Would you keep in touch with dead beat biological father for your child`s happiness?

Question

I am a single mother of a precious 10 months old baby boy. After 7+ years of relationship with baby`s father, we were evicted from our apartment and broke up at the same time when the baby was 4 months old. Not only he was not trying to hold onto A job, he was not trying to stop (or even slow down on) smoking weed even when he didn`t have money for living expenses. To me he was a dead beat. I had to buy & pay most of the things even after C-section. All he did was play station, be on computer, watch TV and smoke weed. Most of our relationship, he kept promising over and over that he would grow up and do what he is supposed to do as a man so that we can have a happy family. So I was coned. Right after our brake up, I left country with my son to live with my parents, he got with another girl who has 2 daughters. He got her pregnant right away and she is having his baby. He has written me emails asking for our son`s pictures acting like he`s done nothing wrong. I don`t see no point keeping in touch with him. Because what is the point for my son to keep in touch with his biological father if the father is not doing anything to support him financially & emotionally? And it is so disrespedtaful for my son that he had made another baby when my son was only 5 or 6 months old.

What he has done is so evil, I just don`t want to deal with a person like that. But some of my friends tells me I should keep in touch with him for my son`s happiness. I really don`t see that. Please let me know what you think. I would like to know how you would deal with this if you were in my shoes. Thanks.

Answer 1

I would wait a few years until your child specifically asks about his father on a consistant basis.  This will give you a few years before you have to make that decision and maybe during that time he will have grown up.  If your child does not want to be concerned with his father then you can keep going without his interference. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I would keep in touch now. If you wait until your son's grown up, there may be conflicts between you two, about why you never contacted his biological father until then. If he knows you have been talking with your husband, there may be less trauma between father and son in the future. You must keep your distance between you and your husband, but you should keep your son aware, even at a young age, that he has a father.  

Answer 3

Until your son starts asking questions about his biological dad, forget about your ex and move on with your life.  Tell your ex your decision and that when the time comes that his son wants to meet him, you will contact him.  Otherwise, you do not want to hear from him before then.

Good luck.

Answer 4

For the child's happiness, I'd only collect child support, and not keep in touch otherwise.

Answer 5

Please keep in touch with him. You're opinion on the baby's father is not something that you should impose on your baby. He will make his own opinions about his father in due time, but only he should make those opinions. This gives your child a choice, a choice that no matter what, he can never blame or hate you for.