Would you give your baby up for adoption?

Question

what i really meant is...is it hard to give it up

Answer 1

I did.

Just before I graduated high school, i got pregnant. I was 18. I was working at McDonalds and lived with my mother. I did not have a car of my own.

I was not going to make my baby pay for my mistake. I wanted my child to have the best opportunities, and that wasn't going to happen if he stayed with me, cuz I had nothing but a measly McD's income.

My mother also told me she wasn't going to raise it, that she was finished raising children, and that I'd have to find my own place to live and my own transportation if I thought I was grown enough to raise a child.

I did not want to raise a child on welfare. That does not provide the best opportunities. Not saying miracles don't happen, but my baby was not a gambling chip. He deserved two parents, a stable home, good health care, a chance at a college education - all things that a two parent household could provide quicker than I could.

I loved my child. Loved him enough to give him the best opportunites out there.

Found out he is currently in college, and kicking butt!! He is happy right now and satisfied. (if anyones' curious, no he has not contacted me. But a letter was sent to me by his adoptive parents letting me know he's becoming a wonderful man)

Answer 2

NEVER.

I've lived the pain of being separated from my family for 38 years - I would never do it to my own child.

If something were to happen that I really couldn't parent my children - I would make sure family members would take good care of them - and I would insist on guardianship - not adoption.

Adoption wipes out the life they have already lived - where they have come from - who they are related to - who has the same genetic links.

There is no way I'd send them to complete strangers.

How many people do you know that have wills written saying that on their death - their remaining children should be sent away for adoption with complete strangers.

Forget any talk of selfless - etc.

It's selfish.

It's emotional havoc for both mother and child.

Most that write that it's a 'loving choice' - are either prospective adoptive parents - or they have NO clue what they're talking about.

I've lived it - and it's just my honest opinion.

Answer 3

If I could not provide my child with the best possible life then yes I would place the child for adoption I am not ashamed of that. I would provided the adopted parent(s) with any medical information I had on myself, anything else I felt the child and they needed.

By best possible life I don’t mean to indicate wealthy, not even 2parent home. I’m not about to keep my child if I can barely afford to provide for either of us, if we have to live in homeless shack or on the streets.  If I  could barely afford to put food in my child’s stomach, if I couldn’t even afford clothing for my child. Again I’m not talking like the gap or some other high price clothing. I'd have no shame in shopping for my child at  walmart/target.  

I’m sure it would be hard to do however being a parent is about placing your baby first isn’t it? If I could only provide a lackluster life for my child I wouldn’t feel right.  I would want them to have more then that, I am lucky my birthmother wanted me to have that as well. I could not be any different with my own child.  Of course I hope to never get into that position.

Answer 4

No

Isnt this a bit of a silly question ?

Who exactly is going to say YES on here ?

And why are you asking ? is it a general question for nosey factor ? or because you are looking to adopt ?

Because if its the latter I'd pack your bags and move on now

ETA are you pregnant ?

Answer 5

Personally I wouldnt.  No matter how difficult life maybe to  raise a child with practically nothing, it  would haunt me too much and I don't think I could live the rest of my life being an emotional mess, because that is what would happen to me, if I did give away my child.

I think it's about time pregnant young girls are encouraged to think that adoption is not their first or only option and infertile couples need to stop thinking that these young girls are the solution to their problems. Time to change that mindset.

Answer 6

Adoption is a very difficult decision to make.  However, it is the *compassionate* one to make, especially if you're faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

I don't doubt it's hard, but that child should be your first priority.  If you CANNOT support the child financially, emotionally, or if you worry your child will negatively impact your lifestyle, then the right thing to do is put the child up for adoption.

There are *many* families out there who cannot have children who are looking to adopt, and you give them the ultimate gift.

Answer 7

Wow.  That's pretty funny that everyone's getting thumbs down because they wouldn't give some stranger their flesh and blood.  Fascinating.

I will most likely never have a child from my own body.  But if I did, no, I would never be able to give up my child.  Knowing me (as emotional as I am), I would feel an intense attachment to my child the second I knew I was pregnant.

My best friend is having miscarriage issues right now.  She just had her third miscarriage.  This is absolutely devastating for her.  She lost a child who never even grew ARMS.  I would feel the same way.  No way in h**l would I be able to see a full-grown child that came from my body, and say, "oh, you want him/her?  Go ahead, s/he's yours."  No way.

Answer 8

No, I could never give up the child I have carried for 9 months, I'm just not that good of a person.

It would be the hardest thing in the world to give your own child, and can also be one of the most selfless things that a woman can do.

But no, I could never do it.

Answer 9

Not just NO h**l NO..i would die before i gave her up.I was adopted ....If you cant keep your kids..keep your legs closed...

Answer 10

Not in my present situation, I would not.  But 10 years ago, I may have because it would have been better for the child

Answer 11

I guess only people who have been in a situation like yours can tell you, and even then, you are different, and it is only you who can decide what to do...  just ask yourself...who can give that baby a better life i guess.. ( and i dint mean economically, i mean love, and understanding family, strength, etc). I hope you take the decision that is best for your baby and makes you feel better.

Answer 12

i would if it were in the childs best interest. i see a lot of people say they wouldn't and i think that's selfish to keep a baby you can't provide for just for yourself. think about the baby.

Answer 13

No.  Never.  Not under any circumstances.

Answer 14

If i felt that i could not look after my child and they would be better off with someone else yes i would, to me that is real love and real self sacrifice, knowing they are better off with someone else. No way would it be easy, it would be horrible but thats what love will do to u.

Answer 15

at this point in my life i would have to say no, i wouldn't. now if i was younger i don't know, i was never in that position. I want to say no, because i'm adopted, but i don't know. I can't judge others who have done so.

Answer 16

Not at this stage in my life, but I am not sure what I would have done when I was younger. I am adopted, and have had a wonderful experience in adoption, so I don't see it as the terrible thing many people do. However, I think, had I found myself in an unplanned pregnancy, my mom would have adopted the child, if that was what I wanted.

Answer 17

It would definitley depend on the situation. In my situation I am the adopted child my father did not have a choice becuase after my mother died he was unable to take care of 7 kids from ages 7months-10years. This was in Russia and he was forced to give up 6 of us and he got to keep one. I am extrememly thankful that I was adopted. As far as if it's hard I would imagine it depends on your situation. I mean to some degree I think there is always going to be a feeling of loss. Umm if you chose to have an open adoption then u can still see the baby and that can end up being good.

Answer 18

No.

I am adopted, and I've hated every moment of it.  I'd never, ever, EVER do that to one of my children.  

Selfless?  Ha.  Selfless would be making sure you did everything in your power to never, ever have to separate your family.

Answer 19

No, never.

Answer 20

Nope. I did, many years ago, but I would never be that stupid again.

ETA

I'm loving all those downward thumbs too. Funny how as long as a woman is pregnant and thinking about giving away her child she is saintly and doing the right thing but the second she isn't delusional about how "happy" adoption has made her she is evil,evil, evil.

Answer 21

absolutely not under no circumstances would i ever give up my child. i don't care if i was raped or whatever. That's what God intended for me so I love them as if they were a planned child. Children are the greatest gifts ever!

Answer 22

no way i wouldnt be able to live with knowing my baby is out there somewhere and im not near it

Answer 23

i would sooner slit my throat.

Answer 24

It would have to be a pretty hard situation I was in. But if I felt it was best, I would. My children are my life, I want whats best for them always. Adoption is the right choice for some people. Many people on this board have had bad experiences as adoptee's or even Birthmoms so you will probably get some snotty answers but thats par for the course on Y!A. Please educate yourself on every angle and argument if you are thinking of placeing a child. It is not easy, its a life long hole in your life. There is also no need to make any adoption plans before your child is born. You can always give it a try and decide later. That way no one is presuring you.

Also, make sure it is your decision and don't listen to anyone that tells you "you CAN'T do it".