Would you be upset if your husband went out of town with his ex?

Question

Not like that, but here's details. My husband and his ex went to move their daughter into college about 8 hrs away over the weekend. I could not go, so when I called him later that evening he was in a lounge with her, then apparently they caught a subway to tour the down town area. He usually calls periodically all the time, but this time never once, so I called him. He kept picking up his phone and shutting it off, then finally he just left it off. I couldn't figure out what he was doing or why he was doing it. The day before he left my friends called me and asked me to go out, I asked him and he was very angry and said you cannot go to a bar. OK I abided by that rule and got together with them at one of their houses. But he obviously did what he wanted, hung out with his ex wife all weekend. Now I am not a jealous wife not even close, but I am very suspicious. Should I be or am I overreacting?

Answer 1

This is exactly what happened to me. My husband actually took 4 days off work to be with his ex and his phone was constantly switched off. Can you believe it? No you arent being suspicious or cross for nothing. You have every right to be mad. he has NO right to treat you like that. If he wants to be with ex then he can have her. Stupid man.  

Answer 2

I wouldn't worry about it. She was the mother of his child. They were probably talking about their daughter. What you should be more concerned about is his need to control you. Here is your lesson, don't ask just do what you want. It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. If you want to go out with your friends at a bar then do it. You are a trustworthy person. If he has doubts about you then it is because he doubts himself.  

Answer 3

nooo

hes an adult he should have morals.

Answer 4

I would kick his ***. It's okay for him to go out with his EX but he has the audacity to tell YOU what you can and cannot do? Puuuulease, he would be so freakin' gone. Stand up for yourself girl.  

Answer 5

I would be suspicious... There are numerous things you stated that would make me suspicious:

1:  He usually calls periodically all the time, but this time he didn't once.

That is a pretty big clue.  Husbands that suddenly distance themselves can be a sign of cheating... but it's not 100% guarantee.

2:  When I called him he shut his phone off.

I'm a little confused how you know he shut it off, was he in an area with bad reception possibly?  Either way it's a minor clue that something's going on.

3:  You can't go to a bar with your friends.  

This shows distrust.. could you go to a bar before with your friends?  If so, that's an even bigger clue.  He's possibly projecting his cheating on to you.. If he'd cheat, you might do it. Spouses can do this on a subconscious level.

I'd be suspicious.

Answer 6

I don't see anything wrong with him going to move his daughter into a college with her mother, but the way he acted is REALLY wrong. If my husband did the same thing (and I am NOT jealous person), I would be furious. How long have they been divorced? Was it a bad divorce? Has she remarried? - are all of the questions would come under my consideration.  

Answer 7

You ARE underreacting.

Did you deserve this? Did you meet him when he was married to HER?

Something is fishy here.

Answer 8

I think that maybe he was overwhelmed with his daughter going to college, maybe being nostalgic with the whole change and him and his ex were drinking a bit. His phone could have had problems, or any other thing.

Have you talked to him about it? It's really about respect. I don't think he showed you respect at all on this one...however, I think you have valid reason for being somewhat upset.

As for you not going out with friends, that's kinda your fault, you gave him the power to dictate to you, and you followed suit. So, you missed out by your own choice.

Decide before you talk to him that you will stay calm and centred, and then go ask the tough questions.

Answer 9

If you ask me, that's shady as h**l on your husband's part.  And why don't you do what you feel like.  Don't let anyone boss you around.  A relationship should be built on trust and compromise.  It seems like your husband is more of dictator.  

Answer 10

If he was indeed ignoring your calls and turning off his phone, then you have every right to be suspicious and even angry.  As far as the double standards, they are a fact of life and present in every marriage.  Eventually, the two of you will have to find a way to reach common ground.  Personally, I would not have left you behind.  There is too much left to chance by putting myself in that position.

Answer 11

I understand where you are coming from, but to be honest, if I was being called every ten minutes just to find out what I am doing I WOULD CUT MY PHONE OFF TOO, that sh*t is annoying, no matter what you THINK I am doing. Key word: THINK

Your first impulse was to THINK he was cheating, not that he would be faithful. No matter what he was or wasn't doing, this shows you DON'T trust him. If you didn't trust him, you should have gone on the trip with him...not his fault you stayed home blowing his phone up like a scared teenager.

Instead of being suspicious, which could prove  to be a colossal waste of time and energy if he was/is infact faithful, you should better spend your time learning to TRUST HIM.

Moving on, as far as him telling you not to go to the bar, then hanging at a lounge with his ex, that is wrong and I don't blame you for being mad.

HOWEVER, at least give the man the dignity and respect he deserves by allowing him to explain himself BEFORE you ASSUME he was cheating on you.

Answer 12

honey there is a difference from being suspicious and remembering...i suggest you remember... always remember the way that he acted in this instance and kinda keep tabs on what is going on, dont stress about it because you dont know if you even have reason to be jealous but remember. Second, trust him, he could be acting that way because he is worried you will think he is cheating and he wants to make it obvious that he isnt, guys do stuff like that. Dont be upset that he went or is going, in fact while he is gone enjoy your me time, if you love him then you trust that he will not do anything that would betray that. And i know you love hime or you wouldnt be married lol. Remember how he acts dont be suspicous but dont forget it because if anything happens in the future you will need to know that this could have been a turning point. But like i said dont sweat it

Answer 13

yes I would be very suspicious...No you are not overreacting...I would have went to the bar anyway...You need to discuss this with him and find out what is really going on...Something just doesnt sound right in that situation....

Answer 14

i would be suspicious... Have you confronted him about your fears? You need to talk to him and find out details... feel him out and see ig you can tell he's lying. I will probably not be very hard. If he explains everything to you and you feel good about his answer then I would leave it alone!! You don't want to mess up your relationship with misstrust!

Answer 15

I think you are over reacting the fact that they drove 8 hrs away, could be the issue with the phone.  Then he didn't call b/c he was busy getting his daughter settled into college.  Praise this moment, look into the positive and not the negative.  

Overall, the fact is TRUST, if you trust him..then it's nothing to worry about, if you don't then, that's the issue you need to address.

Answer 16

I would be upsest.

he sounds controlling he could go somewhere and do things but you are unable to go out.He seems pretty selfish to me.

Answer 17

I think you're under reacting

I'd be livid

Answer 18

First off WTF?  You ASKED him if you could go out with your girlfriends?  Okay...I don't ask my man's permission.  I am 42 years old.  I do respect him but I don't ask his permission.  Secondly, there is something wrong here.  I am divorced and my son is only 11 but when the time comes, I guarantee you I will not be shutting my phone off from my man to sit in a bar drinking and touring with my ex-husband.  Red flags galore in your whole relationship, honey.

Answer 19

omg I would be way beyond mad I would have his **** packed up and when he got home it would all be waiting at the door for him. What is he thinking just the fact he would not answer his phone and talk to you is seriously not right. He is hiding something or he would have called you and picked up the phone when you called.

It's one thing to have a spouse wrong you but to wrong you and know they are doing it is over the line.

I would really think about divorce after this little weekend. I would not be able to stay with a man who did this to me in a million years.

They probably did something had s*x or something sense they were buddies all weekend. Which he would probably never own up to anyway. No your not overreacting your not reacting enough.

Answer 20

Yes I would be upset. Yes I would be suspicious. No, you're not overreacting. Yucky....ugghh...not a fun thought.

Answer 21

Yes you should be... Your husband is acting really shady and I would look into it more. I would be flippin out if I were you lol

Answer 22

I don't think your overreacting at all.  Why should it be okay for him to not pick up the phone.  Men don't get it, because if the tables were turned I'm sure he would be upset.  It seems like he has something to hide.  

Answer 23

He sounds controlling - why can't you go to a bar and more importantly, why are you asking him like he's your father?  And then shutting off his phone or picking it up and then hanging up?  Really wrong.  It's not the ex that is the problem here, it's all of these other issues.

Answer 24

No I understand what you are saying but then again you are better than me because I would have been with him on that trip to see his daughter off and if the ex and daughter didn't like it well that is just to bad to sad.