Would you keep in touch with your ex-dead beat for your child?

Question

I am a single mother of a precious 10 months old baby boy. After 7+ years of relationship with baby`s father, we were evicted from our apartment and broke up at the same time when the baby was 4 months old. Not only he was not trying to hold onto A job, he was not trying to stop (or even slow down on) smoking weed even when he didn`t have money for living expenses. To me he was a dead beat. I had to buy & pay most of the things even after C-section. All he did was play station, be on computer, watch TV and smoke weed. Most of our relationship, he kept promising over and over that he would grow up and do what he is supposed to do as a man so that we can have a happy family. So I was coned. Right after our brake up, I left country with my son to live with my parents, he got with another girl who has 2 daughters. He got her pregnant right away and she is having his baby. He has written me emails asking for our son`s pictures acting like he`s done nothing wrong. I don`t see no point keeping in touch with him. Because what is the point for my son to keep in touch with his biological father if the father is not doing anything to support him financially & emotionally? And it is so disrespedtaful for my son that he had made another baby when my son was only 5 or 6 months old.

What he has done is so evil, I just don`t want to deal with a person like that. But some of my friends tells me I should keep in touch with him for my son`s happiness. I really don`t see that. Please let me know what you think. I would like to know how you would deal with this if you were in my shoes. Thanks.

Answer 1

Why bother keeping in touch . Your son doesnt know the difference anyway . My son was 2 months old when she left us just like yours a druggie , He is now 5 years old and and when he does see his mom its no big deal to him . I am his family , she is more or less just another person in this world to him .

My advise is to just forget the ex and go on with your and your sons life .  

Answer 2

I WAS IN YOUR SHOES.  My child is 28 now and better off without her deadbeat dad.  she is a college grad of 2 degrees and going for her masters. she is married- happily to a good man- and has a child of her own.   i did not have to deal with his input or influence.  i had great people in my life and support from family and friends-- god bless them all.  when your son asks about his dad, tell the truth-- as is age appropriate.  be cautious of the men you include in your life as your child should ALWAYS be your first consideration.  AS A SIDE NOTE--- he lived in the same town and never saw her, forgot her for a family reunion and never sent a christmas card.  it was not me who kept them apart, it was his deal, his responsibility and his shame.  NOT MINE.

Answer 3

I was a child whose mother cut off communication with my "dead beat" father.. and to tell you the truth, she did the best she could by us other than that.. but, it always has felt that part of me was missing.. even beyond my father, but his family too.. and when I got old enough to open those doors for myself.. too much time had gone by for it to be the kind of relationship it could have been if she had encouraged it, instead of hindered it.

When I divorced my ex, and realized he too was like my dad.. that it was easy for him to not stay involved.. I did everything I could to keep those lines open for her in the future.. perhaps he'll change, perhaps she'll get old enough to want it, or not.. but it will be her choice (and his).. their relationship or lack of one won't be because of me.  

It's your choice.. in the future, he will wonder what your role in his lack of relationship with his father was.. will you be able to tell him you did everything you could?

Answer 4

Good on you for getting yourself and your son away from that loser.  Get in touch with a lawyer and find out what your rights are in respect to visitation and financial support.  When he smartens up, he can see your son--but not before.

Answer 5

I know that you want honesty. I wouldn't let him near the child. At this point he, in MY eyes, would have to REALLY turn around..and not on my time..but on his own and be a success BEFORE he has the privilege again to be a part of something all so fine. he forfeited that right..and needs to grow up to step up. i am NOT a proponent of a child needing two parents anyway....not if one of them is toxic and doesn't pull their weight. If that is how he treats you in the past...what is the future looking like? This man is of NO use to your child unless he gets it together...sometimes it takes what seems like forever...be strong..you surely sound strong. His ethics are LOW on the metaphorical food chain...and YOU have done all of the work. Think about this...I in no way meant to disturb you or upset you with my reply....he doesn't have the same rights he had...let him become accountable & then give him ONLY supervised visits....stick to your plan and draw your boundaries.

People who say that it is for the child's sake should THINK of what example that is...NOTHING is missing if there is NOTHING there. The 'must have a daddy' thing is a crock. If your shoes do not fit...do you wear them anyway? The guy is...a heel.

Blue

Answer 6

You need to keep in touch for your son's sake. Your ex has disrespected you not his son.

Answer 7

I don't.  My daughters sperm donor decided that he wanted nothing to do with my child, so he made it easy to walk away.  Besides, I see nothing redeeming in his character based on his actions that make me want to have him in my daughters life.

I didn't allow him to not be financially responsible.  I am doing everything I can to make him pay.

Answer 8

Don't have anything to do with him ever.

Answer 9

well girl

It is not time to draw the line whom is right and whom is wrong. His fault of not responsibe and your fault of picking him. Young and foolish and often make wrong choice. Some time it is leading through out your life even though you have walk a way.

No you two have a child together. For better of the child you two should squallow your pide and think of the benifit of our child.

I don't like what my ex did to me, i will never forgive her but i still have to step forward to talk to her because of our boy. my boy have question me few time but i choose not to talk the diffences of his mother and I.

Answer 10

your question sounded like my past and I am a woman.  I have been drug free for 20 years and my 1st husband deprived my son and I contact after going into treatment and it was heartbreaking.  If he is attempting to change his life and living in sobriety please let him see your son.  If he is still in the same lifestyle that you describe you have every right to deny visits.