Would you be offended by this comment?

Question

Ok so I've got a son he is 2. I am no longer with the dad. I am seeing someone else now. My son's father is a very good father, and is involved in our son's life. I am not looking for a 'father-figure' for my son or someone to fill in his place because my son already has a father. However I am looking for someone who will accept the fact that I do have a son and therefore are not available whenever it suits them.

My new boyfriend is a sweet heart, today I was on the phone with him though, and we've spent most of our time out at night time, he was telling me how he wish he could see me during the day sometimes too. I told him it was a bit hard because of my son cause I wouldnt have anyone to mind him during the day, he told me we could go to a park so my son could come too. I told him I wasnt sure, because although I am not looking for a father figure for my son, I dont want him seeing guys come in and out of our lifes, and although he says he wants to be with me forever, it is still early in our relationship. I told him ' you dont want to spend time with me and my son' and he said ' I want to see you, he isnt my kid, as long as I get to see you Im happy, and if that means he has to come so be it'. For some reason I took offense to that. I am not sure why though. It seems like he may not be interested in my son. He hasnt met him yet, but if we are going to be together he needs to accept him, not see him as a 'tag along' if he ever does come with us. Did I take it the wrong way? or would you have been offended? I feel like that shouldnt have offended me but I am confused now.

Answer 1

Yeah, it'd be understandable to take offense to that. But you should also consider that you may have been sending hiim different messages, cos you said that you didn't want him to be a father figure, etc. Just talk to him about where your son stands in your relationship before coming to conclusions and to make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding. But yeah, it was a bit of a harsh comment, I personally would be a bit offended.

Answer 2

He was just reflecting back what you told him.  There's no reason to be offended.

You said 'you don't want to spend time with me and my son.'   And then got offended by it.

Answer 3

yes. i'm sorry. it would really hurt me.

furthermore, whomever you hook up with, father figure for your son or no, he must love your son as much as he loves you. that is the only way you can remarry or have someone in your life. it is the only fair thing to your son.

Answer 4

I'm a single father, and if someone I was dating said that about my child I'd be very upset. It would probably end the relationship. He needs to accept you and your son.  

Answer 5

i'd be offended. am a single mom too.if the guy really wants to be with you then maybe he should think of your baby as a part of you that he cannot escape and not a thing that you have to drag around with.  

Answer 6

  It's not so much what he said as how he said it, which is like an ***.  He should haave said he wanted to build a realtionship with both of you, if he really cannot accept your son then you need to be aware of this now. Your boy is first as you show, and he must learn this, now if he just mis-spoke and wants to be with you and meet you boy and get to know that part of your life as well then the relationship is moving forward to the next level and you need to evaluate if your ready to go there yet. As you said your not looking for a new Dad for your son, so what are you looking for?  And how will her relate to your son, you need to decide, sorry but you need to do a little thinking also here. Good luck love.

Answer 7

I would be offended too, because your child is a part of you. He's gotta be accepting of your son. It's either both of you or he's gotta hit the road if he's not accepting.