Would you care to review and analyze my Villanelle in Penta?

Question

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THE CONUNDRUM

Colors on my palette run together,

The canvas waits for me to draw a line,

With problems in pigment I can’t measure,

Layering the base, it seems forever,

The white on white on white with no design,

Colors on my palette run together,

Paint a bird, but do not start with feathers,

The flight is something harder to define,

With problems in pigment I can’t measure,

I need a masterpiece I can treasure,

A benefactor’s impatient deadline,

Colors on my palette run together,

As if the easel and I were tethered,

I do not have the courage to resign,

With problems in pigment I can’t measure,

As shadows fall, I cannot tell whether,

The images I see are even mine,

Colors on my palette run together,

With problems in pigment I can’t measure.

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Answer 1

Iam not going to be much help here,  a critique I am not! However I do know when I like something.And this I do like in fact I really more than like this it is speaking to me!

Actually what you saying here is what I hardly myself can put into words.

A poet have so many ideas on what to write but nothing is coming out quite right! You want to make it happen so bad, but the canvas is bare! You have so much inside, but don't know where to begin, how to begin, in the right sequence!

Frustrated, wanting to give up but cant, because you are as you put it tethered and held up high, you and the pen are one, to leave and let go is to leave yourself behind!

How beautiful is what you have written and thanks for sharing this very wonderful piece, I totally relate to this!

Cheers!!

Answer 2

While reading, I felt a dire strain to start a marvelous new thing, but the many conundrums of analyzing were the properties that held back the achievement.

Freedom was given over to harsh judgment, and therefore it became a prisoner in a jail with rules of logic forming spontaneous walls around freedom's never-failing wish to escape.

You played out the processes that incurs during a time of little focus very nicely.

Answer 3

Now is this yours, or Al Rocheleau?

I like the Villanelles much better than the Sonnets. Maybe it's because Sonnets are every where, but more than likely it's for the reason listed above. The aba aba aba with slant rhymes comes off smooth. If those were all in true rhyme it would sound boring, or worse, forced. I like slant rhymes. This was a pleasure to read.

Now, is this yours or Al's? Either way, thanks for sharing.

(I have to agree with Iano)

Answer 4

An interesting format and would have to agree that the repeating lines have to be special to make the rest sing.  Yours sang.  My compliments.  I must try this format.

Answer 5

This is written in tercets, all right, but in no way is it a villanelle. Look up the form in a good dictionary of literary terms (ask your reference librarian) to begin with. Then, for purposes of comparison, read and analyze the form of a great villanelle: Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night."

Answer 6

This is another of my favorites, perhaps my ultimate favorite among some of the one thousand poems of yours I have read. However, it sets the bar too high for me. I have been attempting to write one of these for months, ever since I first saw this Conundrum. So far, the form has been an insoluble conundrum for me. Every time I try and then compare what I have written to the palette you illustrate here, mine goes in the trash. Someday perhaps, I will succeed...

Answer 7

A high water mark...and what of your recent work?

Answer 8

You are so skilful! This is amazing work.  

Answer 9

Another quite good one. As I said before regarding the howlers you write, you were resting on your laurels with them. That's what happens when one gets praised for shopping lists - one then writes for writing's sake, rather than because one has anything worthwhile to say.

Discipline, sir. Now let's see more stuff like what I've recently commented on.