Would you lie about the date of your c-section to keep family away?

Question

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When my first child was born my husband's entire family descended on us like a pack of wolves. (Despite the fact that we told them in advance that we would call when we were ready for visitors.)

My husband and I didn't have a chance to bond with the baby right away because everyone swooped in to hold him within minutes after we got back to the room with him. I didn't get a chance to nurse him properly. When he had his circumcision the next day, and I was very emotional in general and I was sobbing, I returned to my hospital room to find 12 of my husband's family members having a pizza party on my bed. I asked them politely to leave and only 5 of them did.

This time around, I want to tell everyone the baby will be born a week later than the actual date. My husband will support me on this. I know it sounds selfish but I dread having the same thing happen again.

What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

Yes, I would because too much people talking and giving opinions can make me nerves!

Answer 2

Nope not selfish at all. I know they want to be a part of it, but they have kids and should have understood how you felt. I know I wanted to have my initial bonding time too. Especially since you specifically asked several times and they flat out stepped all over your requests, I would just tell them You dont know yet  but you will call when the doc lets you know. THen call when you are ready for visitors. I wouldnt wait a full week though. Maybe call the next day or 2, otherwise you will really hurt some feelings possibly beyond reconciliation. They will probably be oblivious to the fact that they were so rude and will not understand why you would not want to tell them. So make sure if you leave your hubby's family out , you also leave yours out, and when asked why you didnt tell them, just explain it exactly like you did here. Tell them they really hurt your feelings the first time and you didnt feel you had the chance to bond.

oh, fyi, when I was feeling bombarded I asked the nurses to lie about visitation policies for me and they came right in and said, sorry guys its time to clear out.. or only 2 visitors at a time and such.

Answer 3

I can say that I wouldn't lie about my due date, or the date I went into labour, because there would be so much anger afterwards for lying. But what I would do is tell my family, and my husbands family the "rules" and would have my husband make sure that the family understands. They need to be told that on the last occasion, it was totally inappropriate and you were disgusted, and found that their behaviour was actually detrimental to your time with you son.

If his family can't act appropriately, the hospital can be asked to act as "security".

I just would hate for this to become a sore point for the whole family later on for lying!

Answer 4

Why lie? That doesn't seem like a great way to start off with a new family member.  

Instead, don't tell them the information--if you don't advertise all the details to them, they'll be less likely to think they are invited, plus they'll be less likely to figure out when to show up.  

Or do like I did, when my family unexpectedly descended on me in the hospital as I was about to deliver.  I simply asked a nurse to have everyone except my husband leave; nurses are very good about keeping people out if you don't want them there.

Answer 5

I think telling lies only leads to more lies and it's one you're going to have to tell over and over again for an indefinite period of time.  To remember who knew what, etc.  Seems like retelling of childbirth happens often.

I do understand how you feel but instead I would utilize the nursing staff to your advantage.  You and hubby will have to be firm and all you have to do is tell a nurse and they should have no problem coming in and kicking them out for you.  

My best friend had her own mother kicked out, lol.  Also, you could have him wait to go out to the waiting room to let them know what's going on.  Warn the nursing staff in advance (meaning before you let them in).

Wish you the best of luck regardless of what you choose.

**edit**

Believe me I understand not bonding, my son was abt 26 hours old before I could see him the first time and that was one of the toughest things ever.

Answer 6

If they were that rude before I don;t blame you! Tell everyone that your c-sec is a week later than the actual date, then when you deliver a week early you can say your water broke unexpectedly.

Answer 7

I say that if that is what you want than go for it.  If they were that inconsiderate and rude before you don't need to deal with that again.  I don't blame you one bit!  Good luck and enjoy your new baby!  =)

The hospital I gave birth at only let the people I wanted to visit come in!  If I didn't want them there all I had to do was tell the nurses and they would have gotten them out.  Keep that in mind if you are desperate and they should make everyone leave if they show up.

Answer 8

If you have to inform them at all when the baby is born, that would probably be the best way to do it. I remember when I had my son, everyone thought they had to be in the room and I was on so many drugs, I had no idea what the h**l was going on to begin with. The next day, my whole family and my boyfriend's family was in my room, holding my son constantly. It was so irritating because he was hardly ever in his bassinet. My boyfriend's mom was especially annoying because she stepped in and "knew everything." You have the right to privacy and this is you and your baby's time. Anyway, there is nothing wrong at all with you doing this and I know what it's like to have a c-section, you need a lot of rest. Congrats on the baby and I really hope it all works out for you!

Answer 9

No, that is entirly understandable.

They don't really have a right to act the way they did. Your childs birth is between you and your husband and everything should have been both of your decision.

Having a baby is to stressful and hard time. I wouldnt want 20 people in my face while im trying to rest!

I am planning to do that with my boyfriend when we decide to marry and have children. Not for your reasons, just because he doesnt want them there.

Answer 10

I would do it, if I were you.  You have a right to have a quiet delivery.  I wish relatives would understand that.  

Unfortunately, my boyfriend is a momma's boy, so there's no way he would lie to her.  I've already told him I don't want her in the room with me AT ALL while I'm in labor.  My family is on the west coast, so I don't have to worry about them busting in on my special day.

Answer 11

Go for it!  I would, I know what you are talking about!  I always had vaginal deliveries, but we never called anyone except my mom before we went home.

Answer 12

You know at first I was going to say don't lie and let them know they cannot come.

But if they are really this disrespectful then yes, go ahead and lie and tell them you went into early labor.

Yikes.

Also you should know Hospitals were all forced into a new tougher privacy policy so when you check in, you can request to not have your name or room number listed on the general operators #.  IF anyone calls or shows up at the hospital, no one can tell them you ARE there or Where you are.

You would have to inform them yourself ahead of time.

I had noone at the hospital for my 1st daughters birth and it is a blessing.