Would you care if your teenager was friends with slightly older people?

Question

Xpert: I'm friendly w my teachers, but I would NEVER be friends or socially hang out w a teacher or guidance counselor. That's a different scenario, though. Obviously, my teachers know what grade I'm in, & it would be incredibly creepy & unethical for them to want to be friends w me. None of my teachers ever have or ever would do that. If I'd met these guys while wearing my school uniform I'd have been v. suspicious of them wanting to be friends w me, but we met at a university hangout where everybody is a student, including the guys & I. They look younger than they are, I look older than I am. Everyone was innocent. I am extremely cautious about who I hang w, & if I'd thought they were pervs or predators I'd never have hung out with them. They aren't. If I'd known their age right away I wouldn't have either. I didn't know for weeks, & by that point I already considered them to be friends. I'm spending the summer away from all my friends & bf, and I'd have been so lonely without them.

Answer 1

I'm curious as to why you haven't just said how old they are here! If they were just 18 it seems like you would say so but since you didnt I'm thinking they are in their 20s. Actually by the "assumed they were in university" bit I'm thinking they are even older than that. 22? 23? I don't know. YOU DO. Why don't they know your age? Why havent you told them this already? How do you know they wouldnt care?

From your avatar you look like a gorgeous girl. Men are going to be attracted you no matter what you do! I am betting they fancy you! So you do not need to be around men you need to stick with boys. Your mum is right to be angry. Stay away from them, dear, for your sake and hers!

Answer 2

It depends on how much older they are. A couple years wouldn't really make much of a deal. If they're in their twenties then this is definitely not a good idea.

Answer 3

Honestly, yes I would be concerned. I am a parent of younger children, I would first be concerned with the maturity level of your friends that didn't pick-up on how young you were, and I would be thinking "are these sixteen year old's that are actually old enough to drink, take trips out of the country, and act on their own decisions"

I would also be concerned with impulsivity, a brief impulse acted upon can have lifelong consequences.

I suggest you be patient with your parents, hear and listen to their concerns...they have your best interest in mind, and some things that you can imagine before the fact you may find unimaginable after the fact.

Answer 4

You claim your mum/mom said "that I lied by omission"!!!!

You dont know how much that cracks me up...you lied by omission!!!!!!!!

LMAO!!!!!!roflmao!!!!!!!

You and your family are great!!!!!

Answer 5

In a normal sittuation, yes i would worry depending on how much older they are,  they obviously can do things and have advantages that a 16 year old does not.. and can unintentionally get the 16 year old in trouble... I remember at 16 i thought i was very mature and knew everything... as you get older you relize just how immature you actually where... its actually funny and surprising.. you will see.

BUT in your situation its kinda hard and a bit different.. you are taking classes at a university, which puts you in a situation where you will build friendships with older people.. it would be crazy if you didnt.. i wouldnt expect you to sit at your desk with your head down all day.  And also you are obviously smart enough and mature enough to take these classes, which also sais something about yourself...  If your parents didnt want you to build friendships with older people then they shouldnt have let you take classes at a university.

BUT guys will be guys and they do see you as a younger attractive girl and often will look at your age as an advantage to getting in your pants.  so jus be careful!

Answer 6

You are right that age shouldnt matter so much! Omgosh if you got into COLLEGE already then yeah your mature enough to have older friends and your parents shouldnt get in your face about it. What do they want you to be a total LBR with no friends?? Thats not fair.If those guys like you and they no you have a boyfriend and arent going to do anything with them then that should be fine. its not like they are THAT old. That sux they are being like that.

Answer 7

Not at all. We're all people and our birthdates shouldn't separate us so much. If you trust them and consider them as good friends, I've no objection. A good person is a good person regardless of their age.

Answer 8

Hey Rhainnon,

I dont think you realize how frequently girls around your age and older girls in general... LIE!!!

Don't worry it's OK... I still cant work out what goes on in a girl's head but one thing I do know is that they aren't afraid of lying to get what they want or to avoid what they want to avoid... SORRY Sky but you got BUSTED.... easy come easy go...... that's how you play "who wants to be a teenager"... I played the same game when I was young and got busted a few times too...!!!

Don't worry Sky.. nothing unusual... for girls your age.... even when you get to 18, 19, 20 ,21 there may still be the same sort of stuff.... Your mom might bust you drinking with your friends, going to places she doesn't want you to go, doing things in the bedroom with loverboy, that she believes you shouldnt (that's where dad/dad2 comes in... Ooooh boy you don't wanna let you dads near you when that happens, because I presume you and your bf value his genitalia!!!)

....anyway I'm off to the gym....!! (I'll check back later to see if I still lol!!!)

Dont let it get to ya... you'll look back to this moment in a few years and think that it was all NO BIG DEAL really!!!

Peace out... (at least you get to spend more time in your room on your PC... on Y!A, talking to me!!!!!!!) hey??? what's so bad about that!!!!

Peace out!

((((((Skylark)))))))xx!!

(stil LOL!!!! "omission"!!!)

EDIT - You might be just FRIENDS with them... they don't wanna be just FRIENDS with you... (that has already been demonstrated)

I'm guessing that your lie by omission... was to do with you not telling them how old you were straight away when you first met them... Or maybe you lied by omission to you parents, i.e. not telling them precisely what you were up to out of fear of not being allowed to follow your desires... conveniently omitting crucial nuggets of info here and there...etc...!!! lol!!!

I know your game Sky!! You are good!!! That's why I love ya!!!

Answer 9

Hey You!

U'r a smart girl and I trust you know what you doing!

I do understand what your mother is worried about as well.

I could very well see myself in her shoes!

Knowing you, I think that you might probably get bored with kids ur age, because you are kind of smarter.

When I was 16-18, I would go out with people in their mid twenties.

So I understand, but also they were mainly man, and we did not have problems like there are in here!

I mean you'r a girl and from the picture I guess quite good looking, and people might get confused.

I mean Look at me. I did even try to stop myself from answering all ur very interesting questions, and removed u from the contact list (What am I doing answering evry question from  this girl!? Felt really bad for doing that, but there is a time one has to make a decision.  Now I have obviously realised that you are mature enough and evrything. But also note, not evryone would be so careful. London has other issues I have previously mentioned, and also other laws, you probably are aware of! to those of the US! I bet you was wondering why are u added again! I had to explain. I hope you don't mind me doing that.)

Sometimes people do not understand the border betwen friendship and chemistry! When it gets mixed up then its trouble!

So I am hating to say that your mother knows certain things better, or at least I would say that you should try o look at her point as well, without.

Parents are allways wrong by the way and we all know it, but you can try to get the gist of what they are saying in every situation! and make good use of it!

Answer 10

judging by the way that you write, you appear to be extremely intelligent and very mature, rare qualities for a 16 year old (in Los Angeles). reading others answers, i would have to agree with the fact that you're mom has the right to be pissed with you for hanging with older guys... plus the whole lying by omission thing doesn't help the situation much.

but my advice would be (i know this may sound cliche) to tell your mother everything you've stated in this 'yahoo question'... she has to understand that you're taking classes at a college and there is the possibility that there are others there that are older than you.

i say: explain to your mom what you're feeling and thinking, and hopefully she'll understand, or at least cut you some slack...

i hope this helps..................

Answer 11

For what it's worth.... I see no problem with responsible, mature kids having older friends. I graduated college at 19 so I had lots of older friends.

Our father allowed my extremely, responsible and bright sister to travel internationally on dates with young executives when when was just seventeen and she grew up to be a quite impressive adult in every possible way.

Just knowing you from your posts on YA you are an amazingly mature, bright and responsible young woman, but you have an adventuorious spirit that, while great fun to read, could certainly cause reason to suggest occasional restraint from a loving parent.  

As a former middle, and high school administrator and collage teacher and advisor I have seen many parents who are too restrictive, parents who are too protective, and parents who just don’t care.

As well as you have turned out it seems that your parents are doing a marvelous  job at trying to feel out that fine line between being a little over protective, being a little too free, and being just right.

Realize that they work hard searching out that correct balance of maximum freedom within maximum safety because they care so much about you.

Realize also that they are human and with the dynamics involved in raising a super bright and very adventurous daughter that they will sometimes make errors one way or another.

Carring too much  is infinitely better than them not caring enough.

As you ask them to cut you some slack, likewise cut them some slack too. Put yourself in their place with giving protective and caring parental guidance about your own young one traveling the world unaccompanied,  your ward jogging alone early in the morning, with your child's eating and nutrition habits and weight loss, with your daughter joining your wild bachelorette party in Italy and Las Vegas, and now with the potential negative influence of older friends on your loved one.

Think of how you take care of your wonderful Bowie.

In potentially dangerous situations you keep him on a lease while he would prefer to run free.

Bowie is extremely bright, and he would never do anything to hurt you, but because there is a possibility that he might get hurt  you would rather error toward being overly protective because you love him so much.

Keep being your responsible, and adventurous self Skylark.

Continue to navigate your life of promise and potential while fully appreciating the intentions of those who love you and therefore overly worry about your safety.

Sorry. I Didn't want to sound too preachy,

but I worry about your safety too, and I have never even meet you.

Have fun.

Live, love, laugh and be happy, but be careful

Your fans want you to realize your fantastic potential.

Answer 12

Yes I would care, no matter how much you can be trusted, it's these other people your mum doesn't know and especially since you are only 16, you failed to mention how much older these guys are? 18/19 or 22/25 what?

It's generally not normal for older people to want to even hang around a younger person, especially when they are of legal age and the younger one isn't. Your mum has every reason to be concerned. She's only looking out for your best interests. Maybe if she met them a few times to see what they were like then she might change her mind, until then sorry, I think you're stuck with it.

Answer 13

Sky, a 16 year old can't be a teacher, but someone 22 or older could be. Are you friends with your teachers too? If are then that could cause complications! Also where do you draw the line? Would you be friends with a 40 year old?

You might not think they are attracted to you, but I'm willing to be you they are. Men find smart women to be very s**y, and you're one of the smartest girls I've ever encountered. I've never read a post of yours where I wasn't blown away. I just read your "Santa Claus" post and literally was in awe. You are undeniably brilliant. BUT I've noticed the innocence in your posts too. It's the dead give away for your true age. These friends of yours should have noticed it by now too.

I'm 28 and I would NEVER be friends with a 16 year old or spend excess amount of time with them. I don't even date 20 year olds! Be carefull around them. You are going to rock this world one day and everybody just wants to make sure you stay safe until then.

I hope you get your iPhone back though. Lucky girl! I want one of those! They are too bloody expensive!

Answer 14

Im assuming its the MED STUDENTS u've been telling me about and that I've been telling u u were gonna get in trouble 4 eventualy that she saw the pics of???? They are sooo much older. Of course she was gonna get mad. If they were 19 or 20 and college aged then nobody would care especially bcoz u are so smart and u r taking college classes and all but they are like 27 years old! And you know they have the hots 4 u!!!!! Hllo look in the mirror! U can run around w/o make on in your glases all day and it doesnt matter. Sux to be u, pretty girl!! Ur mom is probably worried they r going to do something awful 2 u just cause u r so much younger than they r.

Dame u r a genius but seriously y did you leave the pics on the phone????? They check that stuff. U've gotta put it on the external hardrive.

TURN ON YOUR IM! It says u r unavailable!!!!!! But u r online.

Answer 15

You didn't mention exactly how old they are, and you can't make someone not be attracted to you.

I am a parent and I wouldn't really want my 16 year old daughter hanging out with older kids not because I wouldn't trust my daughter. I don't trust the intentions of other people. Why don't you tell your new friends how old you are?

EDIT:  You have added additional details addressed to someone else. Why don't you put in your additional detail how old your new friends are?  If they don't know how old you are it isn't because they just care so much and don't care about age it is because they aren't the bestest new friends you think they are. You are leaving out their age for a reason and I think we all know why.

EDIT  2:  26? No way. It would be fine for you to talk to them on campus that kind of thing, but to hang out socially no way.

16 and 26 is a huge age gap and at that age the "numbers don't matter " thing doesn't apply. I think that only goes for say 26 and 36.  I was m,arried and had already had my second child at age 26, there is way more life experience between these two age groups. 26 year olds do alot and talk about alot of things that 16 year olds really shouldn't be around.

No way, I would be upset too if I were your mom, you may look older and act older but you aren't older, and your mom is just looking out for you like a mom is supposed to.