Would you have lunch with him?

Question

My soon-to-be ex-husband told me that if I eat lunch with him, he will give me an uncontested divorce and a key to the house [that I own half of and have been locked out of].

He is mentally unstable and desperate to get my attention. I don't know if this is a trap or not, and I certainly don't want him to confuse me being civilized with me wanting him back (as he has done before).

I don't want him at all, but just last week he told me that he wants me back. I just want the divorce to run smoothly, since there are no children involved and the only thing we own together is a house [that I hate and want my share bought back by him.]

Would you go eat with him?

Answer 1

Nope... just let your lawyer take care of everything.  Unless you did something really nasty during the marriage; otherwise, stay away from him.

Answer 2

It is not advisable now to go alone when you need a divorce, better keep distance

Answer 3

He is desperate and crazy.  He is now facing the fact that he can't fix it with an "i'm sorry" anymore.  He hasn't been violent......yet.  That is because he had control.  He no longer has control.  What would a crazy person do to get it back?  I have been there personally.  Sexual, mental, and physical abuse were just the start of what happened when I tried to leave my ex.  I never thought that he was capable of that.  If you decide to go, have someone waiting for you outside.  He may feel like he has lost control of his life, and has nothing else to lose by hurting or killing you.  Be careful.  This sounds fishy.  You can always replace personal belongings, but you can't replace a life.

Answer 4

I would, but make it clear before hand that this is strictly to work out the details of the divorce etc. Make it very clear to him that 'talking things out' is not what you will be there for.  

Answer 5

Not a chance... particularly since you say yourself that he is mentally unstable and desperate.  Please...do not go.  I think it would be a big mistake..... Think to yourself... Why is he blackmailing me to going to lunch with him, in hopes that I'll get the key to the house??  Hmmmm... I wouldn't play that game...........

Answer 6

Go with a tape recorder on you so you could use it in court maybe.  

Answer 7

if you are really sure that u wanna leave him, i think it will be fine for u to eat with him since u can't change your mind. just dont get influence by him and maybe you should bring a friend just in case.

Answer 8

Yes, just make it clear that it doesn't mean anything.  

Answer 9

Go to lunch, but be sure to dress as conservative as humanly possible. I'm talking school-librarian, old-maid, borderline-nun conservative.

edit: Make sure you go out to a public neutral setting where there are lots of people so he (hopefully) won't create a scene.

edit again: After reading the rest of your details, I would strongly suggest bringing your lawyer or at least someone who could overpopwer this nutjob. If you have to go alone, don't go.

Answer 10

Until the divorce is fianl...he legally cannot lock you out.  Know your rights and get a lawyer.  You still are entitled to half the assets.  Well I guess it depends on what state you live in and how long the marriage was.  Do not have lunch with him.  That will only confuse him more and possibly make him more angry at the situation.  You two are in a separate place when it comes to the emotional level...So I wouldn't mess with his head right now.

Answer 11

Ehhhh!!! I feel that if he has in the past attempted to take advantage of the situation of you trying to be civil, & him just using it as an opportunity to take advantage of you, then you should not go to lunch with him. It sounds like he would only do the same thing again.

Get a lawyer, & go about doing things that way.  

Answer 12

Yes, just cook your own food in case he tries to poison you!  

Answer 13

Mmh dont go en if you must have somebody with you yeah your lawyer is better

Answer 14

i would not go to meet this man alone, even if it is a public place.  all meetings should be with attorneys.  also, he is not legally able to lock you out of that house, as it is half yours and you are on the title.  your attorney needs to get involved with this, and possibly the police.  they will escort you to the house so that you can get your personal effects.  do not go there yourself if this man has a history of violence.  bad things could happen.  i would also consider a protective order against your ex if you worry for your safety...and from what you wrote, it sounds like you should.

Answer 15

Only if your lawyer goes with you.

Answer 16

I see only three reasons why he would try to bribe you like this.

One, he wants to harm you.

Two, he's just &*^%(@ with you.

Three, he thinks that if you go out with him, he'll be able to sweep you off your feet again and you won't want the divorce anymore.

I can't think of any other logical reason why he would try to bribe you like that.  

So, you have a few options, but many different outcomes.  

You could just flat out refuse and let your lawyers duke it out.

Or you can go.  If the first reason is true, then the best bet would be to meet him at a public place and bring someone with you...like your lawyer or a police officer friend.  But don't walk in together - let the ex assume you arrived alone.  But have your friend sit near you, ready to jump in if there is a problem.

If the second reason is true, then the lunch would just be a waste of time.

If the third reason is true, this is where there's multiple outcomes.  If he tries to woo you and fails, he may become very angry and then get violent or fight everything in the divorce just to "get back at you".

Or he may accept that he lost you and move on.  Or he may make you think twice about the divorce.

To me, with his mental illness, I'd assume he won't be able to win your back and he'd get angry that he couldn't.

So, in answer to your question, if I went, I would NOT go alone, and it would be a very public place.

Answer 17

If over two years that you were married (and how ever long you dated before the marriage) you couldn't have the heartfelt discussions that you needed to make the marriage work, what makes you think the two of you can have a civil conversation now? Don't go to lunch. If you need to retrieve the rest of your things from the house, the local authorities will be happy to assist you. Don't leave anything behind. Get everything that is yours and move out for good. Leaving things behind is a way to drag this out and send an already unstable man (in your words) very mixed signals. Good luck.

Answer 18

There's an old saying that goes - "If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

He's going to give you an uncontested divorce and a key to the house just for having lunch with him?? That sounds fishy and too good to be true. Hire a divorce lawyer, and discuss this with him/her.  

Answer 19

Based on what you wrote, sounds like you wouldn't go as you already said he is unstable...has confused things in the past...wants you back. You already said you want him to buy your half of the house, so you wouldn't be going for that key, so it has to only be for the divorce.

Now do you really think that after a lunch he is going to give you that divorce without any hassles? That depends on him. I doubt that is all he wants, but more likely it his last ditch attempt to either get you back, someway hurt you, or win your back.

So, since you have made up your mind (through what you wrote) I would take someone he doesn't know with you. Not to sit at the table with you, but to witness the events. Have a code word or gesture that signals there is a problem. Don't go anywhere with that ex (or soon to be ex). Go, talk with him and find out what it is about and maybe just maybe he will give you that divorce. Just don't flaunt a man in front of him as he just might go real crazy on you and do something you don't expect. That other person is only there to make sure thins are okay. Make sure where ever you go, it is in a public location with lots of people so there are witnesses if something happens, and that other person blends in well while watching you. Don't make it obvious.