Would you let your child turn up to a childrens birthday party without a present!?

Question

Promise one the next day, and not bother to send anything!

To an expensive party, for a 6 yr old! the parents have money, it is a very wealthy area!

Someone did this to my daughter last week, I could ever put my child in this situation!

Answer 1

I don't think that it was fair to your child to be promiced something and then not get anything.  

I however have had plenty of people turn up to my sons parties empty handed it's no big deal really.  

Children only seem to invite people to their parties to get gifts and I personally don't think that it is right I feel it is a little greedy.  I have told my son you don't invite to get stuff you invite people so you are not alone and you have a good time.  

However it is polite if you are being invited to something that costs to show grattitude and bring something even if it is small as it is the thought that counts.

I would be more mad at the broken promice than the not recieving part.

Answer 2

I would never do that either

Answer 3

Definately not.

Answer 4

Definitely rude! Even if someone can't afford something expensive they can get something small and wrap it fancy.

Answer 5

Thats just rude, sending yr kid to a party without a birthday gift. My kids wld die of embarrassment if i sent them to a party without one! Its just too rude and cheeky!

Answer 6

No way! Thats totally rude.

Answer 7

Some people are tacky, but what can you do? Don't make a big issue about it - It will give your kid the impression that celebrating birthdays is only about the gifts.

Answer 8

No, I wouldn't do that.  

But I wouldn't care if somebody came to my kid's party without a present.  My kids care about having their friends here for a party.  They don't care about the stuff.

Answer 9

well  i have had partys  for my daughter but i dont really pay attention if everyone brings a present or not.......if you want presents for ur children you should go  buy him his presents and dont throw a party at all......... partys are about socializing with friends and having  fun....

well sometimes in my partys we dont even get to opening presents we are just too busy doing other fun things.......

but yeah i wouldnt send my daughter to a party without a present.......she loves giving presents and also receiving them

Answer 10

i agree i just couldn't do it, i could never embarrass my kids like that.

Answer 11

I wouldn't sweat this.

Honestly I would prefer if parents wouldn't send gifts with their child.  I have tried requesting that - nonperishable food item like previous poster - but the kids still bring small present.  

My children have way too many "things."  Especially now, since I am on my fourth son.

A gift should not be an expectation and I think you are getting a little dramatic about this - going into how much money the parents have/make.  You really do not have much of a say in what another parent does nor should you pass judgement because you only know what you see.

The purpose of your child's party should not be for a parent to "pay" for their child's attendance.  That gets to be really expensive in the long run, particularly if your child has a large group of friends of large class.

Answer 12

No, its not the childs fault that their parents are so mean and tight, i wouldn't spite the child.

Answer 13

I would have definately brought a gift.  I think the kid probably felt weird as your daughter was opening everything.  Plus, it teaches the child the gift of giving.  But, no matter how expensive the party, I don't think it would have to have been an expensive gift- just thoughtful.

Answer 14

Oh my God! - what  mean-spirited parents. They may have money but they certainly don´t have any class or knowledge of social etiquette.

Answer 15

For my nephews Parties my sister and brother-in-law ask that no present be brought.  Instead they ask that the kids bring non parishable food items for a Thanksgiving Basket to bring to a charity.  Then they take my nephew to drop it off.  If you can't tell he was born around Thanksgiving.  

Why is it such a big deal that your daughter didn't get ONE present.  Are you guys really that materialistic that she MUST have presents from everyone who shows up?  Shouldn't the really important thing be that her friend was able to come and celebrate a special day?  Since when is birthdays only about presents and not about celebrating and having fun!  And this shouldn't matter if they have tons of money or don't.  By you making a big deal about this you are teaching your child to make a big deal about this.  I think there are more important things in life then if a 6 year old gets that extra barbie!

Update:  Your question made it seem that you were mad.  The statement "Promise one the next day, and not bother to send anything!" makes it seem that you were not worried about the child that showed up with nothing to hand over when your daughter was opening presents and that you wanted to save that poor child from embarrassment but that you were upset that your daughter didn't get anything from them when you were having an expensive elaborate birthday party for a 6 year old!  (What happened to going roller skating and a Barbie cake?) If you were concerned about your child’s friend then why would you be upset that you didn’t get anything the next day?  No other children would be around!  AND it would just be you and your daughter.  And if your daughter doesn't seem to mind and is fine with her friend why are you making a big deal out of it.  

Yes, common etiquette is if you are invited to a party you show up with some sort of hostess gift.  However, you do not know what is really going on in that family’s household.  Maybe the grandparents had to drop off and pick up because the family had something else.  I took my nephew to a birthday party...does that make my sister a bad mom?  No.  She was 9 months pregnant.  Different situations happen.  You shouldn't pass judgment.  The mother may have already talked to the child.  Or it could have been a situation like mine where I took my nephew to the party because my sister was going into labor and we had all forgotten the gift at home.  So my nephew (only 4) told his friend that he was very sorry he forgot the gift but that his mother was having his little sister so things are a little chaotic! My nephew understood and was just fine.  He made the choice to tell his friend about his little sister coming!  He didn’t have to and could have been quiet and just sat there with the other kids when the presents were being opened....

It still seems that in your original question you were more worried about your child.  But a few of us either called you out or made you see the other side.  Again...The other child may have been fine.  You don't know the entire situation.  And if the grandparents were doing the transportation there may have been more going on.  Which having grandparents and aunts and uncles do drop off and pick up doesn't mean the mother didn't want to take the time to get off work.  I take my nephew all the time...he asks me to take him sometimes!  His parents are amazing parents.

Answer 16

Well the fact that it was an expensive party is irrelevant. If you choose to spend a lot that is your choice, it should not dictate if gifts are brought or not.

That said, I do think it is unfair to the child who comes empty handed. It is very embarrassing for them. Why not even go to the $ store and get something. The fact her grandparents brought her is no big deal either, not everyone can take time off especially for a party that is not their own child or family, that is a bit much to expect. But I do agree get something cheap so they are not embarrassed.

My daughter recently had a party and a child from her class came without a present and he cried 3 times during the party because of it. I assured him we just wanted him there not a gift but you could tell he was humiliated. A simple $1.00 gift everyone can afford. And it does not matter your neighborhood status all of us have hard times once in a while. And not everyone relies on credit cards.

Answer 17

My mother sent me to a party for a girl I wasn't friends with and I had no present to give.

I never went to another one.

Answer 18

no i would not, just a small gift not costing alot is fine. its the thought that counts,

Answer 19

Just because someone may "look" like they have money isn't always the case. There are millions of "rich" poor people. So maybe they didn't have the money. Maybe they got busy and forgot. Life happens. I never expect people to bring gifts and I make it clear. I just want his friends and family there and for him to have a good time. But then again I'm not a materialistic kind of person either. Maybe the parents were busy and that is why they could not pick up or drop off the child. You shouldn't point this kind of thing out. I hope you didn't say anything to your child or around her about it. I live in a wealthy area and am broke as a joke. Maybe you shouldn't worry about spending a ton of money on your childs party and the presents she's going to get. I had a cheap skating party last year with 4 guests. He told me it was the best party of his life! That is what makes the kid happy.

Answer 20

We really don't know why the little girl turned up without a gift.  All I see are assumptions and rushing to judgment.

Perhaps the family had a crisis.

Perhaps the family provided a gift and, being human, left it at home.

There are all kinds of reasons, none of which would require me to judge the parents of the guest.

Showing up without a gift is not that terrible.  After all, it's the child's attendance at the party which is the real gift.  I would have pointed this out to the child, and told the parents not to worry about it.

Answer 21

No I wouldn't, and that's why I turned down lots of party invites for my son.  He was always disappointed and the kids who invited him didn't understand, but I just couldn't afford to buy a present.  

After a while, they just stopped inviting him, which was a relief for me.  One time when I was about to turn down another invite, the mum said, "look, we just want him there to keep **** company.  They can have fun together, OK?"  That was nice, and I sent a card with my son, the kid didn't seem to mind, he was just happy to have his best friend at his party.  

Was the child in question someone you would have invited if you weren't expecting a present?  Has your daughter said she is unhappy, or was she pleased her friend turned up?  Who is the one most annoyed here?

Answer 22

My son had a birthday party yesterday and I didnt make a issue about weather the children brought presents OR not.

Maybe you come from a wealthy area but how are you aware of the familys finances.

To celebrate a party dosnt mean the child HAS to bring a present.

I think your just being bitter and why should it bother you how the child must feel.