Would you consider giving your child up for adoption...?

Question

My friend is pregnant and cant find a job. Her fiance works two jobs that dont cover rent. The dont have any furniture. She owes three banks money and her cars being taken. They cant afford basic things like food and electricity... I wouldt really want to bring a child into this world under these circumstances...

Answer 1

Babies don't really need anything that you can't get through government programs, good will and the dollar store for the first 5 years. In 5 years are your friend and her fiance still going to be in this position?

Permanent solution to a temporary problem seems to fit this question perfectly.

Answer 2

you know this is America if you have your child you can get Govt supports and your child would be fine, so don't worry................

Answer 3

How would you really know unless you were IN the situation?  I would say give the baby up, but if it was me  I probably couldn't give up my own flesh and blood.  i would probaby work like crazy so I could raise the baby.   I would find a job no matter what it took.

Answer 4

Since I grew up in this world an orphan.

I can tell you from experience.

It is better to have been loved and lost.

Than to have been, "never loved at all."

Had I had the choice. I just might have got that love. <}:-})

Answer 5

when i was 18 my best friend got pg.  this was 1961.  they fired her at work.  she was married.  I moved in with them and paid the rent until she could go back to work.  Her MIL watched the baby.  i moved out.

Answer 6

No, it's not something I would be able to do. I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world under those circumstances, either, but people have done it with fewer resources and more problems. If there's a will, there's a way. Heck--I wouldn't even give my CAT up for "adoption". Couldn't do it. If necessary, I'd ask a family member to take temporary custody, until I could get on my feet. I'd figure something out.

Answer 7

I'm amazed at how anti-adoption these answers are, it's really sad that some people feel a child is their posession instead of their responsibility. A responsible parent thinks of their child before themselves, the child's needs before their  own wants.

I carefully selected my daughters parents from thousands of wonderful families prepared in every way to care for her. Parenting is not just about money, 'rent or furniture'. To grow into a well rounded, healthy adult, children need so much more than that.

My daughter knows that because of my love for her, I gave her TO adoption, quite the opposite of giving her 'up'.

I faced a lot of cruelty from people (like ones here) who don't understand what an incredibly beautiful experience it can be.

'Thumbs down' me all you want, I know I did the right thing and never doubted it for a second. Because of my choice, she has a wonderfully full life.

**A private attorney is best, my experience with CPS was not a good one and you don't get to choose the family.

Answer 8

"Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Money & jobs problems go away eventually. Losing a child to adoption is a lifelong experience. While your friend's current situation is not ideal, it can change.

There are programs to assist families in need. If they are expecting they can recieve services through DSS, medicaid, WIC, TANIF, churches, etc. Please encourage them to use the resources available to them! There are several family preservation groups which can help guide them as well. A quick internet search should provide a variety of support options.

Answer 9

No money etc doesn't have to be forever. (it's a temporary thing)

Adoption is forever.

Where there is a will - there is a way.

I've lived adoption for 38 years - I would NEVER put my own child through it - and would hope that if at all possible - others wouldn't either - unless they really really have to.

I would do anything to help a friend in need to keep their baby - even taking them in - if need be.

Mothers and babies shouldn't be split up - if it doesn't have to happen.

It's a whole heap of head mess for the adoptee to come to terms with being given away.

Babies/children need to grow amoungst those that look like them, act like them, have talents like them - for better emotional and psychological health.

If it doesn't HAVE to happen - it shouldn't.

Please make sure you pass on this -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I know too many mothers with major regrets - and they wish they knew this stuff when they needed to.

Answer 10

your friend can leave her child with her parents or her brother/sister so that she can still visit her child once in while but if there is no other way, adoption may be an option. But remember that her child may someday want to meet her biological parents. it may be hard for her child to accept that her parents left her or her child might think that her real parents are dead. it would be really miserable for the child.

Answer 11

maybe there's a family member that can watch the child until they get their lives straight

Answer 12

sometimes adoption IS the responsible choice

Answer 13

I think adoption would be a great choice for your friend.  I've done it, and I feel really good about it.  I love my son, whom I still see regularly and his adoptive parents.  Adoption doesn't have to be a sad thing.  It can be really great.  

Lots of people seem to be telling you that government programs will solve the problems your friend is having.  They won't.  With food and gas prices going up, and minimum wage not being a living wage it is unfair to your friends and that baby for them to try to raise him or her.   Government programs don't help you in the long run.  They put a band-aid on the gaping wound of poverty.  Your friends will still have all the problems they do now, plus the biggest responsibility in the world added right on top.  Yeah, baby's food will get partially financed, but government programs won't pay rent, or for their food, or electricity, or for clothing for the baby, or diapers...etc.  

Your friend doesn't have to "give up" her child if she chooses adoption.  She can gain a whole new family.

Answer 14

I am struggling but my baby is wanting for nothing because I do everything in my power for her. She is the happiest baby you can find (even if it is giving me gray hairs to keep her that way but that is my problem)

I could NEVER give her up for adoption. It would kill me.

As someone said no money is not forever but adoption is. Right now I am struggling b/c I am in school but as soon as I am done....

We will be ok again

Answer 15

Is their a family member that can help her, or maybe since your her friend is their a way you can help her so she knows the baby is with someone close to her.

Answer 16

If it is that bad. She need realy think about it . because will she be able to feed and diaper that baby. if that baby gets sick want is she going to do. If her fiance loss he's job. I feel sorry for her.  Good Luck and God Bless. Diona

Answer 17

adoption is beautiful i feel. we wanted to adopt but because we have 3 living children they basically told us not to be greedy. but how can it be seen as greed if you can afford more children. it seems only famous ppl are allowed to have mountains of children and never questioned.

i wish your fried all the best. adoption isnt shameful. ppl who adopt are happy to do a form of open adoption usually where they send pictures every so often of the child to show progress.

Answer 18

I'm a birth mother, I put my son up for adoption 3 1/2 years ago. I still keep in contact with the adoptive parents. When I was pregnant with him I had just got out of an abusive relationship. The father was verbally, physically, and mentally abusive to me and said that if we had ever had children together he would treat them the same way. I was not going to put my child through that situation. I grew up in a home where my mother was an alcoholic and her and my brother fought all the time and not argue fighting i mean fist fights... I didn't want my child growing up in that situation. I knew that even if I kept the baby he would find out about the child and try to take him from me. My son is in a really good place. They take him places all over the US that I could never take him. He is really took care of really good and I think I made the best decision ever. I keep in contact with them all year round, I get pictures of him and the family as well. Adoption is a better decision then abortion or just neglecting the child all together. I wouldn't change my choice for anything. My son knows that he is adopted and he gets pictures of me and my family as well.

Answer 19

i would still not give up the child sorry but the studies that i have seen have it that adoptees are saying that child abuse is over 50 times higher then in birthing parents care.

also last time i looked most of the adoptees on this boards are like myself in that it is thought of as a experiment in human and trafficking in children that is legal to some extent or for the most part.

while i understand that it can work well for some but from my point of view i would abolish it

Answer 20

What a terrible situation.  That must be heart-wrenching for them and for you to watch.

Adoption can be a wonderful thing; and many adoptions today are open; the biological parents can be involved in the child's life to any degree they agree to with the adoptive parents.

It really depends on your friends; are they ready to take any jobs they can take and work hard and get their lives straightened out enough to raise and afford a child?  Some people do, and it all works out.  Some decide that someone else may provide a safer and more stable environment.

The very most important thing to think about is the child.  What is best for the child?  What will bring him the most happiness and give him the best chance at a good life?

  Both options have long term consequences and difficulties. Whatever the decision, good luck to them and to the child.

Answer 21

They have created a family.

No WAY would I ever recomend losing the child to strangers.