Would you help me out with this one?

Question

Gaia Dies When We Deny Her

City structure rising in the backlit sky of unsettled peace

My heart is drifting in a tranquility of unease

When I turn my head to busily broken roads

I have found the reason for the pain of playground trees

A muddled smog grows in glistening calm

How strange that it should light a brilliant sky

The colors shifting, orange to green in shimmering display

by these clouds the health of Mother is waylaid

It is only by some unseen voice I hear

that the promise of a new life is whispered soft to me

When all those in their shinning domes

realize by their hands we are being smothered by waste

How sorrowful by that time for Earth may be too late

And on my rock I sit while speaking to the grass and ground

a lullaby of love for what they have so freely shown

coursing strong but gentle on my lips of peach

A sacrifice that I will take as thankful as I may

One last chance to hear the songs of Gaia and her choir

Answer 1

Indeed a horrible problem...which you have addressed nicely.

Well done.

Answer 2

Very powerful poem about the tragedy of the harm we do to Earth with our selfish ways and lack of love and respect.  I have only one suggestion about the flow.  I think the first line would be more graceful if you remove the word "structure" and just say "City rising in the backlit sky ...".  Your own special style of using a union of oppostites in your images works well here, especially in "unsettled peace" and "tranquility of unease".  But this is on the whole a different style for you and you have used it to its full advantage. I am very moved by this poem.  It struck a deep chord in my heart.   Thank you.

Answer 3

The tone is as turgid as the problem it depicts. This is Wagner, but I prefer Mozart. btw, it's "shining," only one 'n.'