Would you be mad if your b/f or husband looked at p**n even though they know it hurts you?

Question

ever since we have had a baby (4 months ago) my b/f and I only have s*x once a week or every other week. Once a week he looks at p**n (or more i dont know)

its NOT that he looks at the p**n.. its that he is getting off to the p**n instead of me!

why couldnt he wait till I got home. I told him I would have gladly done it, and in various ways.

I have told him MANY times this hurts me. and all he says is big deal.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW ITS NOT THE p**n , ITS THAT HE S DOING IT INSTEAD OF ME!

should i be upset?

I dont feel like i attract him enough.

I told him i would try anything.. asked him what he prefers.. i get nothing

Answer 1

It's probably not that he prefers the p**n (or the women in p**n) to you - that's something that should be understood before anything else. He is not watching p**n because he doesn't like having s*x with you - he's watching it (probably) because you are both probably very busy and watching p**n / masturbating takes less time / energy than intercourse - does that make sense? I also think he has probably made a habit of it (like someone else suggested).

It also sounds like he has some reservations about talking about s*x - do you think that is the case? So, it might be a better approach (instead of talking to him about preferences) to clear some free time - get all the chores done, put the baby to bed, take a shower, put on some fancy thing or whatever and try new things? My husband seems more capable of telling me what sexual things he is into WHILE we are in the bedroom than like when we are just talking about it - I guess he has less inhibitions then?

Another obvious alternative would be watching p**n together. You could buy / rent some DVDs that look decent and chances are you'll both be more aroused than if you were just laying in bed asking him what positions he is into - you know?

Good Luck! Don't blame yourself!!

EDIT - this is assuming that this is only of the only major problems that you are having in your relationship. If he is showing disregard for you in other areas I might be more concerned!

Answer 2

I have the same problem with my partner - and we haven't even had a baby yet! What's hurtful is not the p**n watching, but the fact that you feel like he's using it as an alternative to you.

I don't think guys think of p**n this way though - they really so prefer s*x with a real woman. Sometimes they just want to take a lazy short-cut to release their tension though, and don't care how it makes us feel.

Answer 3

here is the thing though; if he starts looking at p**n its going to be hard for him not to m********e! I mean look at it this way. If u looked at playgirl thats going to tease u and its going to excite u and make u horny u are going to m********e!If u dont u are going to have alot of control!I would not be able to control myself i would m********e!

Answer 4

Well it does not bother some girls but il admit I have had this problem a while ago and yes I was so upset and we argued over it. I told him how  would he feel if I watched it and he said yeh fair enough it would prob pee me off too. I f he knows it bothers you I think he does not respect you enough I know some others will disagree but thats my point of view anyway.

Answer 5

Watch it with him and go from there.

Answer 6

block all p**n sites from the computer (child lock)  hide all p**n dvds or throw them away.

thats what i would do if he wouldnt listen to me.

if he says something well he has to understand that youve tried talking to him and he didnt seem to understand and this was the only way.

goodluck

Answer 7

You have a valid popint....I think men that look at p**n need to put themselves in your shoes and respect how you feel about it....What if you were gettging off on someone else...I think men would go crazy if they saw you do that daily....

And sorry hun...but its more then  once a week...he probabaly does it a lot

Answer 8

the best thing to do is talk to him about how much it bothers you (again)-  

Answer 9

So do I. So does my wife. No big deal. It's enjoyable.

However it does sound like he has lack of respect for you and in that case you need to spell it out that he's NOT GOING TO TREAT YOU LIKE THIS, okay? Be firm. If you're willing to tolerate it then please don't complain, it's totally in your hands hun.  

Answer 10

As you said, p**n isn't an issue (so that shouldn't have been your subject line). Your issue is he'd rather m********e than have s*x with you...YES, that would bother me.

The "big deal" attitude would upset and anger me too...and he'd likely find himself out the door sitting on his 'big deal'. I'm not big on tolerating disrespect in a relationship so we'd find a way to resolve the issue, or he'd move on. If I'm going to live virtually celibate, I'm certainly not going to have a fully functional male in the house who doesn't want to phuque me.

Answer 11

Have you put on weight? That will make a guy look elsewhere.

Answer 12

well honestly hun, for you to say its not the p**n its him, well thats untrue b/c if it wasn't for him watching the p**n w/out you, then u wouldn't be feeling the way u do, so the key in it all is the fact that the p**n has alot to do w/this problem, so i suggest that u talk to him about his addiction to it, and let him see how its affecting your marriage!

Answer 13

Your question is asked hundreds of time a day.  You fail to realize, that your the one with the power.  Tell him that if he does not stop watching p**n and start respecting you, then you will file for divorce.  Life is short and if something in your life is causing you hurt and stress, you eliminate that hurt and stress.  Maybe he will come to his senses and realize what he may lose if he does not stop.  Good luck.

Answer 14

I would go ballistic and would get rid of that b/f.  

Answer 15

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!  My son is now two and after we had him began a very long battle between me and my husband!!  he said I didn't do "it" enough and that it was my fault blah blah blah!!  I was nursing working taking care of him and my beautiful son and he expected me to just jump on it!  I was tired and I felt gross!! It has been two years and this is still an issue for us and We are very active in bed and the problem does not lie with me he does it because it is a habit and it is quick and easy!!! Just let him know how you feel, this is not something that will be quickly resolved!!  Keep your head up though remember that you are beautiful!  Confidence is the key!!  That will get his attention!! :)  at least it seems to be working for me! :) Good luck and yes i flipped out the first time I caught him wicked bad!! LOL!!

Answer 16

The thing about guys and p**n is that there is no attachment or responsibility involved. Masterbating while watching p**n is pressure free. No worries. He doesnt have to worry if he is satisfying anyone, if he doesnt get hard, if he is too fast or takes too long, or about getting anyone pregnant. Masterbating is a great way to release tension and releave stress.

Having a baby isn't just a big change in your life, its a huge change for him as well. Subconsiously (or consiously) you are the source of that change, and a baby is HEAVY change. So he may be choosing the p**n instead of you for now, but I would bet that its temporary and your s*x life will pick up again. Try not giving him a hard time about it, after all, its a movie. It would be much worse if he were out masterbating with an actual other woman. He will appreciate you if you dont take this so personally.

You also could try to shock the h**l out of him one day by letting him catch you masterbating watching p**n... but you have to wait till you've quit busting him about it or you'll just appear hypocritical.

Answer 17

If he knows clearly that you actually mind him looking at p**n instead of you, that is disrespect. But on the other hand, you noticed that it all happened only after your baby is born, 1) He does not find you attractive anymore after childbirth; 2) He might be cheating but cos the baby, he still stay with you. 3 )He doesn't want too wear you out after your tiring day with the baby. Get him to open up so as to resolved the mystery. Good luck.

Answer 18

The thing is, sometimes it's not about s*x or you. Sometimes it's almost like a routine or an addiction that just gets them off for the release of it. I know that doesn't sound like a good answer, but it's not about you. If he didn't want you and wanted someone else, he'd go out and get someone else, not look at p**n. I know it hurts you, and he should really try to understand that. The two of you should really discuss both of your feelings on the subject, not just what you're willing to do to make him stop. Maybe if you really talk about it, you two can come to some kind of solution.

Answer 19

Nope, Id flip if my hubby looks at p**n. NOT acceptable within a marriage...at least not if u genuinely love the person!!

Answer 20

Yes, I would be upset.  

You two need to talk and find out why his attitude and desire towards you has changed.  Perhaps he looks at you different since you've had the baby.  

Answer 21

I am sorry but some men just need to grow up and get their heads out of that gutter garbage.Your significant other is ignoring you over the fantasy of his p**n and that is not right toward you. He is disrespecting you and your feelings and when it takes top priority over you in his life he needs help because he sounds addicted to it. p**n does not depict the true intimate feelings of two people in love and personally it is in my opinion when they turn to that instead of you and ignore your needs and feelings on it they are just being disrespectful. When a man has to constantly keep putting his head in this trash can against the love he has for you he has a serious problem with the way he is thinking. I feel that if they get this involved in it where it doesn't matter what you feel about it what else would they do against you if they constantly put themselves into the mind of temptation? Some men can handle it and know where the fantasy ends and begins with it but for others it can become their daily drug and that's when they are over the line sweetie. You have already discussed this issue with him and he is choosing to ignore your feelings so he needs to make the choice over p**n or you and that's the bottom line.

Answer 22

You should be upset. His behavior is extremely disrespectful to you. You are willing to have s*x with him, and he is disregarding you. You have told him your feelings, and still he continues with hurtful behavior. p**n is not "no big deal", it can come an addiction, like drugs and alcohol, and shouldn't be part of ANY relationship. There are many books out there that can help deal with this problem, as well as counseling, which I definitely recommend for the two of you. Right now is a very vulnerable time for you and your relationship, and ya'll need to work on strengthening it, not hurting it.

Answer 23

Guys look at p**n. Guys m********e. Your dad masturbates. Your preacher masturbates. Learn how men think and how they are wired instead of trying to swim upstream.

Answer 24

I could care less if my husband looks at p**n. I might join him!!

Answer 25

My ex liked p**n and I found it awful... Its a bunch of guys brutalising a girl over a motor bike or something... I hated it, and he still did it. Sorry uyour going through the same thing.

To$s pot ex, not ex husband. ...

Answer 26

He is not your husband, he will do anything and you can't say or do anything about it.

It is time you think about your baby and your well-being and what really would make you happy.  

Answer 27

The fact that he says' big deal' when you say something hurts you shows a lack of respect on his part. You need to sit down and talk (I know, easier said than done). It may be possible that you giving birth has weirded him out.