Would you have done the same in my position?

Question

I had 2 friends or at least i thought i did.

Friend A was my mate for 8 years till we fell out. As she was my mate i helped her out by loaning her £300 (3 years ago), she was having a hard time and i was in a position to help out. She promised she would pay me back when she got another job. She paid me small amounts back £5-£10 and made me feel guilty taking it cos she would say she had very little money for food etc (funny thing she always had money for cigarettes). Anyway we had a big argument last year, she called me a bad mother on my phone bill, so i hung up and refused to answer her calls and messages. She offered to repay me at £20 per week using Friend B to make the payments to me using cheques. I was not happy about this arrangement but i agreed as Friend B told me it would be the only way i would get my money back.

Friend B would hand me a cheque every time Friend A made a payment (not every week but at least i was getting my money).

Then in June 2007 payments stopped and i kept asking Friend B when i would get paid and he said i would get money when Friend A gets a job (i found out she was working all along).

In June 2008 Friend B told me Friend A had moved but she had asked him not to tell me where she was living. I begged Friend B for Friend A's new address but he refused.

I ended up writing to Friend B telling him i no longer wanted to stay friends with him after he refused to give me Friend A's new address. I told him not to contact me as her friendship was obviously more valuble to him than mine.

Did i do the right thing? Would anyone have done the same thing in my shoes?

Answer 1

No , you put this friend in the middle of both of your problems and Friend B was trying to be loyal to both of you. You should not have put Friend B on the spot by demanding the new address. If it would have been a reversed situation that friend would have done the same for you. I would count my loses and try to at least get one friend back.  

Answer 2

well i think you did the right thing, as it's not on, you really need to get friend a's address, try and get it from her mum or dad maybe or just some of her close friends, but if you think about it are you in desperate need for the money if not then let her be immature and run away, don't go running after her, if she was a true mate she would come back and give you the money, as for friend b just ask why he's protecting friend a so much and see what he has to say. hope everything works out x

Answer 3

Hi. I have been in similar siuations myself. I am of the opinion that friends are only friends for as long as it suits them, no matter how close you seem to be. A lot of the time it can take the tiniest most insignificant thing to break that friendship. I have a cousin who i was close to, but his problem was he was unbelieveably spoiled and he hated it when i got anything new, stating that it was "5hit!". We haven't spoken for over a year because of his attitude. You did the right thing, they weren't real friends.

Answer 4

you have dont the right thing

they probably never intened to pay you back

they will prob do it to someone else

you are right not to bother with these people

put it behind you and dont lend friends any more money without a contract

Answer 5

friend was just doing what they thought was right because they didn't want to betray the other person for the sake of some money. you should apologise, and o dont see why you are so mad at person a because they probably only said you were a bad mother because she was mad at you for pushing her for the money, or something.

Answer 6

Well I think that friend B probably didnt want to get between the 2 of you and still wanted to be friends with both of you.  But that was his problem, as you cant facilitiate Friend A and still stay neutral.  I think the biggest lesson you have learnt is NEVER lend friends money, they always say they will pay it back and they dont.  i Have had the same thing happen to me and never got my money back.

Anyway, I dont think they were much of friends to treat you like that, you are better off without them and the money to be honest, the less stress the better.

Answer 7

so what about your money owed, how do you get repaid if no contact with either and no idea where friend a is