Would you call this abusive parenting?

Question

I have a really stressed out family member. She is always yelling at her kids. When I try to talk to her when her kids are asleep and ask her if she needs to talk or me to watch the kids so she can talk to another friend or get some counseling she gets mad at me. She says don't judge me you don't live my life. I tried to explain to her all the yelling is not helping her and is not good for the kids.

I told her I cannot be around her while she is acting this way. Her kids do come to play with my kids still, but she refuses to talk or change.

What options would you consider and why?

Answer 1

Abusive parenting?

Well I guess she has a bad temper and yells a lot and it could be emotionally abusive. I'd keep trying to get her to change. Yelling all the time isn't the way to parent. It's scary for kids. I know how it is being the kid that's yelled at all the time. Plus, it's something they could mimick that would be bad for them in the future. I fear that I'll be like my father.

Good luck. It's best if she doesn't use physical force, and tries to reason instead of yell.  

Answer 2

no that is not abuse. I hope you don't take this wrong, but if you came into my life and saw my parenting style and told me to change it... I would probably tell you off pretty good too. People need support and encoragment. If you can't manage to accept her the way she is and point out her strong points, you are being much of a friend or family member. I am not saying that screaming at your kids is right. What I am saying is that we all get stressed. We all get grumpy. And you know what makes that stress worse? People telling us that we are too grumpy.

I think that you need to back off. She is not abusing the kids. Hopefully as people encourage her and she nurtures herself, she will find herself in a more peaceful place.

Answer 3

So far you have done absolutely everything I would have suggested.

Ultimately you can't MAKE her do anything and although her parenting methods leave a lot to be desired, if that is all she is doing then it probably is not abusive - just ineffective and upsetting.

I would keep doing what you are doing - be there for the kids but don't condone her behaviour by accepting it.

Answer 4

i my self yell at my kid a lot a would love to stop i hate it i know its not helping my kids but no one out there can help you stop and if she getting mad at you she knows what is going on andis feeling bad for it there is many nights i cry over it i try so hard not to .i was rasied that why all the time my father would get at me so just dont harp on it to her if her kid are ok then shes not hitting them things will change when she come to turms with it i know i have stoped a lot  my problem is my 10 hitting his younger brothers

Answer 5

Seems like she has anger issues. If you want to help, help her with her stresses. Take the kids to the zoo for the day so she can have time off, for example. Kids will stress you out, no doubt.

Answer 6

Well, as a mother who saw yelling from my own "father" and naturally resorts to getting loud quickly, I understand where she is coming from. However, I've had to, on my own, come to the conclusion I can't keep yelling. It doesn't help and just makes my kids stressed out too...

I would say it can definately be abusive because I know for myself, it's had lasting consequences but I wouldn't say it like, warrants CPS intervention. It's something she needs to try to stop, but overall, I wouldn't bring it up if I were you, I would just offer to go places with her-out to lunch, the park, etc... see if she ever wants to come over to your house for coffee or something along those lines.

I know it's hard, it's hard for everyone involved and I have a feeling she's upset with herself for being this way. It sucks and I hope she is willing to stop before her kids are permanently messed up from it.  

Answer 7

Tell her you are NOT judging her ,but judging her actions.Ask her how she felt when her parents yelled and screamed at her when she was growing up.

Remind her, that is how HER kids feel.

If she will deal with them after the 2nd time she speaks to them when they are acting up, and be consistent, she won't need to yell.

They know her breaking point and they will misbehave until she is almost there, but before she getsthere, she screams and yells at them.Itis a waste of time.

Answer 8

Emotionally Abusive and that can be just as harmful as physical. I would think about how this is affecting her children and try to get another family memeber in on it and if it gets too much worse dss

Answer 9

No its not abusive. But she is hurting her children more than helping them.  I have two boys and there are ties when they just plain aren't listening and I will yell.. loudly!! But I do feel bad for it later and go and let them know I'm sorry and talk to them.

She may be going through something very stressful because I was much worse a while ago after my kids father left. It was bad. Just go back to her and say hey I wasn't trying to butt in I just thought you might not even realize you yell as much as you do... I'm still working on my yelling.. its not easy being a parent, I wish her patience and lots of love.  

Answer 10

unless you are willing to take on those kids permenantly when you call cps and they remove those kids from their poor mother i would just be supportive as you can be by letting her know you are there for her and continue to be there for her kids by letting them come to your home and play with yours. no mother is perfect and as she said you might not know all the stress she is under. do not call cps on that woman. your worst enemy does not even deserve that treatment of losing her children.  

Answer 11

It is emotional abuse. If she doesn't quit that can lead to physical abuse. You should never yell at your children and especially should not be all the time. She needs to get some kind of counseling.