Question:

Would you hold onto a friend from the past if she falsely accused you? (A long one)?

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I had an old friend from high school who I Ioved dearly. I noticed back in the day that she was much more erratic than anyone I had ever met, but I was her friend through thick and thin (even when I didn't agree with her and suffered her wrath- not pretty!). I came to find out during our senior year that she was severe bipolar schitzophrenic. I loved her all the same and tried my best to stand by her as she went on and off meds and was incredibly destructive at the time. She continued this way through college, where our friendship was on and off again, but we always managed to pick up where we left off. I even asked her to be the maid-of-honor in my wedding, which she almost wrecked (I won't even get into the wedding shower she called off for no reason at the last minute, where 40 ladies from out-of-town were left stranded wondering what to do. I worked it out and, again, looked past it.)

She moved to another city shortly after this and we spoke rather frequently over the phone. I worried for her, as she was with a guy who she claimed mistreated her a lot. All of the sudden one day, the calls stopped and we lost touch. Through the years, I looked her up to see how she was. I came to find out she alienated pretty much all of her family and friends. I still wanted to find her, though, and see how she was. Over ten years passed and I never found her, so I resolved that she went off to live her life elsewhere and start over.

Recently, I received a message on a high school website and it was her. I answered back and had not heard anything for about two months, figuring she was just being her. Then again, out-of-the-blue, she writes. Although this time, it was to accuse me of sleeping with her ex who ran off with another woman. She cited names and dates, to which I responded that I was on another coastline, and battling illness. Although I thought this was preposterous, I calmly responded to her that I was so sorry this happened to her having been cheated on once myself. However, she was very, VERY mistaken. And when I ran this by a current dear friend, she not only found this infuriating but wanted to "set her straight." I intervened so this wouldn't happen, probably still protecting my old friend, but I was deeply hurt. Yes, I know, I enabled her- a lot!

Even though I did not have to do it, I did provide her with names, dates, and events that proved I could not pick her ex out of a crowd of people much less do anything else. I also told her that I had a hard time accepting that anyone I loved, enough to be a part of my wedding, could believe I would do such a vile thing. Though she said she understood and wanted to rebuild our friendship, I could still sense her doubt.

When we last spoke, I told her I needed some time to decide if I wanted to invite a certain amount of turbulence back into my life and would call her when I was ready. I have a problem with someone accusing me of something I KNOW did not happen. I never even got an apology. Fine, I wouldn't hold my breath. But then, it angered her that I "based my decision to think things over on the past." I reminded her that she disappeared on me for ten + years, and I had less than two weeks to process all of this, which frustrates me.

Do you hold onto an old friend if her actions in recent times convey anything BUT friendship and love? I know she is sick but my life is good and whole, without drama. I feel for her, but it's HER choice to go on and off meds, while others suffer as a result.What would you do?

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  1. In my opinion, the best thing for you to do if you want to rebuild this friendship, is to start slowly and just do email and phone calls at first.  It will give you a better idea of where she is in her life and mental state, and for you to know exactly what your getting yourself into.  10 years is a long time for people to change.  Good Luck.


  2. as sad as it is,stay away.she dosent take her meds and schizophrenics do not get well.it is a lifelong illness that medication helps a little. you sound like she has had enough damage done by her.why are you inviting more problems.pray for her and stay away.do not answer her letters. you have a new life that she is just as capable of wrecking who do you love more-your family or her.pick yourself

  3. My grandma told me one time that you only have 1 or 2 TRUE friends in your whole life.  I believe that's true.  If you want the drama in your life then welcome her back in, if you don't let her go.  I have a friend who has a personality disorder and I try to help er out as much as I can, but she seems to cause problems in her life and is never happy with what she has.  Its very hard to be friends with someone like that who hurts you and isn't there for you.  I would back off even if you want to be friends, its a hard thing to do, but more healthy for you and your family.

  4. be friendly with her, but from a distance

    try not to let her get involved in your life, you don't need the drama, and it is not your responsibility to keep her happy

    if you want, go meet her for dinner occationally, and talk to her, or keep in touch in emails... but don't get too close

    if she pressures you to let her back close in your life, just explain to her the reasons you are afraid and can't do that

    if she can't understand and accept that, then forget her... pray for her and take care of your own life and family

  5. You need to explain this to her.

    If you have been with eachother thru thick and thin then why lose a good mate over this?

    (:

  6. Well you need to consider just how much of a friend she is if you really get along and have fun with her then off cause you should look past what she does but if she is constantly annoying and just horrible then maybe its time to find a new friend

  7. lmao! well she has problems so be friends with her but not bf. or just up to the point where she wont have to cause you any problems and make your life stressingly with no needed drama. understand that she accuses that because of her illness but no harm into it

  8. Tell her you still want to be her friend, but it will come with a price, she will need to stay on her medication. And if you feel she has not complied with your demands , that you could no longer be her friend because you have a family now and cant play her head games anymore!

    Good Luck, and I'm deeply sorry to hear about you friends condition!

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