Would you feel bad?

Question

This is a question from both me and my husband... About a week ago, our seven year old daughter busted out a window in the house. She was kicking a soccer ball into the wall of the house, something we had asked her not to do. We have a big yard to do these things in. My husband told her if we saw her doing it, she would be punished. After she busted out the window you could tell she was sorry. She was almost in tears. She was promised a spanking, and we felt we could not back down on that. After the spanking she said she learned her lesson, but she learned before the spanking. She has been giving us the silent treatment. We feel bad that we spanked her now. We know we should of punished her. I think we let our anger get in the way. We made poor judgement. We don't want to apolgize becasue this will make her think she can get out of punishment. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

shouldnt have done that. theres other ways of punishment than physical. spanking only makes things worse. i suggest u should take something away like a cell phone,tv privages,no friends for a week,internet ect.

hopefully shell start talking to u again

best of luck =]

Answer 2

hmm, you should have not spanked her.. this is not the right way to punish a child,, dont hit, or punish them physically,, you can easily influence a child's mind with a talk (if you can do that to an adult?) Treat her nicely and talk to her,, dont isolate her,, be very close to her and see how she feels.. if you really dont want to appologies, then treat her nicely,, cook her nice meals. dont be afraid to talk or discuss with her.

Answer 3

well my parents sure did it to me and sure your mad about it then but in the future you won't remember it at all and you'll know no to do that again

Answer 4

You did the right thing by following through with the punishment.  I would not apologize to her.  Also, please do not overcompensate because of your guilt.  She will realize this and take advantage.  Kids are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for and she has to realize consequences.  I don't spank my kids over every little thing but that would probably warrant a spanking.  Broken glass could've hurt her worse than the actual spanking itself.  From the sound of it, she did learn her lesson before she was punished, but you told her something and did the right thing by following through with it.  Just make sure she knows you love her, which I'm sure she already does!!  

Good luck parents...

Answer 5

Why would it be wrong to apologize to your child if you seriously feel you made a mistake.  I have never been shy about apologizing to my children when I make a mistake.  Kids do not need to view their parents as beings who are perfect and never make a mistake, it is good for them to know that you also make mistakes, takes a little pressure of of them to be "perfect."

Answer 6

If you feel that you were wrong to give her the punishment, then by all means apologize.

As long as you explain that you aren't apologizing because she didn't like the punishment, but because you think that you were wrong to give it then you won't be teaching her that she can get out of punishment (she didn't get out of it this time, did she?) but that you can own up to your mistakes.

Basically, it's setting a good example. It's not as though you make a regular habit of this. It's just that this time you feel that you were wrong. Not only that, but by seven years old she is more than capable of understanding reason. As long as you explain things to her, you won't send the wrong message.

Answer 7

although a lot of people dont believe in spanking, i truly believe the lack of it is one reason there are so many spoiled , naughty kids around today! My parents spanked me all throug my childhood and im not "scarred" or resenting towards them. I thank them for it because it made me a respectful person.  One thing i admired about my parents is when we did something we knew we werent supposed to, they would tell us to go in our rooms and think about what we'd done, and then before spanking us, they would make sure we knew why we were getting spanked, and that it was only because they loved us, i plan on disciplining my children, but i also think its very important to not let your anger get in the way. You dont need to apologize to your child. just explain to her why you did it  if you dnot think she understands.

Answer 8

Do not appologize.  You can sit down and talk to her about it.  But she needs to understand that she was wrong.  She knew if she kicked the ball into the side of the house, she'd be punished.  And not only did she do that, but she broke a window.  She probably was really sorry.  But she needs to know that you're going to follow through.  Do not back down.  But I would honestly sit down w/her and just explain that you love her, but you told her not to do what she did.  And you explained the consequences to her.  And she needs to learn that what you say goes.  If she doesn't listen, she will be punished!

Answer 9

don't spanking her again but don't tell her that and about the silent treatment be normal.

Talk to her normal. As if it never happen and if she is doing it still do something with the family like go out to the movies.

But make it sound like it is for you and your husband

Answer 10

you did the right thing in what you did eventually she will forget about what happened and be back to normal don't let it bother you it will only make it worse in the future.

Answer 11

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad at all, lessons need to be learnt.

But you might cop a bit off angry parents about your attitude to spanking.

Answer 12

The apology should not include the spanking.  You gave her instruction, you told her the consequences of her actions, and you acted on those.  She was fully aware of what would happen if she kicked the ball in the house.

You can, instead, tell her you love her and you want her to understand that bad actions get bad consequences.  You understand that she did not like the spanking and you did not enjoy spanking her but you needed to teach her that you mean business and that rules need to be followed or enforced, whichever she chooses to do.

She will get over her anger, because she is still a young person, but it is very important that she know that if she disobeys, there will be negative consequences.

Children are only scarred by spankings because they are told they will be psychologically damaged... I was spanked when a child, and I am perfectly fine.  I have 2 degrees, in different fields, I maintain a household, and a good job.  My temper is pretty even, and I can speak clearly and with knowledge.  Sparing the "rod" will definitely spoil the child and force the US Army and US Marine Corps to give "stress cards" and time outs to their recruits instead of making them strong enough to withstand the tortures and terrors of the wars that are happening now.

You are in need of character building in your child, and you are doing the best you can.  The punishment may have been harsh, but really, she broke a window.  That could lead to being cut... if she cut her wrist, slit the bottom of her foot, dropped it on a major artery, then the child would be seriously harmed.  What is worse?  A pop on the butt, or a cut femoral artery?  I know, worse case scenario, but spanking is an appropriate punishment if someone could have been hurt, and if a ball is kicked in a house, anyone could have been hurt by broken glass, by falling debris or decorations.....

You did good, mom and dad...  Stay firm... and just don't be angry when you do it..

Answer 13

Your daughter is a wise young woman, despite her childlike lack of foresight & control.  She'll grow out of that.  The wisdom will stay with her forever, though.  And, I'll bet she'll trust her children to learn - really learn - how to make good decisions -- not just how to avoid punishments.

And, there is nothing wrong with teaching her, now, by your example, how to apologize when you know you've made a mistake.  (Just like she was doing when she figured out her mistake with the soccer ball)

Answer 14

I think that its best that you followed thro. with what you told her was going to happen if she didnt listen. Children have a way of making us parents feel bad. She will get over it. Just let her know that you dont like at all to have to spank her but when she does something that could harm herself or others that she has to learn a lesson.

Good luck Mom& Dad!

Answer 15

i don't think spanking your children is right, because then instead of respecting your rules, they just fear you and also it can scar them for life.

Answer 16

I dont think the punishment fit the crime.  So I really dont blame her for not speaking to her.  Spanking is a humilitating, degrading action.

Something having to do with soccer, priviledges and games, or earning money for a new window, would have taught a lesson versus humiliation.

Since its done, Id sit down and talk to her about it.  She's going to remember this the rest of her life, which may not be a good thing.  Talk about what more appropriate consequences are.