Would you make your daughter do this?

Question

I recieved an e-mail from one of the girls mothers in my daughters homeroom. The e-mail was saying how her daughter didn't have many friends, and if my daughter could call her or talk to her in homeroom it would be great.

My daughter said that the girl (she only talked to once because I told her about the e=mail I got) invited her over her house on Sunday. Do I make my daughter go? Do I just let her make-up and excuse? I have 10 kids with me for a week (5 of my own and 5 are my sisters) so I can barely think. I just need some help with this one!

Answer 1

I know that the majority of the people here will most likely say, allow your daughter to make up her own mind.  And in some instances that is good advice.  However the mother of the other girl is trying to help her daughter.  Would it be so bad that your daughter tried to spend one day with that lonely girl?  I know that as an adult there are many people that I would not choose to be friends with, but when I choose to step out and be friendly to someone that does not have friends, I find out that that person may not be as "bad" as I thought.  Unless you feel that the environment would be dangerous to your daughter, in which case I would not allow her to go. I would encourage her to give it a try.  If it does not work out as a friendship, your daughter will know that she stepped out and tried.

Answer 2

I dont think my answer will be too popular but, explain to her that no one is better than anyone and just becuase she doesnt seem cool doesnt mean that she isnt, she should go over there and try to be her friend. I would talk to the kids who were less fortunate than I at that age and I really feel blessed that I did, they are normal, they are just like you and me. Make her go.

Answer 3

maybe there is a reason your daughter doesn't want to be friends with her.... and why other people don't want to be friends with her. let your daughter make her own decisions when it comes to making friends.

Answer 4

You should make her go...there is some things parents just have to do that the kids don't like.  Who knows...maybe they will become really good friends.  Don't let your daughter do what she wants on this occasion.  She may take advantage if you let her do what she wants now.  The fact that she says she REFUSES to go makes me mad...it is not for a 13 year old girl to be saying about this.

X

Answer 5

Let your daughter do what she wants... She'll probably go if she feels comfortable...

EDIT: Just saw your edit--- thats your answer then.... dont force her... there is probably good reason behind her reasons..

Answer 6

my heart goes out to the mom and the girl, she must really need a friend if the mom is soliciting friends for her, i would encourage my daughter to go with an open mind and heart...sometimes kids just need a break, and it's so hard to not be popular and be able to make friends of your own...i would encourage your daughter to be generous of spirit and be her friend.  best of luck!

Answer 7

No matter what you do, MAKE SURE your daughter doesn't tell other people of the email. That other girl will be made fun of horribly.

Answer 8

I would never force my daughter to do anything she did not want to do.....other than chores and such.

I find it really amusing that a mom would look for friends for her daughter. That is a bit odd. I could never ask someone to "like" my child or hang out with her. She put both you and your daughter in an awkward situation.  

Answer 9

yeah! you can never have too many friends plus you could use a little break from 1 more kid! I have to give you a round of applause for having 10 kids right now!!!! WOW!! See if your daughter wants to go if she does let her, if she doesn't tell the other girls parent that you have yours and your sisters kids over and you need more help from your daughter!! good luck with it all!

Answer 10

You don't say how old she is, but I'm guessing she's old enough

to choose her own friends.  I don't think you should make her go

if she doesn't want to, if she feels she doesn't have enough in

common with the girl to be her friend, why put her through that?

Answer 11

I  you should allow her to make her own decisions on who she wants to be frineds with

Answer 12

8th grade girls are the worst for exclusion. If your daughter is popular and "refusing" to be friends with this girl, it's better to just let it be. I was the other girl in middle school and while my parents didn't try to solicit friends for me, I had my share of rough times with those girls. Honestly I'd have rather they not know I'm alive and be alone all the time than go through the torment they put me through. Now, because this girl's mom is calling around begging kids to be friends with her daughter, she has just risked making it a ton worse for her, giving fuel to any mean girls that decide they need a new victim.

13 years old is not the age where girls are generally able to take a stand against their friends and invite a new person in, especially one they already don't like for whatever reason. It's unfortunate, but it's the way it is. The way your daughter probably sees it, if she becomes friends with this girl, she will lose her popularity and her friends will just turn on her and make fun of her too. That's not a risk worth taking when you're 13.

I wouldn't force it, at all. I grew up fine, and can now laugh at the fact that I ate lunch in the bathroom sometimes.  

Answer 13

Ask your daughter what the problem is with being friends with this girl.  Maybe she is the the type that is in constant trouble.  If there is no reason at all, the ask her about trying to be friends.  If there is a good reason, just don't make her go.

Answer 14

No I wouldn't MAKE her hang out with someone that she clearly doesn't like.  It seems to me that if your daughter dislikes this girl so much she probably doesn't have many friends for a reason.  If your daughter wants to go then let her, but don't force her to be friends with someone she doesn't like.

Answer 15

Don't make her do anything she doesn't want, but tell her to be nice to the girl. I'd say let her politely refuse, but remind her this girl isn't very popular and to be as polite to her as possible.

EDIT: At the age of 13, girls are usually very concerned with "popularity". I'm guessing this girl isn't very popular, and your girl doesn't want to be embarassed. It's perfectly normal. This girl might not have many friends for a reason. Maybe she's rude or something. Let your daughter decide for herself while staying kind.

Answer 16

that sucks, this is precisely why my wife and I are making a point to emphasize the importance of being nice to all people.  It's terrible to be isolated like this little girl seems to be.  It's not your fault, but 13 yr olds can be cruel, not to say any fault lay with your child, but i'm sure you sympathize with the parents of this child.  That really sucks.

Answer 17

I am sorry, but you get to choose your friends.  At the age of 13, a parent should not be forcing a child to be friends with anyone (and I am not saying this is what you are doing).  If you make your daughter go, she may resent you for it...as a teenager she will have many other opportunities  for resentfulness, this doesn't need to be one of those reasons.

Not to mention, but if she is forced to spend time with somebody she really dislikes, this could end badly for the other girl involved.

I think if I were you, I would encourage your daughter to tell her kindly that she is really busy right now with ____(whatever your daughter does) and that she just doens't have time for ANY get togethers out of school.  That way the girl will hopefully get the picture and your daughter does not feel obligated to keep turning down invites in the future.

In response to the mother, I would reiterate the same thing...too busy right now to get together at any point and suggest to her that she enroll her child in some kind of a hobby/group where she can get to know other kids with common interests.  

Answer 18

At 13 she should be able to choose her friends.  I would encourage her to be friendly to the girl, but if she does not want to go over her house, I would not force her.  

Good luck!!

Answer 19

ask your daughter if she wants to go. I dont see anything wrong with it. Who knows, maybe these girls will turn out to be great friends!