Would you consider us to be a good adoptive parents?

Question

If you were to give a baby up for adoption, would you consider me a good parent for him/her?

Me and my bf have been together for 4 years. We ADORE children, and have a very good moral base. We don't believe kids should talk back to adults and don't believe in physical punishment unless in EXTREME cases where the child might get injured if not corrected.

We are atheists, however, and Im afraid this will hinder us from ever adopting. We believe in presenting religion to a child (as in, making the child go to sunday school) and letting them decide later on whatever they believe.

Grades and hard work are very important to us although neither of us went any farther than high school ourselves.

We don't want a baby to fill a void in our lives, but to have someone to share our lives with so we can make ourselves happier along with a child in need of a family.

We're not rich in any respect and live paycheck to paycheck, but if it came to it.. we'd starve ourselves before the baby went without.

Answer 1

You need to speak to an adoption agency. People on Y/A cannot say yes or no that you would be considered. There is a lot that goes into being adoptive parents and if you decide to go through with it you will have a social worker who will come to your home to asess you and your partner. It if very in depth as they need to know everything about you so they can decide whether you would be suitable for a child.

You say that you dont believe in physical punishment unless it is an extrme case. Physical punishment is a big NO NO in all cases, no matter how strongly you feel you cannot physically hurt a child and this will be explained to you. There are ways of punishing without actual contact.

As for your religion - I am not sure how they will feel about that. It is a big part of the asessment. I think its acceptable to bring the child up in your religion but as you said let them chose for themselves once they are old enough. Dont "make them go to Sunday School"

You dont need to be rich to adopt but you need to be financially secure enough to support a child

COntact an adoption agency to start the ball rolling.

You will never know unless you try!

Good luck

Answer 2

If I were a birth mother I wouldn't select you because you're not married, you live close to the wire financially (it doesn't sound like you have a cushion built into the budget & a reserve fund for emergencies), and you're atheists.  

You might try going through social services (foster care) to see if you can adopt through them.

If you get married, you'll need to wait for a while (I'd say at least a year or two) before you could get a favorable home study done (they like to see stability & longevity in the marriage).

Answer 3

The biggest issue that I can see is the financial ability.  A basic adoption, with no complications, is going to cost between $17,000 and $25,000.  This must be paid prior to taking custody.

You should realize that you will probably be asked to create a profile where you will need to be honest about your beliefs.  If you are passionate about what you believe, and you seem to be, this won't be a problem.  The birth mother/parents will review a stack of these profiles, and they will choose a family to adopt their child.  

You will also be required to have a home study performed.  This involves a social worker coming into your home and doing a BASIC inspection.  He.she will not be coming in with a white glove and clipboard.  The goal is to ensure that the home is safe for a child to be brought in.  You will also be required to be interviewed, both as a couple and individually.  The questions that you will be asked are not intrusive.  They are mostly to get a feel for your upbringing and get a general idea of your parenting style.

In addition, you will need to complete a one-day seminar.  This is quite easy.  You will listen to a facilitator speak about some of the issues that you may or may not encounter.  You will take part in group activities to prompt discussion, etc.

Now, for the MOST important part.  How is your relationship with your boyfriend?  You will hear it a thousand times, but the process of adopting is an emotional roller-coaster, and a financial commitment.  Based on the background that you have provided, it may take some time for you to be chosen.  Many people choose adoption because they have strong religious convictions.  I am not saying this to talk you out of applying.  I am saying this to try to give you any information that I can to help.  If you feel that it will put such a strain on your relationship that it might break you up, then wait.  

I hope that this has helped.

Answer 4

i am 8 weeks pregnant, and i'd gladly concider you as a good parent for my child (baby).

i'm seriouly thinking of giving it up for adoption as i'm so

not ready to be a mom. I'm sorry to hear about you having trouble conceiving. So if your want give me an email and we can talk about it more, if you like.

Answer 5

I believe anyone who could love a child unconditionally and provide for him/her in every way would be an excellent parent.  I agree with others that being legally married is an important part of providing for your child, but it's not essential as there are many single parent homes that are healthy for the children.  

Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

U have some good qualities about u and your bf but to be honest if i were giving my child up for adoption i would not pick u as u are not married to each other and have chosen this and second u are atheist.  I am a christian and have accepted our lord and savior in to our lives, and i would want my child to grow up that way, and that doesnt mean just sunday school and stuff that means in everyday living for our lord and savior and u will be hypacrits to let the child go to church and u dont believe in god or church.  I think u need to wait and see if u want to be married and then maybe find god in your lives before u consider adoption...

Answer 7

well if i were pregnant , number one i would want the couple to be married and married for a couple of years atleast, you could not be living paycheck to paycheck, i would want them to own their own home, i would not care if they went to church but would want them to have faith and a relationship with god, it would not impress me that you had gone no further then high school because education is very important, the reason people give up children is for them to offer a better life i do not see that here, sorry you asked for a honest answer i am giving you one

Answer 8

There's a difference between a legal marriage and holy matrimony.  

If you already live paycheck to paycheck, you'll never be able to afford a child.  Any legitimate adoption agency is going to do a financial analysis to make sure you can properly care for a child.  Even the state agencies aren't going to just hand a child over to a couple who don't eat themselves just so they can afford diapers.

Seriously, part of being a good parent is wanting nothing but the best for your child.  If this is important to you, you both should consider taking second jobs and saving up quite a bit of money.  Be prepared, there are going to be a LOT of adoption related expenses, and then the baby arrives and you've got even more money going out of your pockets.  They say it takes $250k to raise a child.  Can you really afford that extra money leaving your pocket over the next 18 years?  

I personally think there's no way you'd be eligible to adopy through ANY agency given your financial instability, and you'd be pretty selfish and/or irresponsible to try at this point.

Do what you've got to do to get out of your financial mess.  Rent a smaller place, take public transportation, budget budget budget, don't go out anymore, work several jobs to pay off all your bills and then to start saving a nice little nest egg.  You KNOW that's the right thing to do, care enough about this child you want so badly to give it a GOOD life.

Answer 9

No for a few reasons-

Children are rarely given up for adoption to non-married couples. Not even Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt made this happen.

Just because you ADORE kids doesn't mean you understand what parenting is about.  We all have lofty ideals about the types of parents we will be, but often the reality of parenting does not match up perfectly with those ideals. Have you ever had to deal with a child throwing up or pooping on you or dealt with an inconsolable infant?

Your grammar is not good.  This indicates that you are not very well educated.

And as unfair as it seems, you are poor (i.e.- living paycheck to paycheck).  There are many couples with financial means looking to adopt an infant.  If I were giving a baby up for adoption, I would give my child to the parents with the best financial means and educational background, all else being equal.  Children who come from these types homes are given incredible head starts whether we like to accept it or not.

Of course, there are always exceptions to rules and you may be an exception.

In either case, work on your lives before you decide to bring a child into it.

Answer 10

You stand a bigger chance at getting a pet together because they consider married couples above all to be adoptive parents. Get married first then go look for a baby to adopt. You should also have a spare room for the child for the social worker to see.

Answer 11

If I was to give a baby up for adoption there are a few things that would hinder me (the birthmother) from picking your and your boyfriend.  

#1 ~ he is your boyfriend and not your husband.

#2 ~ The fact that you are atheists

#3 ~ in just the few sentences that you have written here, you contradict yourself several times with what you are going to expect of your child.  When a child grows up in a wishy washy home, he or she will be wishy washy.

The is an honest opinion, we are adoptive parents and went through many different situations, the Birthmothers pick you as adoptive parents apart.....which is their right, they are bringing the life into the world....they have the right to have the ideals in order in the adoptive couple they choose.

Answer 12

First off, I am an atheist as well.  I am not a bad person, I dont believe in the devil, you know the drill.  If you are looking to marry, get married by a justice of the peace.  Do not allow any "god brought these two people together" type of speach.  Let it be known that LOVE is what your marriage is based on and what will keep it together, not god.  

I think you would make great parents, but marry first.  Many agencies frown on bf/gf relationships because there is no perminence to it.

Answer 13

As far as I know you sound like fine candidates for adoption. However, I think most birthparents do want the couple to be married. Either that or they are willing to place the child with a single parent but, it may be hard for them to understand why you are NOT married even though you are a couple. I don't think having a baby is a good reason in itself to get married so I'm not advocating doing it for that reason but, it may not be understood why you're not married. As far as the religion issue is concerned, I would just leave it out of your information completely rather than mentioning that you are atheists. Again, I can see where you might not want to do that since it is something you believe and there's no reason to hide it but, from teh birthparents view point it could be an issue for some. If you are asked, I would absolutely be honest but, there's really no reason to make it a part of your "profile." I would fill in the space for religion with "none" or "no affiliation." I don't know if that goes against your beliefs, and if it does I apologize for mentioning it but, I think it would be generally easier for people to think of it in that way. I also think it's fine to say that you're not rich. You don't have to be. But, don't say that you live paycheck to paycheck because that could be a negative way of looking at it in some people's minds. As long as you can afford to support a child, that's all that is necessary. Emphasize the values that you do have. Say what IS important to you and leave out the things that are not important. (don't say how you don't have much money -- say what you DO have) I also wouldn't mention how you would only hit a child in EXTREME cases. That is kind of understood. They want to know what your beliefs are and how you plan to discipline a child -- not how you would react if they were going to run in traffic.

Good luck,

Answer 14

You will only know if you are a good parent after being a parent yourself. Parenting is an experience and thru these ups and down, only then will you realise how good a parent you are. Adoption required a lot of commitment far more than a marriage. A child in the house will also put couples to test.

I have seen wonderful things happens to couples who adopt and have also witness broken marriages when a child came in between. Adopt or biological.

Both you and your boyfriend must be able to commit to each other before thinking of any additions.

You don't have to be rich to have a child. You just need to love them more than yourselves and with that, you will find yourself working hard for them and money will just come.

A show I would recommend you to watch is "The pursuit of Happyness"  by Will Smith. This show is inspired by a true story. It has nothing to do with adoption, but a father's love to provide the best that he can to his child when the marriage couldn't sustain due to financial difficulty.

Hope you find happyness in whatever you decide... ...

Answer 15

I do not claim to be an expert, but I can offer my experience.  My wife and I were pushing forty when we got married and we knew we could not have biological children.  We wanted to adopt right away because of our age.  Several adoption agencies would not even talk to us until we we married for two years.

My wife and I had to sign a pledge never to spank our child.

Answer 16

Atheism is not a deterrent to adopting.  Birthmothers can also be athesits, or just not have a preference as to religion of the adoptive parents.  

However, not being married for at least 2-3 years can be.  No one wants to place a child into a less than stable home.  And this is the reason that most agencies and birthmothers do not select "living together" couples.

A huge deterrent in some states (should be in all, in my opinion!) is that you will use physical punishment.  Even a once in a while thing is against the law in some states for a child who is adopted on in foster care.  Especially with a child coming home through adoption or foster care, it is never a good idea to show them physical force.  Again, why would a birthmother make this kind of sacrifice, only for her child to be hit?

Another deterrent would be your financial instability.  If a birthmother wanted to have her baby parented by someone who lived paycheck to paycheck, she would likely parent the baby herself.  Birthmothers are usually looking for a better opportunity for her child.  A life she could not give her child.  That is not  what living on such a limited income would likely  provide.

Your education can be a deterrent to some birthmothers as well.  If she only went to high school, again, she is looking for a better situation for her child, and therefore may prefer  college educated couples.  Some adoptive parents already have a college education saved for their child, or are working towards it when they adopt.

Of course, these things alone do not make a good adoptive parent!  But it is usually where most agencies and birthmothers start.  Then they add to that all the particulars they are looking for in parents.

I'm not trying to discourage you, but to help you be realsitic.  Sure, there are some agencies who will work with you, and probably a birthmother who would select you right now, but you need to know the likelihood.

Foster care/adoption of an older child may have stringent requirements, because it is through the state.  Consider this if you really want to share your life with a child.  This is where the need really is.  Not for infants.  

Goodl luck no matter whart you decide!