Would you marry someone who cheated on you?

Question

My fiancee and I have been together for a few years, we now have a son. However, he recently admitted to me taht early in or realtionship he slept with his ex, who damaged him badly and then afetr we started dating wanted wanted him back. I've alwasy been so against cheating but i've already built a life with him?

Answer 1

Yeah, that's a tough situation. But once they are a cheater, cheating on you again is planted in their heart. So, they msot likely will do it again. But you just choose what you can handle more. Leaving him and having visits with his son, or else handling the situation of him cheating on you. But you know, maybe since it was early in the relationship, he didn't feel as strongly about you as he does now. And that's why he cheated, but you knw him better to see whether or not he would do it again...

Answer 2

Early in the relationship?  Like how early?  That matters.  If he just came out of the relationship with her, there may have still been feelings and things weren't yet serious for the two of you...  on the other hand if he means like a year ago, hmmm, I don't think I would, I think it would always be in my mind that he cheated for no good reason and could do it again some day.  

Answer 3

if it was in the beginning of the relationship and he admitted it now, i think you can see it then that he regrets it and he wouldn't do it again...

Answer 4

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if they did it before you got married what is to stop them when you do!

Answer 5

"YES"....but only if I was dumb...and had no dignity nor self respect ...

or.......if I was so blinded ..yes..even one sided (for it is obvious that your fiancee has none for you)..by "Love".....lol....good luck.

Answer 6

Nope,move on.

Answer 7

It happened long ago and he loved you enough to admit it to you after getting by with it all of these years. If you think he is a good man and a good father, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he has chosen to build his life with you, then it's obvious he doesn't want to be with her.

Forgive him only if you are going to truly forgive him. For the sake of your son and yourself, if it is something that will come up for the rest of you lives in every argument, its better to move on now and not put your child through the mess.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

Well like you me and my partner been together a few year. little boy 2 and a little girl 8month. 2 weeks after my daughter was born he cheated on me. I was devastated! I thought i would never get over it and mind it took me months to but i can tell you we got married june7th of this year. Dont get me wrong i still think of it now and then but your right, my life was already built with him and i decided to give it a go. Thats me though and everyone is different. You do what you feel is best for you and your son, but everyone deserves a second chance sometimes

Answer 9

I wont !!!

Your partner should be the one u trusted most ! He should not cheat u !

Actually, you are having a prosperous life with a son, but unfortunately u met a cheater ! Things change totally !!!

How r u going to spend a the rest of ur life with a cheater ???

For me, I will make decision to leave the cheater !!!

He will cheat you again and again if u forgive him easily, then you will regret !!!

Answer 10

I wouldn't marry him. Not unless I really trusted him.

Answer 11

I did, and it was a mistake.  

Answer 12

No.

Answer 13

never, but that's just me.  every relationship is different and people do change.  sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. find a couples therapist who can assess his committment

Answer 14

Never

Answer 15

Well, if you forgive him for what he did and you think that he won't do it again sure. But if you don't trust him I wouldn't because he could easily do it again.

Answer 16

go for it, every one makes mistakes. if it was early on, before you had plans, i say that was then. but you have to forgive and forget

Answer 17

The case you describe - I would forgive for and I would marry - It was a one time event, not a new person and it was prior to marriage and early.

Answer 18

I wouldn't. I am a firm believer in this: "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." I also do not believe that people change. Perhaps I'm cynical, but that is the pattern I have seen with most people.  

Answer 19

Everyone is different in their capacity to forgive and forget and move on. Also, sometimes people perform a single indiscretion /moment of weakness and never do it again as they are genuinely remorseful. So some are able to forgive this single indiscretion and maybe with stipulations, i.e. next time you  are out.

Then there are cheaters who are just always cheaters, and giving a second chance is really beside the point, and opening the door for more hurt.

I happen to believe in the adage 'hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me' so I'm in the school of thought that cheating is unacceptable. Period. Healthy relationships are about respect and trust and open communication. If there is respect in a relationship, there is no room for cheating. My stance on this is somehow conveyed in the near beginning of any serious relationship I'm in, so there is no room for oops, I didn't know etc. Anyway, it only happened to me once ,and he knew cheating would get him booted to the curb, and yet he still was an *** about it. Too bad, bye bye. You have to decide in your own heart what you're willing to put up with or forgive. If you do feel in your heart this was a single act and you weigh the life you have built with him, you need to talk openly with him about this and stipulate that you have boundaries and he will have to build up that trust with you again. Let him know that you are forgiving the one time and that he WILL be out if it ever were to happen again, no maybes. And then you need to stick to that or else he has the thumbs up to do whatever he wants because he knows you will not stick to your guns/principles.

A suggestion would be if you're going to move past this single indiscretion and keep him around, to postpone the wedding for a while until this trust that makes a healthy relationship, has been rebuilt. It's a lot messier to end things after marriage, than before.  

Remember, hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me. And also realize that you have a son who will grow up in this environment and if you accept his action(s) your son will grow up believing this is acceptable. Ask yourself if you want to pass on that to your child.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 20

Well, he's admitted to doing it. You should just keep your eyes open for a while.  

Answer 21

I wouldn't marry him right away, I'd make sure he understands that he made a mistake first, and if he is worth the rest of your life, he will show a lot of remorse.  I would still wait a long time to marry him though.

Answer 22

As many times as people will say no, only you can answer that. Either way, its a gamble with your emotions. Prayerful he wont do it again. That's a chance that you would be taking. Way your options. Do you trust him enough to take that chance?

Listen to your heart.  

Answer 23

If you can, find a good counselor and talk this out before you actually tie the knot. He needs to know that it hurt you, and you need to know that he knows that and won't do it again.  If you can't find a counselor, then buy a good book or rent one from the library.  There are lots of self help books that can address this issue for you.

I wish you the best of luck :)

KT

Answer 24

No, most cheaters will cheat again and try to make it seem like it was the other person's fault.  

Answer 25

If it was that long ago, and he confessed it to you now, I'd say he's feeling guilty and is quite sincere.  He's been faithful since, and didn't have to tell you.  I think it's a sign that he always plans to be faithful and stick it out with him.  Sounds like he's a decent guy.

Answer 26

h**l no.  Kick his Ã¥ss to the curb.

Answer 27

it's obviously something that has bothered him or he wouldn't have admitted it.  i have never condoned cheating BUT it was early in the relationship and since you're getting married and have a son, your relationship has obviously flourished and blossomed.  if he's truly remorseful for what he did, then continue to build your life with him.  

Answer 28

i'd sit down and have a nice long chat about it, posible wait on the marriage till we worked through it...but if it was like really early and a one time mistace...then after such amount of time..i'd try to work it out

people can change, but only if they want too, in this case it sound like he wanted and did...you still need to overcome it and process it, if not then it wil become a gnawing point in the marriage...so yeah work with it first, talk about it, go to counceling if nesicary, but dont just forgive and forget (because you dont do that, you just surpress feelings trying to do it and thats unhealthy)

Answer 29

I wouldn't marry someone who cheated on me.  Why waste your time?  I'm a believe that if someone cheats once, they'll do it again.

Answer 30

uh       no

i dont think sooo

Snow

if they arnt gonna be faithful  you dont want to get into a marrage you wont be able to escape and if you marry  and have a family  itll be even worse  especially since children will be hurt

Answer 31

I can not tell you not to cheat or to forgive someone for cheating but all I know is that the one who got cheated on has got to decide this.  I know you came here for advice and started reading for someone to give you a powerful argument leading one way or the other, but you have the call here no one else.