Would you comment another?

Question

Untitled

By Jonni F.

A million stars

shine down on me.

Watch them for hours,

with the same wonder

I had as a child.

Wish on the first one,

and hope on the rest.

With the same faith

I had as a child.

Answer 1

The eternal child with heart enthralled

In wondrous awe looks to the world.

A little one in ancient sun

A beauty graced in heaven placed

Where'er it deigns to dwell ...

Its very good ... : )

Answer 2

Beautiful, simply wonderful!

To maintain the faith, wonder, amazement of a child in the new moon starry sky is fantastic!

Bless you -- you brought up some wonderful memories for me.

T.

Answer 3

A million stars

shining down on me.

Mesmerizing.

Childlike, I stare

as I always have...

Wishing upon the first,

hoping with the rest,

with this child's faith.

Answer 4

That was pretty good, keep writing. I like it and the idea..its sweet and makes people think and stimulates you visually, makes you imageine what it looked like as what was happening/going on

Answer 5

You are in the process of mastering the form. Now, for the "drumbeat," or what I call the "heartbeat" of poetry. Put a stethoscope to your chest. Does your heart beat in regular fashion, or does the doctor need to take action? You have expressed hope and renewed faith here, but you have told us, not shown us.

This is a very fine statement. Now, turn it into a poem

Answer 6

These stars

Shining hope

For all

Wistful thinking

Wishful drinking

It all in at once

I see them nightly

In your skies

In my eyes

Star struck again

Answer 7

That was very well said. "[H]ope on the rest" was the line that sold me.