Would you be upset with this too? I feel my mother is playing head games regarding watching my daughter.

Question

I have a 3 year old. In the past my mom told me she would watch her full-time until she went to preschool. I appreciated the offer but knew that I'd never let her watch her for THAT long. My mom loved to brag to every one about how she takes care of my daughter to any one who would listen. At one point I stopped working (laid off) & only asked my mom for help during some days when I needed to get to class and husb didn't get home on time, or appointments (certainly not the full-time schedule she offered to help me with). She always reluctantly agreed with obvious attitude behind her words. I never ask her to babysit so I can go have fun. It got extremely annoying to hear my mom bragging about how SHE was her care taker, when in actuality she would throw a silent hissy fit if I asked for a small favor. After an argument about it (in which she DID admit that doing these small favors were burdening her, then back peddled and said she was just stressed from other things) I just stopped relying on her completely. Now, she and my dad will come over to visit with my child. She loves it until it suddenly becomes "work" then she starts looking at her watch and pretends they have somewhere to be and leaves. Yesterday, they came over again....this time my dad spent the majority of the time playing with her, and my mom sat in our den watching the olympics. She was juuuust fine to sit there as long as possible because she was able to watch TV and not have to expend energy with my daughter. I find this extremely annoying. First of all, I know that she's not obligated by any means to babysit. But for her to have always told me and my husband in the past that she would do it and "oh any time you need help just ask!! I'll do it!", and then turn around and act like it is such a huge burden is extremely irritating. Don't I have a right to be pissed? If you don't want to do something, then DONT offer!!! I don't understand why she's behaving so passive aggressively.

At this point I have no other babysitter, I dont know many people and certainly no one that I would trust with my child. Hopefully that will change eventually. Just wanted to acknowledge that I no longer rely on her for care. I just try to set my schedule around the time when I know my husband will be around.

Answer 1

I agree that you should be pissed ONLY because i know exactly where you are coming from!! My mother watched my son a total of MAYBE 1 month since he has been born and he is 16 months, she told my family members she watches him ALL THE TIME!! I finally stopped asking her because she would say        "alllll right" but had the tone in her voice like she really didnt want to. My mother lives 5 minutes away and only sees my son on birthdays and holidays. Last time she was around him on my neices graduation party she held him for 3 minutes and when he started to whimper she gave him back. I have not asked my mother to watch Austin in about a year and i wil never again.

unlike you, i am lucky enough to have sisters to rely on when i need an Emergency babysitter. It is not wrong to be angry, it makes me angry everyday when i see a grandma with her grandchild. I dont have a father so it is almost like Austin does not have any grandparents at all.

Answer 2

Go Mom!

And if you are so worried about a babysitter, PAY SOMEONE to watch your kid like everyone else does.

Answer 3

Well maybe at first it seemed like a good idea to help you whenever. Then your child came along and she was reminded the difficulties that come along with taking care of a child and no longer wanted to do it. Or she is playing games cause you got in an argument with her and in that case she is immature and there is nothing you can do about it.

Answer 4

Yes, I would be upset too. There is no real way to get around your mother's reluctance, so just try and ignore what she says to other people. Half the time people probably won't even be listening.

About the babysitting. Ask around with neighbors or people you trust who have kids to see who they hire as a babysitter. Talk around and have small meetings with people who would like to babysit your child.

Most of the time, for small things you could have a teenager come and babysit. Your child is 3, so they are old enough to be with someone new for a bit.

Once you find someone you and your child like keep asking him/her over to sit for small things and make them longer and longer periods of time once you feel comfortable.