Would you class this as 'violent behaviour'?

Question

My son is under special needs at school and unfortunately seems to annoy other children at times. Unfortunately whenever the headmaster has to speak to us he always talks about our son's 'acts of violence' towards other children.

I know our son hits out at children from time to time but to us doesn't seem violent. My thoughts on being violent are punching someone enough to break a bone, severely bruise or cause a nosebleed - which he has NEVER done and I would be absolutely mortified if he did.

All I am asking in this question is what you would call 'an act of violence' in a child. I know my son has done wrong and is being punished which is understandable but personally I feel that the headmaster is using too strong a language for this.

Answer 1

Being at a special needs school I would of thought the headmaster would refrain from such strong language as children are at the school for a reason they have special needs!  And act of violence to me is punching, kicking, biting, pulling hair etc....  But you will be very protective of your child and in the headmasters defence if your child is doing any of these things what else would you call it.  Just explain to headmaster that you are concerned and sit down and talk how you can try and resolve the issue etc...

Answer 2

I suppose when the headmaster lables it as 'an act of violence' it sounds extreme, but  it is violent behaviour if you hit out at someone, regardless of the age. I understand what you are saying and when it concerns your child it's very hard. I know a child who behaves in the same way towards other children and it does look quite violent when he hits out or kicks someone.

Answer 3

Hypothetically, if you were to punch me - not breaking my nose, leaving only a small bruise, if any - but nonetheless it you had no good reason for doing it and it was sufficiently hard not to be playful, then I would consider it to be a violent act and within my rights to hit you back.

You might think that because your son and his classmates are children these kind of rules don't apply; perhaps you are correct, but perhaps it is particularly hurtful for a child to be hit for no reason at all, psychologically more than physically.  And, ultimately, isn't the resulting psychological affect - fear, etc - the aim of a physical attack?

Answer 4

no offense but it seems like your son is being violent to his classmates.why don't you try asking him why he's being violent to them.or ask what you can do to help.try telling the headmaster to give him time to improve in his behaviour.

tell me how it goes

Ann

Answer 5

You're seriously saying something only violent if it breaks a bone or causes bleeding?

You are wrong.

If your son even laid a finger on my daughter, it would be viewed as violent.  

You're failure to deal with the situation because of your denial is making the situation worse.

Answer 6

Harassment, threats, intimidation, vandalism, physical

assault, robbery, arson and homicide are all considered to

be forms of violence, so no, not just breaking bones or letting blood, but the threat of such is considered violence. He probably does not seem violent to you because at home he does not have the same pressure and triggers that he has at school.

From an "adult" point of view, violence can take both verbal and physical forms. And all of them are punishable by law. You do your child a grave disservice by excusing these smaller forms of violence, rather than by working on finding more appropriate ways for him to express anger, frustration, sadness, etc while it is still somewhat acceptable rather than illegal.

I had a child who was very violent, and I worked VERY hard with the school to create a Positive Behavior Plan (PBP). I'm not sure about your country's special ed laws, but in the US, all I needed to do was write a letter to the school district saying that there was a need for an outside trained professional to come in and assess the situation from a nonbiased standpoint and help create a support system for my daughter. This psychologist was able to find the situations and people that were triggering her outbursts, and not only help eliminate them, but create a positive reward system for doing well, as well as an emergency plan for when things got out of control.

The school was required to write out a chart for every incident, including antecedents, the actual behavior, the teacher response, student responses, supports offered my child, and in the end, how the incident was finished. We also requested that no teachers or principals were allowed to discuss these outbursts with us in front of our child, that seemed to encourage her outbursts, so please consider that.

Answer 7

It would be nice if the headmaster was more considerate and  chose his words more carefully but when you have a special needs child,you have to get a tougher skin. I would turn the tables on him and find out why the school isn't handling things better to prevent such actions.Tell the Headmaster,no one is more upset about the hitting then me,what are you going to do about it? Get him to have the Behavior Specialist in the classroom to observe and see why these incidents are occurring, and set up a behavior plan. Your child is there for help,make them give it to him. We were lucky to have a great B.S. She would put things in perspective with people (like your Headmaster)when incidents occurred.She would say,a slap takes 5 seconds,the school day is 6 hours,how did the other 5 or so hours go?(although my son never hit another student,it would be his one/one aide) She was great! Hope you have a good one in your school too.The support really helped me.Good luck!

add on: Hi Annie,I have missed your comments the last few days!

Answer 8

Small boys fight each other sometimes. If only the social services and education industries would let them get on with it they would have grown out of it before the became teenage thugs. the answer to being hit by another small boy is to hit him back. The school ethos should be just to make sure it is a one to one fight.

Answer 9

Violence is any act that causes pain to another according to most schools in most states.  This can include physical as your child is demonstrating but it CAN also include emotional!  Yes, your son is violent and without help may take it to the level that you consider violent.

Answer 10

Suppose we take the question from another angle.

Instead of considering whether your son is being violent, look at where else we hear the word 'violence'.

'Domestic violence'. Would you say that domestic violence is only violence if a person suffers broken bones/nosebleeds/etc?

I don't think so. A swung hand in a slap is quite aggressive enough to be termed violence, even though hit does not draw blood or beak bones.

I can understand that you don't want to see your son labeled, but I fear that in so doing you may be blinkering yourself.

Answer 11

Violence as defined by whom? You may not see it as violence because you are not getting hit... Try to see it from the reciever of the hitting. Also, is he causing injury to others? If someone addressed my son's behavior as violent, I wouldn't ask for him to change his language, but describe (in detail) what the behavior looks like... what does 'hitting out' mean. Does he hit with a fist... is it hard... does he do it frequently? And, what is the cause? Is he classified with a disability (e.g., autism, aspergers's, adhd)? If you don't know the cause, you should find a specialist who can find out for you (behaviorist, psychiatrist).

Forget about the language he is using...it sounds like you don't even know what is going on exactly. Get some clarification, and get the right people to help him.

Answer 12

Yes, it is "violent behavior" - any act of harming another, no matter how minor is considered violent behavior.

Because he is your child, you are only seeing it from your side.  If your child came home and said that someone was hitting him, I'm sure you'd be highly upset even if he had no bruising or broken bones.

Has the school looked at placing your child on a behavioral intervention plan to teach him a more appropriate behavior?

Answer 13

The headmaster is exagerating by far as violent behaviour is definitley when you put someone square bank in the face or another part of the body.

if your headmaster is anygood then he would understand that your child may not know what is wrong and what is right as in violence i have a friend with an autistic children she pinches punches pulls hair and so on that is act of violents but the main thing people have got to consider is the fact that your son may not realise he is doing wrong .

therefore you should question the headmaster phrase as ur son bein violent it is aload of rubbish

Answer 14

any act of aggression is an act of violence whether you like it or not, your child is clearly violent

hitting out is hitting out regardless of how hard

Answer 15

Sorry to hear about your troubles...it does seem as though your son is violent, he doesn't have to hit someone to be violent...he can have a violent attitude..be agressive...

I work with the Police and we were called to an incident like this, because of a lad similar to your son...he never actually hit, but even I saw him as violent...however, don't feel guilty...its not your fault, nor is it your sons...unfortunately its how he was made...and he is probably so intelligent, yet can't show it completely, he gets frustrated and hits out.

Good luck...and don't worry too much...I'm sure it'll all work out...

Answer 16

I really liked the answer from the people who talked about a behavioral specialist.

Violent acts really makes it sound like the your son is the next Manson doesn't it?

So let me propose a thought to you we learned from the behavioral specialist we got to deal with my daughter's "acts of violence".  

All behavior serves a function:  It gets you what you want, it helps you avoid what you don't want, or it is controlled by forces the patient cannot control (such as with bipolar disorder).    Your son classified under special needs and I am not sure why, although I can suspect his behavior has something to do with it.

If he cannot be categorized in the final category, he does not have a severe brain injury, autism, or something physical that affects the way his brain works, then challenge your principal.  Instead of discussing his "acts of violence", which serves no purpose other than making you and your child feel horrible, figure out what you child's behavioral function is.  Is he being picked on prior to these incidents?  Is he trying to seek something, like attention from someone?  Is it possible he is mimicking behavior observed from other students but due to his disability takes it too far?  If other boys in the class rough house but your son has impulse control issues, he may do it at inappropriate times, for example, or to someone who may not want it.

If you can decide the function of the behavior you can plan to teach your child more appropriate ways to get his needs met.  The fact that he doesn't seem violent to you would seem to me that there is more to your son's behavior than meets the eye.  Lecturing and punishing don't seem to be effective in changing his behavior or you wouldn't be here.

Good luck to you.

Answer 17

Most schools and educational specialists classify any act of physical aggression towards a person or property as violent behavior.  If your son is repeatedly attempting to physically strike another child, that could be considered violent.  I work with many parents and generally tell them that if the behavior could result in ANY physical pain or damage, it needs to be addressed.  Basically, dealing with it now, while the child is young and before it can escalate will make it much easier.  Even the mildest of physical attacks from an older child or adult can bring in law enforcement, so it is imperitive we do all we can early on to help the child find better ways to communicate their frustration and re-direct that energy.

My suggestion would be to request that any time the phrase "act of violence" is used in a report or written communication, the school include a description of the act ..for exapmple...one incidence of violent behavior (attempted to strike another student with open hand).  Insist that any and all behaviors the school deems "violent" be documented this way,each and every time, with copies sent to you and placed in your child's record.  It may seem excessive, but it is best to be able to point to what happened specificially than for the mention of "violent behaviors" with no explanations to be veiwed in the future (new teachers, specialists, etc).

Answer 18

We live in an era of "no tolerance" to any acts of violence, bullying and other behaviors you and I may have gotten away with 20 years ago.

No matter his disability, he does not have the right to threaten, injure or hit another person.

Answer 19

Impossible to answer properly without a bit more detail. What's violent from a 5 year old could be very different from what is classed as violent from a 14 Year old.

Also depends what your son has on his SEN statement and whether he is in mainstream schooling or at a special school.

The trend nowadays seems to be to put kids into mainstream schools where the teachers simply do not have the experience or the knowledge to deal with special needs children.

More and more parents of SN children are opting for home schooling simply because the system no longer provides the help they need. There are dozens of websites offering help if you choose that route.

I have been fighting without any success for two years to get my son assessed for dyslexia, but all we have achieved so far is an assesment that he is definately not ASD.

Best of luck

Answer 20

An act of violence against another child is when the perpetrator hurts intentionally another child. This can take the form of smacking,pinching,punching,kicking,spitt... I feel the head is using the correct language and you need to support him in every way you can.

Your son needs to understand that any of these acts against another person is unacceptable. I also feel that you need to understand the same.

Answer 21

I'm so sorry but hitting out in any form is an act of violence. Even if it doesn't fit in to what you would call it, I'm afraid it is. Not causing bruising or injury doesen't excuse it I'm afraid.  Every child has a right to go to school and not be subjected to any kind of physical outburst - it's their human right. if you son has a problem with this, it definitely needs to be addressed asap.

Answer 22

Are you kidding?  Do you think violence isn't violence until a bone is broken or you see blood?  You need help yourself or you will not be able to help your son.  You must be clear on what violence is and you seem to be in denial.  At this point, the Headmaster would probably be the better judge than you, so you should listen to him.  The problem is that even if someone else was to identify violent behavior to you, you probably are not able to deal with setting appropriate consequences for your son, since you seem to want to excuse him.  Kids are seldom messed up on their own, it usually comes from the parents not dealing well with their job as parents, mentors, protectors, disciplinarians, and role models.  So, fix yourselves first, then you can help your kid, and listen to the HeadMaster, he can identify violent behavior, he has to look out for the safety of all the other kids before your kid breaks a bone or draws blood. You could benefit from family counseling, but everyone has to participate for it to work, not just the kid.

Answer 23

Well sums it up does it not. Look at the negative attitude of the head - i had a similar situation and a change in school where positivity was rife has resulted in no more incidents at all in the last year!!!!!!!! can you believe that?

What is the special needs?

My understanding on this is that your son may not manage to express himself or socialise in the way expected. There are skills to that can be given to help this (see your doc) as i was told that not everyone is born with social skills! In schools today any form of hitting etc etc is classed as completely unacceptable..........sometimes this is just boys, they want to lead, take control, fight, and play rough n tough but again this is not acceptable nowadays.

One thing i learned from a professional in this field was to revert the criticism back to them (headteacher) and say....... that every child is an individual so what do they plan to do to accommodate your childs individuality?! See how they answer that one............. !!!!

Could this maybe be that you need to look for a more positive enviroment where your son can be taught and have positivity around him.................negativity breeds negativity....!

In answer to your question in todays schools, lashing out is a form of violence. Hitting is a form of violence. So i agree with what words he is using but it is strong for the situation and the age of children involved.

Ps - reading some of the above, these people get on my goat, most children that have special needs do NOT lash out on purpose, it is a lack of communication and social skills, that is why they act in this manner. And for any parent that would like to challenge this - ask a health specialist in this field.

I dont recall you saying he was in a special needs school as someone said above - you wrote he has special needs. Right?

Yes and most of these children are highly intelligent, but lack in basic social skills.

I can fully understand your concern, been there, wrote the book etc etc and only after 7 years of screaming di i get the right treatment, diagnosis and correct therapy for my child. In the last 18 months he has excelled - so dont give up, dont listen to the negativity, start getting the right help and SUPPORT! Remember he deserves a chance in life and you are the only one that can give him it, these children are normally extremely unhappy within theirselves that they act like this.

If you need any more help just let me know!!!!!

Answer 24

I have been working as a supply teacher and have seen some children who are Autistic hit their one to one support worker. I have also seen a lot of children (not all with SEN) use verbal abuse and i have been hit my a child in a class. Whilst this did not physically hurt me, it has effected me emotionally, so much so i decided to seek employment out of teaching. One thing that i would say is, even though your son has not hit anyone, his behaviour might scare the other children. I have found this in some of the harder classes i have been up. Good luck with your son's headteacher.

Answer 25

I agree with the headmaster, any action which causes another student pain is wrong.  Schools should have a zero tolerance with hitting.  It is hard to hear I am sure, but yes your son is being violent.  Special needs are not, and as a mother of a special needs teenager I do understand.  

My question is is this a public school, does your school receive public funding and does your child have an IEP.  If so the school needs to accommodate his needs and develop a behavior modification plan.

Answer 26

Ok a lot of the comment are a little rough. I can understand where you are coming from because I have a special needs brother but I think you could grasp this a little easier if it was another kid hitting on your child. Schools today have no recourse but to draw the line at any act or even threat of aggression. What if  just once your son poked @ someone and heperm. damaged there eye. The school would hold some liability for letting it happen especially if he had exibited aggressive behavior in the past. I don't dissagree with the headmasters language and as unfortunate as the situation is it is your responsibility to ensure he doesnt do it any more.

good luck

Doc

Answer 27

Hitting other children is an act of violence. The headmaster may be concerned that it will get worse in time.