Would you be mad if you had your...?

Question

“Innocents Ripped Away”

Fidelity of a mental state

to stay the mind form unclean thought

but here in a world of evil eyes

there so no turn from the pain we’ve wrought

I sit alone to retain my youth

a power in a childs’ light

though from the wells of worldly hands

innocents relents the unfair fight

The mallet of dark pounds away

as my lone corner shrinks each clout

The fear of those that would betray

I see now that the hounds have been let out

I see that I will soon be torn

away from bed and blankets careful

into the hands of those evil men

Do not say I have no reason to be fearful!

A story of the death of innocents in the form of a poem… I see this happening all around, there is no safe place for the power of a childs’ love because these men of evil wish to rip it away from them… this has more meaning then many of my poems of late and I would love to hear your thoughts on it!

Blessed be, Siren

Answer 1

Truth be told in that poem. It is frightning but the truth. yes i would be mad because it goes against my beliefs and i couldn't stop it. Very excellent poem. lots of emotion. Great Job!

Answer 2

It's a glance into a not so nice world, that unfortunately is true. Very good job, keep up the good work.

Answer 3

You are in top form in this one with your Sirenisms. And you don't waste any time. "Innocents"= people who are innocent. Innocence= the state or condition of being innocent. Very clever ambiguity, I thought, until I come upon "innocents relents the unfair fight." This line is a disaster. If you mean "those who are innocent" the verb has to be relent (plural). If you mean "innocence relents" well what does that mean? To relent is to give in to pressure, how does that fit with "unfair fight?"

" This is beyond or beneath ambiguity, this is a mess. Let's go back to line 2. Do you mean "form" or "from?"

Line 4: "there so no turn?" Or is it "There's no turn?"

Lines 12 & 13: "I see" "I see." I don't see that this repetition strengthens the poem. Spice it up with some cinnamons, er, synonyms.

And yet, and yet, some parts of this are sublime. Reading this poem is to experience pain and pleasure simultaneously. I have made a decision not to get angry with your wonderfully maddening idiosyncrasies. You are a diamond in the rough, and sometimes it is very rough.

Answer 4

Throughout this poem, I pictured a child, a being of innocence and beauty, backed into a corner all alone, and surrounded by evil.  This is powerful and frightening.  I remember being that child, so this poem hit me very hard.  I have to say that women can be evil, too, in response to your comment at the end of the poem.  It makes for an even more terrifying world where innocence is "ripped away".  Very scary stuff, and so sadly, about an epidemic truth.  Thank you.