Would you care to critique one more Partenza Represa?

Question

Soft Rains – A Partenza Represa

by C.S. Scotkin

Soft, gently soaking raindrops fall,

raindrops fall, dance on branches, light.

light filters down on creatures all

all love this day so cool, less bright.

Bright Sol, by shrouding clouds, will keep,

keep hidden and not show his face.

His face which makes the Earth’s heart beat

Beat, life’s rhythmic pulse does race.

Race, all creatures to Paradise,

Paradise wetted, water sweet

sweet rain from softer, grayer skies,

skies drop their rain at Gaia’s feet.

Answer 1

Oh my, it's absolutely stunning.   What a beautiful poem and a beautiful theme.  I truly love it.  

Edit:  I get 7 in the last line of S2 (Stanza 2)...not 3

Beat/life's/rhyth/mic/pulse/does/race

Answer 2

A partenza as sweet and gentle as the scene it paints.  I would consider this a very successful use of the power of this form.  You have limited the amount of "wrap" from one line to the next, and in the process created a poem that is syntactically sound and semantically rich.  Your personification of Nature lent an almost animistic wonder to what those less inspired might perceive as "just another rainy day." I'm glad that I tuned you in rather than the National Weather Service...Judicious use of asyndeton in L2, L10, and L11 kept you moving at eight beats to the bar (as required until recently, I understand) and also heightened your minimalist approach.  A thoughtful, spare, and expertly constructed partenza that strikes a perfect balance between the naturalism of the scene it portrays and the mystery that until not so long ago invested so much of our experience of the world...It seems the world I loved so well / But late, too soon has passed away...

Answer 3

Alright, if I must....lol  Well done, especially enjoyed the first two stanzas.  The word "wetted" in the third struck me as odd, but that is me.  

Answer 4

As Sptfyr wears the Partenza Represa crown of the queen, you are definitely wearing the next tiara available. All hail the beautiful, evocative poetry of C. S. Scotkin! I can actually picture a rainy day, the sounds of the cicadas chirping (or rasping, whichever) and the soft slap-drip of water on the leaves. Thank you for this, it's maginificent.

Answer 5

Last line Stanza 3, is seven, but I like your images and flow.

[I'm sorry, it was the middle stanza, my dyslexia was playing tricks so I saw title and question as stanza one of a four. the count is Beat 1, life's 2,

rhythmic 3,4, pulse 5. does 6, race 7. I read Gaia as syllables 6 & 7 of the last, the one syllable reading of the name is a rather obscure dialectical oddity. Oxford Dictionary of the English Language lists Ge along with Gaia and Gaea, the ellision of the final syllable among English speakers is more frequent to those with a Gaelic base, or a classical Greek education with the hard pronunciation, it comes out more as Guy or g*y.  Neither Classical nor Modern Greek admit of a soft G, comparable to Ge in George, or je in jettison, in either case the alpha renders the gamma hard.  The iota makes ai a long i sound, as well as in Ionic giving the consonantal value of yah, the sound in Modern Greek given to gamma in combination with iota or epsilon, in Classical Greek that value was imparted by iota or ypsilon which letters in Modern give short i or f, or in the dipthong ou, oo.][Γαήα,Γᾷα,Γαία,Γή]

[ The second was the pronunciation Homer preferred, without ellision, preferred by Doric speakers. I learned five tone Classical Greek, and Homer's Iliad is musical.]

Answer 6

The poem is lovely and optimistic.

There are two accepted spellings for the Earth Goddess: Gaea and Gaia. Both are two-syllable words.

Answer 7

I liked it much... seems you had a wet day.

On the 8 syllable comment I think Albert didn't bother to look up the pronunciation of Gaea and assumed it had one syllable, however it seems you may have misspelled the goddess, which could anger her. (smile)

Main Entry: Gaea  - earth goddess

Pronunciation: \ˈjē-ə\

add: I never said I was right, I said you may have misspelled.... when I  actually looked up both this is what I got... I didn't know until I actually looked and /I gave my reference... I just didn't want you to think I assumed what I said without further looking into it.

Main Entry: Gaia  

Pronunciation: \ˈgī-ə\

Function: noun

Etymology: Greek, Gaea

Date: 1975

: the hypothesis that the living and nonliving components of earth function as a single system in such a way that the living component regulates and maintains conditions (as the temperature of the ocean or composition of the atmosphere) so as to be suitable for life; also : this system regarded as a single organism

Main Entry: Gaea  

Pronunciation: \ˈjē-ə\

Function: noun

Etymology: Greek Gaia

Date: 1833

: the Greek earth goddess and mother of the Titans

... Other sources say you can use either so what do I know, in any case it's not a big deal, I had no idea who she was until I actually looked it up. Gaia had no further description, other than the one I provided above at m-w.com... sorry!!