Would you offer your suggestions on my poem about the 'human virus'?

Question

Super-Natural

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Bird on a blast of coke

Clear amid all the smoke

Our mutual gaze slows down time

Pass judgment on friend of foe

Ignorant to secrets you hide

Ignorance and bliss as you fly

Maturing our minds is a crime

When slapped and spat on from high

Curiosity sought evolution

Fungus offered solutions

Awareness, a gained compromise

Gave meaning to good and gruesome

Talk spheres to stick men on paper

Old man takes a child and rapes her

The victims are never the wise

Wake now or be put to sleep later

Empowered when blood is spilled

Demons confused with your guilt

Everything returning full circle

When identical life is built

Adolescent humanity grows

Respect and unity flows

Mother is eternally fertile

As only God and I know

Answer 1

This is gorgeous. Too often poetry is insubstantial-- it sounds good but doesn't really have anything behind it. In the belly of this poem an uncommon power is stirring; clearly you recognized the weight that words can have. You are eloquent.

However, I feel like the last stanza turns around this piece too quickly. I'd consider reworking it a little; don't kill it, but maybe ease from sadness to hope more gradually. I dunno. The point is, this is a wonderful poem. The end.

Answer 2

I love it ,but I agree with (and again.) you might need to ease into the sudden mood uplift. But great poem.  

Answer 3

Snore