Would you let your child have a play date with this child?

Question

My daughter is 7 and in second grade. All year long she has been talking about this girl "Jessica" in her class, and she says she is her best friend. But she never asks for Jessica to come over, and Jessica never calls and invites her over, which is strange considering that they are "best friends" and my daughter is always asking for play dates with friends. So I finally meet this girl at school, and she seems like a nice, sweet child. I ask for her phone number, but she wont give it to me because she says her Mom wont let her give out her phone numbers to friends. So I send in a note with my daughter to give to Jessica, for Jessica's Mom asking for her phone number. I finally get the number and I call. The mother sounds as dumb as a rock, or spaced out on something. Then I meet the mother at a school function, and she has missing teeth, S****y clothes, and a tattoo on her lower back a/k/a - - a "tramp stamp". She has children by two different fathers..........

Answer 1

Don't punish the child for her mother's behaviour.  Perhaps your daughter is a good influence on this girl.

Answer 2

they dont have to go to each others house to be best friends.i used to have a lot of best friends,and i never really invited them over or the other way around.i think its ok to invite her over,but if you dont want your daughter to go to her house,then its not a big deal,ofcoarse you're her mother,you have every right to make those type of decisions.or you could just take the both of them to the park to play during the summer,if u worry about visiting each others houses.

Answer 3

is your name Jesus? who are you to judge this woman by just one meeting. and why would you refuse your daughter's friends just because she is less fortunate than you and your perfucked daughter why don't you at least give this girl a chance maybe this little girl has no other friends to play with and it sounds like she could use a good friend.

Answer 4

why would u take your daughters freindship away b/c of your judgement of the mother! i mean i do understand everything your saying but i will not let my daughter go to jessica's house unless i know like really know the mother,i dont think it will be safe for you to let her go but i will let jessica come over i mean she has no fault for what poor choices her mother did!

Answer 5

My family is in contact with a family very similar Jessica's. The mother has three children under the age of six, all born by different fathers. She is addicted to gambling but is not ready to seek help in getting over it. We love the three daughters very much and consider them to be like members of our own family, but the mother is completely focused on her own needs and wants and abused our well-intentioned offers to help. She literally left her newborn baby girl with us for nearly two months without once calling or checking in to see how the child was getting along, and then one day arrived and took the baby away without any word of explanation. She is continually hitting us and our friends up for money and has stolen from us on a number of occasions. I know that first impressions can be wrong, but a low life is a low life and no matter how wonderful the children are, you will regret letting people into your life who are not trustworthy. There is a difference between being poor and being scum, and you must make very intentional, very terrible choices to cross over from being one to the other. These people tend to view the people around them as resources, not friends, and often seem to feel that they deserve to have what the people around them have- not realizing that we all work very hard to get and maintain a healthy standard of living. It doesn't happen by accident. I would absolutely advise you to steer clear of this family if possible. It sounds like the girls are pretty happy with "just" spending time together at school (that is a pretty considerable chunk of time, after all, it's not like they never get to spend time with one another), and you don't have to worry about the possibility of your home being broken into, etc. Your daughter is going to go through so many friends and change so much over the next few years, it seems like a waste of energy to get deeply entangled with what will probably prove to be a brief friendship. Save your energy for when she reaches jr. high and is no longer influenced by your opinion of her friends.

Answer 6

Would you want your friends to come over to a situation like that?  My guess is she is embarrased, if your daughters get along well, and are BFF's then let her come over.  I am sure she would love the positive attention that your child gets and your daughter will probably make a friend for life.  My 7 year old has a friend similar.  Dad is on his 3rd marriage, they have 7 kids she is the youngest.  She loves to come to our house as we only have 1 child, there's lots to do (WII, trampoline, swingset, swimming pool, barbies) and she is a good little girl.  We now take this little girl to a lot of places with us, as it is great for my daughter and Liz gets to do lots of things she never would of.  Give the little girl a chance, you may make a big difference in her life, and if she has such a bad role model at home, who knows you could help break the cycle.

PS I wouldn't let my daughter go over there though :)

Answer 7

I would invite the daughter over, but on the offchance that your daughter does get an invite back (and she probably won't) you can always find you're doing something else that day...

Try not to judge too hard, though. Lots of people have children by two different fathers. She could have had the tattoo done ages ago and regret it. Maybe she doesn't have money for better clothes. And she went to the school function, right? That is a sign that at least she cares.

Answer 8

I think that it would be wonderful for you to invite her over.  She probably needs some stability in her life.  Perhaps, if she asks your daughter over, you could suggest a group outing to a park or pizza place?   Maybe you would get to know the mother of "Jessica" a little better, because maybe she really is a good parent despite her appearance.  Also, this might be a great opportunity to show this mother what a good mother acts like.

Answer 9

let it die, your daughter is only 7 kids arent old enough to  make informed decisions on who their friends should be at this age , everyone they speak to is their "best friend" at this age. her mother sounds like a crack wh**e from your description, meth causes your teeth to fallout too. and im pretty sure you wont be allowing your child to stay over there to play, and i wouldnt invite trouble  into my home either. dont take chances with your kids, if it were one or two things it would be different but it seems like her whole demeanor screams "dont leave your kids with me!!"

ive been married twice and got a kid by each one...thats not uncommon these days, im still married to daddy number 2 though  and its till death do us part  lol

Answer 10

invite the child over to your own house. And, call social services. Obviously the other child's mom is smoking crack, due to her missing teeth....

Answer 11

That's so unfortunate for Jessica.  This kind of stuff happens all the time.  Great kid, idiot parents.  And it's sad that these great kids end up with no friends because the parents of other kids don't want them around those kind of parents.  I don't blame you at all for being wary of this.  You never know what kind of stuff is happening at other people's houses - how the mother speaks (like swearing in front of the kids), what she lets Jessica watch on TV, what kind of food they eat, what quality of supervision this mother provides, etc.

I think your best bet is to invite Jessica over to your house if your daughter really likes her.  Chances are, if this mother is as bad as she sounds, she probably won't invite your daughter over anyway!  In the meantime, you can get a feel for their home life by watching and listening to Jessica.  If the mother does eventually invite your daughter over, then you're in a pickle.  The only thing I can think of is either making an excuse as to why your daughter can't come, or suggesting something else, like the four of you all going to the park or something.

Good luck.  =)

Answer 12

I agree with some of what was said before, I would probably hesitate before letting my daughter go over there (she is 8 yrs old) but I wouldn't hesitate to let this little girl come over as long as she could follow my simple rules.  I would tell her immediately upon arriving that we are respectful to each other in this house, so no name calling or hitting, and I'm available for questions or snacks as needed, lol.

My parents growing up were very cruel and, honestly, I think many other parents were afraid of them so I wasn't allowed to have friends over.  But a lot of my friends had me over.  And they had me over a lot.  The things I learned from those great families taught me to be the caring mother I am today.

If you feel you can, be a friend to this little girl and allow your daughter to be a friend as well.

Juli

Answer 13

Please invite this child to your house so she can see what a real home is like.  If the issue comes up about your daughter going there to play, sit her down and explain to her that you do not feel comfortable with it because you don't know the family well enough.  She should accept that because she is just 7.  As she gets older, you can give more details, but use this excuse for now.

Answer 14

What does the mother's personal choices have to do with her daughter being friends with your daughter?  sounds to me as if you're trying to limit your daughter's friendships and encounters with other children to people who live above a certain standard...that's called bigotry.  Nice that you're teaching your child to be a bigot.

Answer 15

My best friend has chipped teeth and will not get them fixed because of an extreme phobia of dentists.  Although the mother does not sound like she's in the best situation, you won't know until you find out.  What if your little girl was denied friends because of how you looked?

If you are still uncomfortable with having your child to go over there, that is not a problem either.  Just invite the child over to your house all the time!

Answer 16

I have 2 children with 2 fathers that does not mean anything......maybe it means she has more strength then a normal girl and does not to stay with someone that is not right for her and her kids.......I also have a Friend that is a wonderful mom that has a sleeve on her whole arm!! I do not let my kids play at any ones house where I do not know the parents well! You seem to be passing judgment on someone you do not know!! For the person that told you to call Child Protective Services, I hope they come and take her kids because she is nuts!! Have you ever seen what happens to those kids after they leave their parents? No, so don't give advice that could ruin a little girls life!! This man has never even seen this child's home.....so what does he even know? I suggest you let the little girl come over and explain to your daughter that you love her and do not know these parents, so she can not play over at their house. She will understand it is because you care about her and want to keep her safe!!

Answer 17

well it you dont have to let your daughter go to her house if you dont want to. you can still invite the girl over , her parents are not her fault, based on your opinion she may have this problem all her life growing up so give her a chance. you could even go to the park or somewhere mutual. tattoos dont neccessarily mean you are trashy or trampy. missing teeth is questionable but how do you know she wasnt in a traffic accident or something. what are S****y clothes? do you mean not upscale attire? two different fathers no big deal these days either.

Answer 18

Her mom sounds pretty trashy-looking but that doesn't mean she's a bad person. She could just be shy and that's why she sounded spaced out and why her daughter doesn't play at other kids houses. Part of the reason she looks the way she does could even be just because she doesn't have a lot of money so she doesn't buy nice clothes, go to the dentist, etc. As far as the tattoo- honey, SO many people have lower back tattoos, that means nothing lol. You said you don't want your daughter to think that woman's choices were ok but your daughter is going to look up to you more than anyone else and you don't want her to think it's ok to be judgmental either. This is a good opportunity to teach your daughter that it's ok to be friends with people who are different than your family, as long as they aren't on drugs or anything, of course. Go ahead and invite the girl over to play and see how it goes. And quit judging the book by it's cover- her mom could be a really sweet person and you might end up really liking her.

Answer 19

I wouldn't see any reason not to invite her over.  In fact, sounds like she could use a stable environment on occasion.  She may try to return the invite, but you'll just have to tell your daughter no.  My guess is that Jessica will be too embarrassed by her home life to bother inviting your daughter over.

Answer 20

well i am not trying to be mean but dang lady how would you feel if someone judged you on one apperance maybe they just don't have much money to get her teeth fixed or by nice clothes and a tattoo is not a tramp stamp i have one on my back and it is my daughter and if someone wanted to call it that then they would have no teeth cause i would knock them out

and as having kids with different dads where have you been that is in right now and that is fine apparently the little girl was well dressed maybe she spends her money on things her kids needs not her and she is trying to get it right you don't know

you could invite the little girl over that would be fine but to judge them on what you saw that is not right

you could go to the parents house and check out what kind of living arraigments they are living in before you choose to judge them

someone people just dont have a good life like some people

we are really well off and well i dont' judge i have some neighbors that live across the road from us and they are not the best dressed people and they look homely but my child is still aloud to play with them but just cause they have less then we do we don't judge and it is not right to judge someone for something they might not be able to help

Answer 21

I would be willing to let the girl come over for summer visits...

Chances are the mother of Jessica will not really make time or want your daughter as company. So you may get out of ever having to visit the reasons why she couldn't go to her friends house for the day/night.

My kids are friends with a family like this and they girls always come here to play. They never stay at their friends house and they never ask to have my girls up.