Would you consider your husband going to a strip club, without you knowing, cheating?

Question

Oh and lying about it. Or, could it be a start in that direction?

Answer 1

No, it's not cheating, because he didn't have s*x with anybody.  But it is lying, and I think that's just as bad.

Answer 2

I wouldn't consider it cheating... /but/ I would be very hurt and would let him know it..

but thankfully he doesn't feel he need to lie about something like that... or even go to a strip club for that matter...

Answer 3

no.  

If all he was doing was looking, tipping and maybe a lap dance.  Then no that's not cheating.  I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but I wouldn't care if it was a once in a while thing.

if he's hired a dancer for some "private" entertainment beyond dancing then yes that's cheating.

if he's spending marital funds in excess at the strip club, I consider that stealing.

as to the lying:  that's another issue.  I will not tolerate a liar.  If he'd lie about something that I don't really care about then what wouldn't he lie about?  The trust is gone.

Answer 4

I wouldnt call it cheating but i would be upset about him lying about it. I dont mind my bf going to the stirp club to look but, i think its really wrong for him to pay women to give him lap dances. Its not acceptable anywhere else for him to have women dance naked for him and put their chest in his face  so why should it be acceptable there? Thats the way i look at it. If you go to the strip club you better not get lap dances because then we have a big problem.

Answer 5

Here's the definition my husband and I hold for cheating.

Cheating: Doing something you wouldn't otherwise do that involves the other s*x if your spouse knew about it or was in the room.

Would your husband have gone to that strip club if you knew about it?  I don't know - it depends on how your relationship is.

If he knows you disapprove of strip clubs, than I would say yes, that's cheating in a way.  However, if you do not disapprove of strip clubs, or if he did not KNOW for a FACT that you disapprove of strip clubs, than no it's not really cheating.

Why not sit him down and talk to him.  If you're against strip clubs, tell him that they bother you and you'd prefer he not attend them.  I'm sure if he has any respect for you he will not go to one again.  And he'll probably apologize for hurting/offending you.  

I, personally, am okay with p**n but NOT okay with my husband attending strip clubs.  

Good luck.

Answer 6

No, but it might hurt my feelings. I think it depends on the scenario.  If he and a few buddies are going out to celebrate something or a bachelor party, okay, but if he starts going alone because he is bored of looking at me, then i'd be pissed.  not much different than p**n I think, which can be hurtful too.

Say, dear, you don't need to go to a club like that.  I'll give you a show any time???? That is what I would do.

Answer 7

yes emotional cheating and lying about it would be physiologically cheating, not knowing  (good luck)

Answer 8

Cheating is not telling your mate.  

Cheating is not sharing your inner wants with your mate/spouse.

Cheating is not completely being who you really are in front of your spouse.  

Cheating is lying.  

Cheating is tricking your mate.  

Cheating is not being faithfull.

Cheating is lusting over naked women.  

Answer 9

It's deceptive and disrespectful...

How could any man think that he is benefitting his relationship by patroning one of these s***k joints?

Answer 10

Cheating? No way.

But my husband doesn't feel the need to lie about stuff like that. If he is going he will let me know. I could care less.  

Answer 11

My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years.  He has went to a strip club with his friends.  I have no objections because he comes home turned on and I benefit from others work....lol  He has never given me a reason to not trust him.  Also, he has never lied about being somewhere he wasn't.  However, in your situation I wouldn't be mad because he went to the strip club........I would be mad that he lied to you about it.  

Answer 12

Most definitely a heated argument. Especially since he knows how I feel about those places. Its not a requirement, need or like shopping for shoes. There is no reason he should want to go out to a place where naked women walk around and rub their b***s in your face. (and yes, in the clubs around where we live, the women get totally naked and will put their cooter within inches or your face)

It really is degrading to see women do things like that for money.  

Answer 13

I was going to say no until you said and lying. That's cheating. He should have been honest. Why lie unless he was afraid of your reaction? I know that my husband would tell me because he's honest but also because he knows that I'm stable. I'm a contemplater so if I get upset or angry then it's a slow rise to get there. There isn't much that gets me going. I get over it too. It is what it is.

Answer 14

  speaking for the males, its not cheating--   unless you sleep with a stripper ( which normally does not happen for most average guys), its just entertainment-  unless you two have some pact about not attending these things, then its more of a honesty issue--    same applies to you, you can attend a male show, thats not cheating

Answer 15

Alright, I'm going to imagine that this is MY husband doing it.

I wouldn't consider a strip club cheating on principal. Most strip clubs in our area don't even allow full nudity and the ones that do don't allow touching. At least as far as I know. And since we both have a relaxed view on pornography, I would consider him going to a strip club as a sort of pornography without the release of masturbation.

But if he did it behind my back and then lied about it, I would be angry. I would understand that he was probably nervous about telling me; maybe he believes that if he's honest about it then I'll yell and scream and tell him he can't go.

So I would explain to him that no matter what he does, lying about it only makes it 10 times worse. I would ask him that if he wants to go to a strip club with his buddies again, just relax and be honest about it and it will be easier for me to be relaxed about it and okay with it.

Answer 16

Well I sure wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't call it cheating yet, because he technically didn't do anything with another woman, besides ogle at her... Just have a talk with him and tell him you would rather know about him going to a strip club than him doing it behind your back. Also if he was lying about it that would make me even more mad because that would mean he didn't think I would understand him going, which I wouldn't, but still! So talk to him, be mad at him for a day or two but then get over it and let him know that next time he should let you know when he is doing that... or if there is anything you can do to persuade him not to go..

Answer 17

It would be inappropriate for him to go, but to lie about it would make it 100,000,000 times worse.

Answer 18

It's not technically "infidelity" but it's cheating.  Sure wouldn't like to find out my wife went to male strip clubs without telling me...

What's fair for the goose is fair for the gander.

Answer 19

In our relationship, I would consider his going to a strip club with or without telling me to be cheating. I do understand that others may feel differently. As a matter of fact,he & I have had this discussion because he felt differently until I explained that I thought it was disrespectful to me to have him lusting after other women, that it hurt my feelings. I truly believe that this kind of activity can very easily lead to further things that most people WOULD consider cheating. He would also never want me to go to a male strip club(even though he knows I just wouldn't anyway), so why should he?

Answer 20

I guess I would see it as bad !

What are the circumstances? Was it a planned out bachelor party and he didn't tell you b/c he knew you would be mad ? or did he go alone or with just one other buddy ?

Something like a big b-day bash of guys or bachelor party seems "okay", i guess and only once..............

But, if he was trying to keep it from you and went alone or something really shady like that , I would Question his intentions !!!!!!

Answer 21

Not cheating, but disrespectful and troublesome that he lied about it.  

Answer 22

yes, cheating!

He knew it was because he hid it.

If he doesn't apologize and vow never to do it again, I'd tell the minister and his mother.

Answer 23

NO NO NO NO! Cheating is intercourse with another woman. Him watching strippers dancing is called entertainment.

Answer 24

Him going to the strip club it not bad but him lying about it is very bad.  Why didn't he tell you the truth what does he have to hide?  

Answer 25

its not cheating and my husband doesnt have to lie to me when he goes he just tells me and i could care less because i trust him  

Answer 26

No, I would not. Guys like to do that.

Unless he is devoting time to another woman or women, spending money on them, mooning romantically after them, sleeping with them..  any of those are cheating. Strip clubs are not. Is it cheating if you get a massage by a male masseuse? is it cheating if your male hairdresser gives you a nice head massage? Is it cheating if a male store assistant fits your shoes? Just leave him alone to be a man.  

Answer 27

Not cheating, but he shouldn't lie about it.  He probably lied about it b/c you would tell him it was cheating and he doesn't feel like hearing it.

Answer 28

No, I wouldn't consider it cheating.

I'd be a bit heated if he went and lied about going because 1. the conversation would never come up out the blue because I don't check my husband's whereabouts; so for him to lie would be intentional, and 2. he knows that I wouldn't care if he went, so again, if he lied it would be an intentional lie.

I don't really get upset about too much but him lying to me would start a fight and he knows it. Lying is the one thing I absolutely won't tolerate.  

Answer 29

I wouldn't consider it cheating, but it would be grounds for an argument.

Answer 30

its deffinitely a start...

Answer 31

Yes, got a divorce over it.