Would you feel worried about telling off your kids' friends because their parents might hate you for it?

Question

I haven't done it personally, but one of my son's friends is really quite disrespectful towards me and says some degrading stuff. I try not to let it bother me but my friends are telling me to tell him off.

I mean, I don't really want to, because his parents might take offence...I mean, it's not my kid. Should I have a word with his parents or not?

Answer 1

It really depends on the kids age and what they said if I tell the parents first or just chew the kid out.

Young kids I tell them clean up thier mouth/attitude first and then talk to thier parents if that doesn't help.

Teenagers I talk to them directly and see if they will straighten up. If they won't,  I don't talk to parents, I just make them leave for a certain amout of time. The time depends on how bad the disrespect is weather it is just for the day, a week, a month or permanantly.

I think by the time they are teenagers if they are showing no respect their parents won't be much help, the kid is probably disrespecting the parents too so why embarrass them.

I only call parents of teens if I think the kid is endangring themselves or others in some way.

I won't waste my energy arging with a rude kid, especially an older one, it is about as effective as a f**t in the wind.

Answer 2

Tell that child that you will not tolerate disrespectful, degrading treatment any longer and if he doesn't like it he can go home.

You could then call the parents and explain that you will not tolerate his behavior any longer.

Answer 3

Deal directly with the kid, if he is old enough to understand.  Either way parents never believe their child can be rude and disrespectul.

If you do tell the little S**t off, I am sure he won't tell his parents, do you?

Next time he comes to your home, before he enters tell him he is only welcome if he can keep his mouth shut.  If he can't or doesn't, then he is not welcome in your home until he learns to respect you.

Answer 4

I would have a word with the parents and the child. We have to start putting our feet down on this disrespect thing. I have 4 girls and I will not tolerate or allow them to disrespect anyone. I will call them or their friends on it as soon as possible. Its never stopped the overflow of kids coming in and out of my home after school. The kids may end up respecting you more than their parents.

Answer 5

I've been in this position - I have 4 children and have had hundreds of their friends through the house over the years. I have absolute rules about behavior - not just for my own children, but for anyone in my home. This includes language, manners, attitude, physical violence etc...

You're attitude will set the tone. If you make it clear right from the start that this child's language, behavior etc... is unacceptable then it should stop. Children are supposed to push boundaries, their supposed to be looking for the limits. It's up to us as parents to set those limits - clearly, and then stick to them.

This can be done with good humor and grace - remember, you're setting an example! If foul language is used, you can just say something like, "Whoa! G-rate that please!" Deliver it with a smile, but say it like you mean it - kids aren't stupid - he'll understand. give him a fair chance to improve his behavior - if it doesn't work then you have to ask him to stop coming around because ultimately - its your own child that you have to worry about and people like that teach your children bad behavior.

Answer 6

I would.  Too many children now a days are not learning societal skills, such as manners.  Do you really want your son picking up on this poor behavior.  First it's moms then it's their girlfriends.  When there is no respect for women that can lead to abuse.  Nip it in the butt while he's still young.  If your son loses the friend he's better off.

Answer 7

I think it's really immature of you to consider "telling off" a child. If you don't like him then don't allow him in your home and tell him it's because of his behavior but don't tell him off. My god, who is the adult here?

Answer 8

It happens.  I don't tell them off but I dont put up with it either.  I say something along the lines of, "We don't act like that here."  If it continues I say, "If you want to be invited over here again, it ends." An expression and tone can speak volumes and (so far) that's as far as it's ever gone in our family.  Gina (6) looked at a kid once and said "She means that you know," lol.  I sent a kid home before.  I'm pretty calm about it, the message is still the same.  I've never had to tell a kid off.  I do enough yelling with four kids.  I'm not looking for more.

Answer 9

You could do as Reality suggests or simply ask him what would make him say a thing like that and then ask if talks to his mother that way.  I'd press him on it and then ponder out loud if she knows the things he says to you.  

But I have to admit I do like Reality's advice.  It would knock the kid down a few notches and it sounds like that's just what he needs.  

Answer 10

You don't need to tell him off, but you can tell him to stop the behavior he is doing

Answer 11

Your house, your rules.  No child has the right to speak that way to ANY adult.  You may find that once you put your foot down, he will gain respect for you and you will probably be a role model for him.  However, don't yell or swear or stoop to his level.  Simply tell him, "I will not tolerate that kind of language in my house.  It's degrading because ____ and is not acceptable in this house or around any member of this family.  If you choose to continue using this type of language, you can go home."

You may not be able to choose your kids' friends, but you can certainly let your children know what types of behavior are allowable in your house and why some are not.

Good luck to you.

Answer 12

you can show your rage to your kid's friends in a polite way.

Act as if you are a psycho in a decent way.

Create fear in your kid's friends heart and make them feel as if their days are numbered and they are doomed to get some a-s-s kicked if they try to mess with you and thgat's the bottom line coz Stone cold said so.

Answer 13

Why should you be more concerned of the child's parents being offended than being offended yourself? You have your own human rights. If the child is rude to you you have the right to tell him off just the same way you would tell anyone else off who offended you.

It takes a village, dear

Answer 14

tell them off and stop your kids hanging with them whats wrong with you if a kid does wrong They get told off end of story

Answer 15

Here's the thing- when its your house or you are taking care of the children, it is by YOUR rules. Don't worry about being so PC, if a child is doing something that is unacceptable, you can freely tell him so. No reason to totally tell him off, just tell him that if he does not start behaving properly, he will no longer be welcome around you and you will be calling his parents to pick him up.

Answer 16

I would never hesitate to tell a child they were being rude and that their disrespect will not be tolerated. If a child behaves as such, either his parents allow him to do this to them or they are disrespectful themselves. In that case, the child has to learn from someone that this behavior is wrong.

I would also not allow this child in my home if the behavior continued and I certainly would not allow my child to go to their home.

Answer 17

speaking to his parents first is obviously the best way to approach things, if things don't improve i see nothing wrong with letting the friend know the comments he is make are not appropriate... depending on his age (if he like a teen or close) you may even tell him that you won't allow him around you or your child until his behavior improves

Answer 18

You could be catty in a way where it doesn't get back to the parents. Example, insult him when you get the chance in a semi-playful way, but in a way that erodes his confidence. If he calls you a name, say, "We all can't be as smart and good-looking as you, Daniel," with a slight laugh at the end. Then if you want to further cite examples of his failures, perhaps in school or with sports and girls, in a cheery way, go for it.

In other words, be English ... j/k (see what I mean?)

Answer 19

Don't tell him "off".  Just tell him that what he is saying is completely inappropriate and disrespectful.  I don't think that is telling someone off.  Ignorning it is just letting him know that it is ok to say, when obviously you think otherwise.  Say something, and he might get the point.

Answer 20

You don't have to "tell him off" and I wouldn't tell the parents first. Next time he does it, you go up to him, get down at his eye level, and very seriously say "That is disrespectful behavior. We don't treat others that way in this house. If you want to continue to come over, you will speak to me respectfully. Now I'd like an apology." You have to tell him what's wrong with his actions or he won't know. Be firm but not mean. If he won't apologize you can call the parents to take him home (they'll probably get mad if you give him a time out." Either way, tell the parents what happened when you pick him up. Don't apologize, just explain what he did and what you said. If they're worth their salt, they'll be on your side.

Answer 21

Don't have a word with his parents.  He's more than likely the way he is because of his parents parenting skill.  And you do not tell kids off--you set them straight in a ONE WAY conversation and don't forget to demand an apology.  Oh, if your son hasn't put a stop to it, you have a much bigger problem than the so-called friend.  This punk has made a fool of you in front of your son--you have become a joke and he, your son, and their friends probably have a good laugh on you.  Put an end to it NOW, or next week the kid will be patting you on the a** and calling you his ho, or bytch.  You need to say nothing to his parents until AFTER you knock the pins out from under their little bast***, because to do so would appear to the kid like you were telling mommy on him--you know, third grade stuff like when he picked on the girls--it makes you weaker than you already appear.  Don't waste your time with mettings with the kid and his parents, because he'll claim you misunderstood him, he didn't do it, etc.  Just grab him by the nuts and rip.  Be THE ADULT AUTHORITY figure in the eyes of this punk and your son.  Don't apoligize and never let kids think they are your equal, because they are not.

Answer 22

i would tell him straight out when you are in my house or with me you will respect me .they child has to learn ,

and then i would also have a nice chat with mom and dad and let them know what is going on because he could just be exploring his range ,