Would you be upset if your husband:?

Question

My husband sees his mother every weekend. He also sees her on several occasions during the week while I am at work.

She went on a long trip to Scottland. While she was there she decided to buy a bike. She didn't ask ahead of time if we would help her pick it up. There is however a train that does go there.

My husband auto told her he would take her up there even though I'd been working for 12 hour shifts several days in a row and I just wanted to spend my first weekend off in three weeks with him.

I told him that he would have been fine going if he had just included me in the decision.

Instead he just 'told' me that he was going off for five days and it was to bad that I couldn't come.

I don't think it is right to plan a holiday with your mother (and he was going because he was going to make it into a holiday) without atleast giving your spouse some notice (more than three days notice).

I was very angry about it and went on and on about it because I think he's out of line.

Also I would have been unable to go with him and I'd have not seen him for several days after the five days because of my work.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Your husband has not cut the apron strings, much less the umbilical cord. Yes, he is WAAAAYYY out of line! I'd be angry and I would probably get even.

So are you working to send your husband and his mother to the Riviera next year?

Either be prepared to be forever left behind or get him on the same page with you. Spell it out for him... he is supposed to leave his birth family to make his own family with his wife. Does he want his wife or not? Get blunt with him.

Try marriage counseling, though I really doubt it will help with your second-class status. You will probably always be #2 behind your MIL.

Off-hand, you really need to make some contingency plans... get ready to move out and file for divorce. Start by separating your bank accounts and whatever else. Do a budget to see if you can afford your house, if not, get it on the market and get it sold.