Would you care to comment on this pome?

Question

Evening on the Porch

By C.S. Scotkin

Triassic miniatures

fighting,

territorial disputation;

with scarlet throats

chase green ladies

all over my porch…

Time for asteroids

open door policy,

tennis ball

bounce clears,

makes way for

larger mammals.

Prehysteric evening

caterwauling

from within,

their prey

escaped,

again.

Answer 1

I love those lizards.. and would be horribly upset should your Gracie get one.. as I know cats very well

They torture the living daylights out of their prey!

Answer 2

Here leezard, leezard, leezard....

Oooops!, I theenk I need a beeger box.......

Answer 3

even though i didnt really understand it ....it seems interesting can you explain it to me ? [e-mail] =)

Answer 4

Maybe George and Gracie will have better luck catching the geckos next time. Nice allusion to the Alvarez hypothesis and the Cretaceous-Tertiary boundary event (65 mya), which did of course clear the way for the emergence of mammals. You have placed the everyday within a cosmic, and comic, framework...nice fun poem!

Answer 5

Is there a G'echo in here? (or is it a bird?) Neonman seems to think so.

That's some preyhistoric porch you got there CS. Don't ya just love foodchain math? 2Cat + (Gecko - 1 tail) + human / sliding door = Fair game + poem fodder (score is 1 all)

Answer 6

It's, in my opinion, alright.

If you were going for sort of a nostalgic thing (and it looks like you are), I feel like there should be something mentioning the time of the day, maybe with a reference to the light. I, personally, associate lighting with my childhood, and this seems to be a very childhood-induced poem.

Otherwise, it's a neat poem. I don't see any major symbolism here...if there is, maybe you should outline it more clearly. =)

Answer 7

Oh dear cheer,

How wouldn't someone care for such a cheerful smile as yours and for such cosmical yet miniature splendors, chicks like lined into your poem.

The pome is right to be there for their reach.

As we are here for you could delight our self.

Cheers to you, too!

Answer 8

It's weird in an ironic and cool way. :)

Answer 9

Dear Geko lady:

Methinks you fawning lately

over triassic minis

has a much deeper meaning.

Maybe the nursing in you?

Nah, cheap  cheap entertainment!

Answer 10

I lived in S.C. for a few months when I was younger and I'd have to say lizards are better than mice and rats. (Though the field mice are rather cute and only come in during the winter months.)

Hey, what if you changed "disputation" to torch? As in Territorial torch,/their scarlet throats. That way all the stanzas would have the same rhyme scheme. Just a thought that popped in me head--thought I'd throw it out.

Answer 11

Is crazy Gracie chasing a lizard again? And poor George, all he probably wants to do is take a nap.