Would you care to comment on this poem?

Question

A Walk Around the Pond

by C.S. Scotkin

Afternoon

filled with

softest sighs

ancient cypress

standing guard.

Cry! bald eagle chick

in his crown,

demanding from

hatch to be king,

settles for fish

caring beaks drop.

Mallards cruise

through weeds,

shelter chicks.

Grasses sway, bent

over from

responsibility,

shade nurseries

lullabies, frog song.

Lightening rapiered

heron strikes,

swallows silver;

far shore

otters feast,

good haul, fat bass,

lesser egret patient

waits, shining scraps

adrift to uninvited guest

Balanced sacrifices

life gifting life.

Not all survive, yet

never wasted.

All become all.

Answer 1

This is lovely. Not only is it descriptive, but it contains a universal message, expressed in the last stanza. Matter is not wasted, everything is connected and sometimes life is dependent on death.

Answer 2

So nice, I read it twice

Answer 3

So many images here...flickering in and out of sight quickly, but each lingering.  Masterfully conceived.  If I can be so presumptuous, I would like to point out what may be one problem: Do you mean "lightning-rapiered" and not "lightening rapiered"?  "Frog song" at the end of the second stanza is an evocative bit of paraphrasis; you used the opportunity for kenning beautifully here.  Congratulations.

Answer 4

I love this piece.

I like the no-nonsense chain of events.

Less is more with this one.

d**n. I really like it.

Answer 5

We had family in over the weekend. I always show my town to people who've never been here. Kansas City is a little jewel out in the cow-p**p. We have 2 communities (about 1,000 homes or so) with average property values over a mil. One of them near the State Line has a private pond with private waterfowl. I don't know how he does it, maybe they're clipped.

Answer 6

this is like being in the middle an estuary

(fresh water river and ocean meeting)

where everything is born or feasted.

alot of visual here!

Answer 7

This little walk around the pond

is my absolute favorite

of all the walks taken with you!

ma

Answer 8

Beautiful visuals and flow. Great job!

It's like you took us with you around that pond...loved the ending "All become all". Reminded me of the "Circle of life" that exists in nature. Also enjoyed "shade nurseries lullabies, frog song", beautiful! :)

I bet your poem will make many fishermen (women) want to drop everything and go fishin'!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem, hope you post more.

Answer 9

You done good, pond lady.  Do you really have Mallards that far south with young?  Just being picky. Maybe this is an 'generic' pond?  Either way, well said.

Answer 10

God did a wonderful job in creating the food chain, don't you think?

Lovely.