I had an old friend from high school who I Ioved dearly. I noticed back in the day that she was much more erratic than anyone I had ever met, but I was her friend through thick and thin (even when I didn't agree with her and suffered her wrath- not pretty!). I came to find out during our senior year that she was severe bipolar schitzophrenic. I loved her all the same and tried my best to stand by her as she went on and off meds and was incredibly destructive at the time. She continued this way through college, where our friendship was on and off again, but we always managed to pick up where we left off. I even asked her to be the maid-of-honor in my wedding, which she almost wrecked (I won't even get into the wedding shower she called off for no reason at the last minute, where 40 ladies from out-of-town were left stranded wondering what to do. I worked it out and, again, looked past it.)
She moved to another city shortly after this and we spoke rather frequently over the phone. I worried for her, as she was with a guy who she claimed mistreated her a lot. All of the sudden one day, the calls stopped and we lost touch. Through the years, I looked her up to see how she was. I came to find out she alienated pretty much all of her family and friends. I still wanted to find her, though, and see how she was. Over ten years passed and I never found her, so I resolved that she went off to live her life elsewhere and start over.
Recently, I received a message on a high school website and it was her. I answered back and had not heard anything for about two months, figuring she was just being her. Then again, out-of-the-blue, she writes. Although this time, it was to accuse me of sleeping with her ex who ran off with another woman. She cited names and dates, to which I responded that I was on another coastline, and battling illness. Although I thought this was preposterous, I calmly responded to her that I was so sorry this happened to her having been cheated on once myself. However, she was very, VERY mistaken. And when I ran this by a current dear friend, she not only found this infuriating but wanted to "set her straight." I intervened so this wouldn't happen, probably still protecting my old friend, but I was deeply hurt. Yes, I know, I enabled her- a lot!
Even though I did not have to do it, I did provide her with names, dates, and events that proved I could not pick her ex out of a crowd of people much less do anything else. I also told her that I had a hard time accepting that anyone I loved, enough to be a part of my wedding, could believe I would do such a vile thing. Though she said she understood and wanted to rebuild our friendship, I could still sense her doubt.
When we last spoke, I told her I needed some time to decide if I wanted to invite a certain amount of turbulence back into my life and would call her when I was ready. I have a problem with someone accusing me of something I KNOW did not happen. I never even got an apology. Fine, I wouldn't hold my breath. But then, it angered her that I "based my decision to think things over on the past." I reminded her that she disappeared on me for ten + years, and I had less than two weeks to process all of this, which frustrates me.
Do you hold onto an old friend if her actions in recent times convey anything BUT friendship and love? I know she is sick but my life is good and whole, without drama. I feel for her, but it's HER choice to go on and off meds, while others suffer as a result.What would you do?
Tags: