from the bible)

It flew on silent wings; that which had been promised would come to those who disobeyed. No one heard its approach but all heard of its passing. Great was the wailing starting at dusk and continuing until early morn.

The family inside the humble dwelling never slept that night, even though they had feasted well on the lamb recently slaughtered. The sacrifice of an unspotted lamb and the spilling of its blood were symbolic of He who was to come.

Daniel opened the door, and the wailing became louder. His eldest son came and stood beside him, and Daniel held him close and kissed his head and gave a silent prayer of thanks.

The blood painted on lintel and door frames had dried, but the tears of the wailing women would not be dried up that day; nor for many days.

Answer 1

yes that's really nice

Answer 2

One of the seven plagues.  As a story, it is fine.  But to me it is a retelling.  I would challenge you to make it a fresh look at this Biblical story.  "Flew on silent wings" is a great start.  This is about evil versus good, night versus light, faith versus bondage, will versus oppression.  You have the skills to take this and make it something special.

Answer 3

Not sure if I know how to class, but I will certainly comment. The first two and fourth verses are interestingly awakening and all are beautiful prose. Third verse also interesting to describe the wailing, but it seems there is a missing connection from third to fourth verse. Maybe third moves too quickly. If I were not familiar with the Bible you would lose me here. I know what it is... It is the fourth verse. It's not clear if the tears of the wailing women are inside the lintel painted doors or outside. I know they are outside, but the fourth verse does not tell me that.

Answer 4

Class: Advanced.

Comment: Brilliant as usual.

Answer 5

Uhm, all I can say (trying not to be biast) is that it's very well written and has great vocab and all.