Would you consider this harassment?

Question

Here's the deal. I have 2 step daughters. I live with my wife and her 8 yr old daughter. The older daughter who is 14 lives primarily with her father and we get her every other weekend and 2 full weeks during the summer. No big deal. However, being I am disabled and can't really do much with them when the both kids are here, and my wife is at work, they claim to be bored. So, the older one tells her father and he calls children & youth on me! This is the second time it happened. He called on her mother before she lived with me about stale milk??!?! But anyway, would you consider her father to be harassing us with children & youth for totally unfounded reasons and total B.S. reasons? He has also tried and still does try to get his daughter to turn against her mother and me whenever possible. He makes it seem like it is torture to come up to my house. He is one of those that if you look at him wrong he will go to court for some ridiculous reason and it never turns out for him anyway. Just a burden and waste of time and money for us. The daughter is "scared" to tell her father what she thinks so this drama continues and probably will until she is 18. This has put a strain on my marriage involving this j*****f that we can't ever have peace. He allows his wife to be called mom by the daughter, but god forbid he would be in court in a second if she called me dad. I don't want her to, but yet it is ok to call her step mom- Mom, right in front of my wife, her REAL mother. So would you consider this to be harassing on his part by calling C&Y everytime he feels like it?

Answer 1

No, it's not harassment.  He's doing what he thinks is right.  If C&Y get enough calls from him that turn out to be nothing, they'll eventually start investigating him.  So just let it be.

Answer 2

Yes, he sounds a little crazy.  It seems like he feels threatened by you and is (consciously or not) afraid of not being the "better" father. I think your wife needs to step in an talk to him.  I think she needs to be diplomatic and very nice when talking to him.  She should reassure him that his daughters are loved by both of you and are going to be well taken care of when they are at your house. He should not worry about them so much. She should reassure him that he is still their "Dad" and will always be their first Dad and that no one can ever replace him. But at the same time, both he and your wife are trying to create new relationships/marriages and that needs to be respected.  His wife is respected as a step-mother and you should be respected as the step-father. Your wife needs to have this conversation with him instead of you because she had the "original" relationship with him and is in the "biological" parenting relationship with him and their 2 daughters. If he will not listen to her, she should go to his new wife and explain that you and she are worried about the husband and want to reassure him that his daughters are in good hands when they are at your house.  

As for the step-daughters, encourage them to talk to you if they have a problem with something at your house.  Tell them to talk with you and their mother first about any problem at your house before they go to their biological father. I am sure it is hard on them to "juggle" 2 families and trying to make peace among everyone.  

I hope this helps a little!

Good Luck