Would you get mad? or would you understand?

Question

I am going on a wedding and I'm part of the entourage. My problem is this, my dress has been provided by the couple since i have a part in the wedding. from the beginning i didn't like the top and the skirt or even the cloth they're using and the cut of the gown and since the beginning i've expressed to them that since i'm not that fond of the dress that it's okay if they remove me from my part so i can freely wear what i want... but the bride doesn't want to... anyway, the top i can wear since three of us will be wearing the same dresses but i had a new skirt made, different cut unnoticeable shade difference... i plan to wear it on the day of the wedding without her knowing but her parents know and understand why.... if you were the bride would you understand?

Answer 1

I can't even believe you're asking this.

I'm going to give you  the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're young and just don't know social etiquette when it comes to these things.

FYI, this is a HUGE social faux pas. You should also know that usually BMs and MOH's have to buy the ugly dresses themselves, so the fact that you're getting upset about a dress you didn't even pay for is extrememly petty. While I wish more brides would pick bette routfits for their MOH and BM's, it's up to them because they're planning the entire look and theme of the day, and everything is carefully selected to balance out. You would RUIN her photos and possibly her day. I know for someone young (when you think it's all about you) will have a hard time understanding that, but you need to grow up and realize that sometimes, you gotta do things you don't wanna do.

Suck it up, wear the dress SHE picked out and paid for, and bask in the glory of it's ugliness all day. You'll laugh about it later. But if you show up wearing something different, everyone at that wedding will be pissed at you. Not just the bride.

EDIT: No one can force you to do anything. If they thought you were serious, they would have been fine with it. No bride or groom wants someone in their wedding party that doesn't want to be there.

My advice still stands.

2ND EDIT: Regardless of who  thinks it's ugly, it's still the dress she has chosen, and it's her fault if she regrets it later. Again, no one can force you to be in the wedding party, If you were dead set against it, you could have just ignored her. Don't make things worse than they already are. Just do as she asks at this point and leave it at that.

Answer 2

No. It's her wedding. Since she and the groom are spending all that money in wedding planning and preparations, what you want probably doesn't matter. Besides, she spent money on your dress? If I were her and you wore something different, I would be super angry.

Seriously, if you don't want to wear what she wants you to wear, don't be part of it. But don't go changing things just because you don't like it. That simply isn't your call to make.  

Answer 3

Yeah, I'd be upset.  REALLY upset.  Especially if I'd paid for the dress for you to wear.

This is the bride's day, not yours.  If you didn't want to wear what she asked you to wear, you should have declined the invitation to be in the wedding.

Basically, this is the bride's dream...guess what you're turning it into?

Answer 4

STOP being so selfish and thinking of only yourself.This is her day and one of the most important days of her life & she wants you to be a part of it.So yeh,i think most anybody would be very mad.

Answer 5

NO.  I would be furious.  You will look out of place, you will look like an arrogant fool, and most of all, you are basically telling the bride that her choices for her own wedding aren't good enough for you.  It makes you sound like a whiny brat.  If you didn't like the dress to that extreme, you should have backed out of the wedding.

Answer 6

I think that if you are her best friend you would wear the dress! Its just one day out of your life, deal with it!

Answer 7

If I was the bride I would be pissed! It is not up to you to decide what you are wearing or to even like what you are wearing.

Stop being so selfish and start realizing that this person's Wedding day has NOTHING to do with you! You were asked to participate and you need to do what is asked of you, even if it means wearing something you don't like.

Part of being an adult after all is doing things you don't like to do!

Answer 8

I think youre being a little selfish. Its their wedding, its all about what they want, not about you. You have to wear the dress she gave you, if you dont like it, tough! Why dont you just think of them instead of yourself? One day you can have your own wedding and make it all about you and let people wear what they want, but for this once do it her way!

Answer 9

Um, I would let the bride now, so I don't seem rude. Because that IS sort of rude.

Answer 10

ok...let me get this straight.  you were invited to a wedding as part of the actual wedding, you were provided  with a dress, and you are essentially refusing to wear it?  sweetheart, i don't know where you're from, but earth certainly isn't it.  do you have any idea how glad US wedding party participants would be if they were provided a dress?  most are told...this is what you're wearing, now go pay for it.  i know it's ugly, but that's what i want.  you're going to quit your friend's wedding because you don't like the dress...that she's paying for?  what's wrong with you?  if you don't tell her, i don't think any of the guests are going to want to be around the bride when she figures out that you went behind her back and got a different dress...and i don't think you'll be friends for much longer after that.

Answer 11

Personally? I think you are being petty. When my cousin got married, I was on massive amounts of steroids and blew up like a balloon. All her friends that were also in the bridal party were tall and thin and here I was, short and blimp-like (5'2" and sored up to 165lbs). The dresses were slim cut and as much as I hated to be in that dress, looking the way I did, I wore it anyway. Just suck it up. It only one day. And the pictures? Well I just choose not to look at them.

Answer 12

I would be pretty mad if I had a bridesmaid surprise me with a new outfit after I had already asked her to wear what I had chosen. That is very rude.I know that the bride should listen to your suggestions, but that doesn't mean its OK to go behind her back! Its just one day and everyone will be looking at her anyways, just wear the one she asked you to. It really isn't worth it to make her angry on her wedding day, your relationship may never recover, so so much because of the dress but because you ignored her and went behind her back.

Oh, and just so you know, I hate the "its her day and she gets whatever she wants" mentality when it turns into an excuse for being mean. This is not her being mean though, I think she is perfectly reasonable to pay for the dress and then pick the one she wants. Some people here can get a little mean when people question the brides choices, but really you are the only one being unreasonable here.

ADDITION: You are not "forced" to do anything. You could have left on your own, you do not need them to let you go if its that much of an issue. Asking them if they want you to leave is not the same as saying you don't want to do it if you can't wear what you want.

Do what you want, just be prepared to royally p**s your friend off and seem like an unreasonable and selfish person, because that is what you seem to be to me.

Answer 13

You're not going to like my opinion, but since you asked... The day is all about the bride - not you. She has spent countless hours dreaming of the way her wedding will be and you have no right to manipulate that. If she wants you to wear a potato sack, suck it up and do it, or bow out completely. But don't wear something other than than what the bride has asked and definitely don't complain about it!

I would be livid.

Answer 14

No I wouldnt and I wouldnt let you be in the wedding that day either! If you didnt like the dress to begin with you should have told them that you couldnt be in it, but they are paying for the dress so why should you care, its their day and thats what they wanted you to wear.  

Answer 15

Absolutely NOT!  If you are dead set against wearing what they wish you to wear then stop hinting and be blunt.  I'm sorry, but I will not be able to participate in the wedding due to being uncomfortable with the attire you have chosen.  It is up to them what you wear if you are in the wedding and for you to go behind their back and do something different is unforgivable.

Answer 16

It sounds like you already made your decision.  Just be prepared for the aftermath.  This will be a pretty big deal to the bride.  I

'd suggest you should step down and flat out tell them you can't be in the wedding.  Period.  Better than hurting people.

Answer 17

it's not really your decision you shouldn't be part of the wedding if you don't want to wear what she wants you to wear on HER day

Answer 18

Generally a bride never understands!  They get a bit wrapped up in "the day".  You may go unnoticed or if she says anything tell her you had it cleaned and it changed the shape/color a bit.  

Answer 19

No. It's not your wedding. That is totally rude and you are going to cause unnecessary drama and stress that day.

Answer 20

wow. you sound really stubborn.

its her wedding day.

don't ruin it just because you don't like a freaking dress.

that is really rude. i totally would not understand.

that is really bitchy of you.

its her choice. you sound like a frikkin brat.

in a way your telling her you dont care what she thinks

Answer 21

Are you really her best friend? Or are you more worried about if your butt might look big in the skirt? I'm sure your butt is tiny and I do sympathize with you. It is a drag to wear something that you feel is not flattering or is not comfortable. But you are not the first person to suffer through an afternoon wearing a hideous bridesmaids dress. I suggest you wear the dress your friend picked up and let it go...let it go...let it go.

Answer 22

well it is her wedding day and hes under stress and wans everything to be perfect cuz itllo only happen once hopefully

Answer 23

The wedding is all about the bride and groom and what they want on their special day, not what the bridal party wants or likes. It is hard sometimes, but if the tables were turned, and it what YOUR wedding day, wouldn't you want all to run smoothly? It is not worth ruining the brides special day.  

Answer 24

If I were the bride I would be very mad, you only have to wear for a few hours, you can't just deal with it for a few hours for your good friends special day? Just wear what she chose for you and get over it, its only a few hours then you never have to look at it ever again.

Answer 25

what are you?? a troublemaker?? suck it up and wear the d**n dress.!!! no one cares if it looks good on you or flatters you.. this isnt about you! if you're really her best friend as you claim then you'll do it just to make her happy. and unless your new design is EXACLTY like her design then you will look out of place.. you dont think that you have to stand next to the other girls wearing the dress the bride picked out???  

Answer 26

No, I wouldn't. It isn't your choice if you are in the party. It is also highly unusual for the bride to pay for maid of honor gowns. Why not just suck it up? If you felt that strongly about it you should have backed out a long time ago. Your behavior is childish.  

Answer 27

You must have low self-esteem or really dont like your body, or this dress would not be a deal-breaker for you being in the wedding. Most people just wear it even if its not flattering and they dont like it-- and they usually pay for it too.

I am an understanding person, but I have little patience for people with low self-esteem and whine and complain about every little thing instead of working on the problem from inside themselves.

The problem is not the dress; its you. You should not have changed the dress.

Answer 28

I say show her the skirt you made. Tell her you feel more comfortable in it and ask her if it would be alright if you wore that instead. If she says its okay for you to wear it then go right ahead, if she says she would rather have you wear the original skirt, then you need to suck it up and wear it. Remember, what goes around comes around, if she is ever in your wedding she can do this to you.

Answer 29

It's her wedding you should do what she wants. This isn't your day it's hers, so wear what she told you to wear.  

Answer 30

i would be upset because its the brides day not yours and you have the honor of being in her wedding. you only have to wear the dress a few hours im sure you could deal with that....a bride wants HER day to be perfect how would you feel

Answer 31

Wait, you already had a new skirt made? You have some nerve. If her parents are fine, then I guess you're ok with them. The bride may not even notice on her day because she'll be so caught up in other details. But if you don't think that her parents will rat you out as soon as the wedding is over, you have another think coming. You seriously couldn't just suck it up for the one day that you'd have to wear a dress you didn't like.

I'm sorry that they wasted their hard-earned cash on a 'friend' like you.