Would you have done the same thing?

Question

My daughter called me at work on Friday to ask for permission to sleep over at a friends' house. Since she has done so previously, I had no problem saying yes. Well, after I got home, every minute and a half, these two girls were calling me ( they are 8) from the land line and the cell phone, laughing like crazy. At first, I was like, okay... whatever. After two hours, I was getting cranky, so I told my daughter if she called again I would come and get her. So, it happened again, and I told Ciana to get her things together because I was on my way over. I hopped in the car and drove straight over. When I got there, both girls were outside ALONE with NO coats on, sobbing hysterically standing by the stop sign, halfway down the block from the friends' house. ( this is Utah, at 9:30 pm, in the SNOW and freezing wind) There are no street lights on this street. I was LIVID. I went up to the house and knocked on the door. The father answered, ( there's more)

Answer 1

I didnt get to read the rest of the story - but by what i read so far - I would be livid also.  Where the heck were the parents while this was happening?  Part of me thinks an 8 year old should know better - concerning the phone calls AND walking down the street at night by themselves - BUT with no adult telling them otherwise, I can see how it would happen.  I would have talked with the friend's parent(s) and let them know how irresponsible they were and I would most likely not allow my daughter over to that friend's house again.  GOOD LUCK...

ok - after reading the rest of the story....

I think those girl's parents were EXTREMELY out of line to think their 8 year old could take care of an adult and scary that they found nothing wrong with what your daughter and the girl were up to and claimed they knew nothing about it.  If you are that distraught about it and are truly concerned about the girl and her siblings - maybe just make that phone call to your local Child & Family Services and they will gladly check out the situation with that family.  I think that you were in the wrong by not calling one of the parents and checking with them first about your daughter staying over - you cant always assume that they are aware of it.  Also, I would probably make an effort to get to know the parent's of any friend just to make sure you know who is going to be responsible for your child and their wellbeing.  But for the most part, I think you just had to much trust in people you didnt know.  Not all parents have common sense.

Answer 2

i agree he was wrong but if you were that concerned about your childs well being you would have confirmed with an adult about the whereabouts of your 8 year old daughter and not just given her the ok to spend the night without speaking to someone else first!

Answer 3

Gosh I see both sides of this story.

Lemme start with the bad.. (cause there's more..)

When you let your precious daughter stay anywhere, please, oh please, check the home out, meet the parents, talk to both of them, sit and have coffee for a while.. then after a few visits THEN if you feel comfortable with them and the house & it's surroundings.. let her sleep over.

If you would've done this -then you would've avoided the whole situation.

Okay, sweetie I'm still on your side on this... so keep reading.

I would call "child protective services" I'm not sure what you call it in your state but I think you get the idea.

Your daughter -was- in danger that night.. but guess what.. that poor 8 y/o is in danger every day/night.

It's not "butting in peoples business"  you could be saving a child.

It's a given that you'd be upset.

I would've called the police that minute -but I seem to over-exaggerate when it comes to my precious daugther..

you were not wrong for showing your emotions.. but don't let it stop there.. just cause Ciana isn't in danger anymore, doesn't mean her BFF isn't.  Do the right thing.  Write all this down, report it!!

PS

God let this happen for a reason.. it was his way of helping this poor little girl.. since neighbors or family wasn't doing anything to help.. he used your daughter as this little girls angel.

I know it sounds so "holy" and I'm not that religous but I do believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.. it's not just by accident.

Answer 4

Sounds like communication was not clear.  Maybe the parent didn't know anything about your child being there.  I would suggest talking with parents in advance next time.  That way you can also make it clear your expectations:  In the house-not outside...make sure there is supervision...etc.  We can't always trust our children's words.  They are children and will try to "cross the line" if they are given chance to.  

As for the other family...if you feel it is an unsafe enviornment for them, contact Family Services or whatever.

Answer 5

Yes I expect my daughter to have supervison at other people homes.  This 8 year old shouldn't be the care giver to her epileptic father.  Someone should call social services.  If the family needs help they can give it to them.

But were is your responsibility as well,  how could you let your daughter go over to someone elses house and not bother to call an adult first.  Exspecially since she is only 8.  AND from the way you described the story you didn't even know the parents.  Shame on you.

Answer 6

no you werent wrong to be upset but next time just talk to the parents and get a little more info on the family

Answer 7

I not only would have went crazy and flipped out on this moron of a father, after I had found out that the 8 year old is the primary care giver when the mom is at work, I'd have called CPS or whatever governing law enforcement has jurisdiction over this sort of thing and have them investigated!  But seriously, as a mom, you should have known this kid's situation before allowing your daughter to sleep over there.  Hindsight is always 20/20 but from now on, check out the family before allowing your kid to be in their care for the night next time.

Answer 8

I don't blame you for being upset.  However, I insist on speaking to the parents before I allow my 8 year old son to show up for a sleepover.  But, that being said, there should be supervision, and if the mom isn't going to be home, then friends should not be allowed over.  I don't think that whole situation sounds appropriate in any way, shape, or form.  I wouldn't let my child go to that house again.  Maybe her friend could come to your house for a sleepover next time.

Answer 9

I think you should be upset with yourself for allowing your daughter to spend the night at a friends without checking with the friend's parents as to who would be home.  You always should check with the parents, they could have easily played the game where each child says they are spending the night with a friend and then done something else.

Answer 10

HELLO! Who the h**l are you to judge these parents when you sounds like your not a fit parent yourself. Have you watched the news lately? Anything can happen. You should have got out of your car and walked your daughter up to the house and made sure that the mother was home....its your fault!

Answer 11

No you were not out of line at all!  Yes, usually it is a good idea for you to talk to an adult before you let your kid go to someone else's home, but most parents have let that slide once or twice when it's a friend whose house they've been to a million times.  

As far as him being epileptic....many people have epilepsy and still care for themselves and their children.  Unless he is on the wrong meds or unmedicated at all he should be able to care for himself and his kids.  That is an excuse.  If he is not able to care for himself, in NO WAY is an 8 year old capable of caring for a grown man and three other children!  That is abhorrent to hear that she is responsible for a household at such a young age!  That mother is irresponsible for not finding someone to help her with her family.  A nurse for her husband and a sitter for her children.  She probably knows she was in the wrong but is going to stand her ground just to make a point.

I would definitely never let my child over to their house again and I would contact CYS or DYFS or whatever it us Utah has and get them inspected.

Answer 12

you werent out of line, and just because he has epilepsie.. (SP?) doesnt mean he can not do anything my mother has had kids and rasied kids with it. if i were you i would be calling child services to see if they can step in and do something.