Question:

Would you like to know the 10 best ways to be a lazy housewife so you can have more time on the computer?

by Guest60525  |  earlier

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1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers.

Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately

whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when

disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The

Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens

provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging

rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and

leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces

the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic

atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light

fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and

exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the

haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers

next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui

aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your

vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against

the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there

to

use for stuffing handsewn play animals for

underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything

unsightly into one room and close the door. As you

show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the

door k**b vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love

you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed

and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place

a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS

is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly

over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and

try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did

this the week before that unspeakable accident... I

haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household

cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle.

Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in

conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look,

throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and

I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."

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24 ANSWERS


  1. Very funny :)

    I think #10 is my favorite....


  2. You read my mind, Suzie.

  3. Good ideas, I'm going to remember them. You know housework won't kill you, but why take the chance!  I just dab a little O'Cedar wax behind each ear just before my hubby comes home so it makes me smell tired!  

  4. Thanks.

    I manage to be lazy just fine on my own but extra excuses are always welcome!

  5. Well said Suzie,,, have a star x

  6. LOL!   These were really funny.  But I have to be honest, I don't even make excuses anymore.   Too much of my life has already been spent dusting coffee tables and cleaning toilets.   Now, it gets done when I feel like it and not before!!!!

  7. I want to know where you met my Wife

  8. LOL nice one :)  

  9. 3 sounds so authentic, one starts wondering if it is true. A very good read. But I am sure of one thing, my wife is not going to have a peep at this posting.

  10. Thanks Suzy...Now I am safe to Invite you over!!!!! My house passes.  you are a Doll. Thanks for sharing this  

  11. Thanks I might use some of those lol

  12. I have seriously used a few of these and I will sure try the other one too. Thanks

  13. *rofl*  Ok..I'm sending that one to everyone!  

    Re: Question #3...I actually tell my husband that I don't keep the windows spotless because I can't stand it when birds hit the window!


  14. Love this!  Especially number 7.  When I was in high school I worked  Saturdays for a lawyers wife tidying up the house. They had a large room that was the "throw room". Everything they  didn't know what to do with got thrown in the room and I mean they just opened the door and threw it in the room!   There was everything you can imagine in there. Only one I have ever heard of.

  15. thanks suzie for extending my list of excellent reasons .

    every body knows i like wild life, so it's no surprise to find webs,

    "spiders need to live some where to !"

    "i left those little doggie foot prints to show u , arn't they cute?"

    are 2 favourites .

    ps if i spent more time on the computer i'd have to give up either working ,sleeping or eating .!!!!

  16. I like it...very funny...however, here are some of my own 'tricks'...lol:

    I stretch the vacuum cord all the way across a room, and leave it there.  He assumes I've been vacuuming the room.

    I put the dirty dishes in the oven.  He NEVER uses the oven, so he doesn't know they are there.

    I put dirty clothes in the dryer.  No one in my house even knows where the dryer is kept, so they don't have a clue.

    I tuck a dust cloth into my waistband or drape it over my shoulder.  He assumes I've been dusting SOMETHING.

    Also, just before he's due to walk in the door, I sprinkle water on my face, smear it a little, start panting, and holler that I just can't get anywhere with cleaning this house!!

  17. Oh, Thank You so much for providing this question cause YES I did need to know the above info. Bless your heart! ♥

  18. Hahahaha!!  Thank you I will have to remember these ideas!! hahaha!  

  19. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

  20. Thanks Suzie, this should be a guide for every housewife to use, even newly wed brides. So funny and interesting.   Poppy

  21. WOW,good one

  22. LOL LOL LOL . . . really cute, but why go to all that trouble. . . .When I see unexpected company coming, I run and grab about 12 Get Well Cards and put them all around the room . . .then when I open the door I tell them "So sorry for the mess, but I have been really sick for a while ! "  Hey, it works every time ! ! !  

  23. Absolutely BRILLIANT!! Please can I have the link to these good jokes!

  24. Who told you all of my tricks?  Chuckles and stars!!!!!!!

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