Would you get upset with your husband if he did this?

Question

Now I'm going to preface this by saying that my therapist has called my husband emotionally abusive, so I've kind of on guard about things.

Anyhow, last night, I was in the shower and my husband got in with me with the sole purpose of also taking a shower (it was his normal shower time and I was "interfering" with it). I was shaving my legs without shaving cream, which I generally do because it doesn't really seem to affect my legs (though I should probably use shaving cream...just don't have any in the house and keep forgetting to buy it). My husband remarked, for the millionth time, that I needed to use shaving cream. Then he proceeded to feel my leg and tell me what spots I had missed. Then, he kept saying over and over that shaving cream would help me with this and that. It was MEGA annoying to me and I told him that he was being too critical. He got very upset with me for "generalizing" his behavior. He thought I should've said something about the specific behavior instead. My husband has criticized me a lot in the past. Other things include not brushing my teeth enough, not washing well enough (if he thinks I smell somewhere or if I have a UTI), among other things. I have decent personal hygiene, even if it's not the absolute best that I could have. I don't say anything usually when he's committed some personal hygiene faux pas. Do I have a right to get upset about these things or is he just being "helpful" as he says?

Answer 1

I'm sorry but is he your husband or your father? I'd tell my husband to kiss my *** if he wants to "teach me" how to brush my teeth a certain way or for shaving my legs a certain way. Please! I'll do it how I d**n well please....

I'm sorry, but he's just trying to control yet another thing in your life. (My opinion) My father was the type of guy who wanted things done a certain way. I refuse now, as an adult, to do ANYTHING he wanted us to do as kids.

It sounds childish, but I don't care. I had "restrictions" on what I could and could not do as a teen and his rules were completely out of line. So being that you're an adult, you need to tell your hubby, "thanks for the tips, but I'm perfectly capable...thanks!"

Nobody should have to live their life walking on eggshells and that definitely appears to be what's going on here with you...

Good luck to you....

Answer 2

Take his criticisms with a pinch of salt they are just put downs to lower yourself esteem. Try laughing at his comments rather than letting him see he upsets you. Tell him his breath smells a bit iffy or tell him you've had to soak his boxers in bleach to get the stains out ( in front of his mates) LOL

Answer 3

It's very unusual that he even cares, although my wife does get upset if she shaves her legs and I don't notice (we can be pretty blind sometimes lol).  But I'd never criticize how she chooses to do any activity around her hygiene.  Why would I assume that I know how to do that better than she would?  That seems rather disrespectful.

I would sit him down, tell him you want to talk and please wait until your finished to respond, then you will hear him out.

Tell him you were out of shaving cream, but was hoping that he's come join you in the shower for some hot lovemaking and this was why you were there.  But instead of making sweet love he decided to pick at how you do your personal hygiene.  So because of this he missed out on the hot love last night and because you are still upset at him being a controlling dumba*s he also missed out of the incredible bj you were going to give him today.

Then when his mouth is hanging open collecting flies you can ask if he has anything to say about what he missed out on because of how he acted.  LOL he should get the point.

Answer 4

Criticizing husbands are the best. I recently discovered that all that I have accomplished in my life (after I got married, I mean) was because of his criticism. I did a lot of things to make him believe that I am a good big girl. He doesn't want to believe and I don't care anymore

Answer 5

tell him you're not his puppet and to stop trying to controll ur life and everything you do.

and if he doesn't stop. do the same to him so he can realize how annoying it is. If he makes a mistake, rub it in his face.

and ya, i did that arguing in the shower thing before too. it's pretty awkward when ur stuck in such a small space together and can't get out. lol. good times

Answer 6

You should sit down with him and tell him how he used to behave before you were married. That is, before he was there to watch you brush your teeth or shower or shave.

You know, when he came to pick you up for a date when he was dead dog tired, but he couldn't wait to see you and it didn't matter how your hygiene was.

He's worried more about silliness now than the romance that he used to get you to become his bride.

You know, the cards, flowers, love letters, walks in the park, stargazing on a blanket in the middle of a field, The deep looks into your eyes, the "you look beautiful" and "I really love you" statements.

Tell him you miss that. If he would concentrate more on these aspects of your relationship the other stuff would fade into the background.

What happens is that you are unsure if you should tell him how you feel. NEVER I mean NEVER fail to tell him how you feel. That means, how you feel about him, how much you love him, how you like it in the bedroom or when he hurts your feelings.

Answer 7

He sounds like a control freak and what he is doing is out of habit and a very bad habit too. To stop this you need to tell him how it makes you feels. Have you ever asked him why he keeps commenting on your personal hygiene and why can’t he just mind his own business? If you don’t know the reason behind his comments then ask him. Then tell him that his behavior is annoying you, otherwise how will he know?

For all you know he might be having an anxiety disorder or is going through a lot of stress. I think you two should sit down and talk to each other. Find the problem that’s causing all this and resolve it. If you can’t then seek help.

Answer 8

I don't consider that sort of thing helpful. It runs along the lines of annoying and mind your own business, it's my d**n body. It would upset me if someone was constantly treating me like a child when it came to personal hygiene. Tell him to shut it and worry about his own hygiene.  

Answer 9

He probably believes he is being helpful, but he is belittlingto you.  He thinks he is smarted, better, cleaner, etc.  No one would ever live up to his standards, so don't allow him to affect your self image.  Keep with the counseling and decide if you can live this way.

Answer 10

He is very controlling, and you had a right to get upset. Hope the counseling will help things, if not, get away from him for good.  

Answer 11

sounds like he's a "clean freak" you'll probably never make him happy no matter what you do. if this is your only problem, you've got it made.

Answer 12

you have the right to be upset as you are perceiving his behavior as controlling and judgemental.  now, i dont really think that your huband is a bad person...this is just how he relates to people.  i'm betting that if you looked at his childhood, one of his parents treated him the same way that he treats you.  the fact that he is accusing you of having a UTI is way over the line of decency though.  i would never say that to my wife!  

i would tell your husband and say that you want some marital counseling.  he might not even know that he is doing the things that you say that he is doing...until he hears about it from a third neutral party.  sometimes, people need a fresh perspective to break the cycle.  what you might come to discover though is your husbands motivations for saying these things.  he might really just be saying these things out of your best interest.  i think that you both need to get on the same page, communication-wise

Answer 13

maybe you are upset with him, and just nitpicking or overanalyzing what he is saying to you.

or he just wants to be right..

sounds like you both need to sit down and figure out what the problem is before it escalates.

Answer 14

I've never even thought about inspecting my wife's leg-shaving, mostly because I don't care. I don't know why your husband would either, other than as another opportunity to control you.

Yes, he is psychologically abusive. He wants you to be on total "eggshells" around him, and completely control your life. Personal hygiene is a very "personal" thing. If he's going there, he has absolutely no respect for you. Then he gets "upset" with you for complaining?!?

If you truly love him, or have children, then he needs counseling. He should be at the therapist, not you. Otherwise, you should tell him to knock it off or you're outta there...

BTW, intruding on your shower is just anal. If he stepped in for something else, that might be different...

Answer 15

You should have grabbed him by the yang

and showed him who is boss!

Answer 16

I dont think I would get upset about it. He is probably just picky. I am like this with my fiance, love him to bits, but I am always getting on his back to wash his feet or shave or shower or something, simply because I am a really clean person and I like him to be clean so I don't freak out about touching him. My biggest fear at the moment is that he has cracked heels from his workboots and I can't stand for them to touch me (I hate the feeling of it plus I hate feet). Maybe your husband is just a bit of a freak like me : )  He does seem to know a lot about shaving legs though ; ) Maybe you should make fun of him about that!

Answer 17

If he has a regular shower time then you should have waited to have your shower so you could have avoided this.  Sounds like you two have a lot of issues if he is commenting on how you shave your legs.   Keep going to therapy because you two really need it by the sounds of it.

Answer 18

I would be upset.  I know my wife would be.  here is how it works in our house...

I often join my wife in the shower.  I buy the shaving cream.  I shave her legs for her and she usually masturbates while I do it and really gets off on this.  I use my tongue to check for any places I missed.  Of course this is just generalizing our behavior because usually I do this when she is in the tub, not the shower.  :)))

Tell him to get over his wierd hang ups and enjoy you more

Answer 19

I have a hard time thinking that he got in the shower with you, to just take a shower. I would have been all over you, like cold on ice. Sounds to me like he is a very critical person.

Answer 20

I would give him a taste of his own medicine and ask him after a while how he likes those cookies. As long as you shower every day, wash your hair, brush your teeth, and shave once a week...I'm sure he's not perfect. We're women, not models. What a loser! He must be doing these things because he's unhappy with HIMSELF and by picking out all the things that are imperfect about YOU he is taking his own mind off HIMSELF. Loser. I would either ignore him for a couple days and when he's had enough tell him he hasn't been making you very happy lately, or start doing the same to him (which might be childish, though).

My guy is similar. He's depressed and has a low self-esteem and so he is constantly finding things b$%&h at me about.

Answer 21

You're married to someone who purposely looks for an argument. Forget the shaving and the hygiene...no...don't forget the hygiene but it wouldn't matter. If it wasn't this it would be the way you dress, your cooking, the way you set the table, the way you fold the clothes.....am I close? Does this sound like him?

Miserable people need to make others around them miserable as well. It adds a certain power to them knowing they can affect others around them with their anti-social behavior. I know...I married someone like that. So yeah...you have a right to be annoyed. In fact, unless you're a downright slob I'd be insulted that you question my hygiene. That's one thing I never took any grief over because I'm impeccable when it comes to that anyway. But he isn't being helpful, he's being overly critical.

And in the future if you haven't any shaving cream, use bath soap. It works in a pinch and if its bath soap with lanolin it's no different than shaving soap.

Nice legs by the way...so smooth.

Answer 22

Just start noticing little things that he does wrong and see how he likes it. I am pretty sure he is not perfect. His intentions may be good but his delivery of it is bad. So maybe a little of his own medicine will  help this.  

Answer 23

You have a 100% right of getting on the defensive. I am sure there are a lot of things in which he does that you don't agree with but I don't hear about you jumping down his throat.

It appears to me that he is trying to play the Alpha Male role to an extent. Last time I checked, you had the ability to make your own decisions. Your in a marriage not a dictatorship!

Good Luck