Would you rate my poem , or fix it better ?

Question

A poem..., WHAT Is That?

Pounding Oceans Emulating Mountains?

Pleasant Opinions Earning Momentum?

Petty, Old Endless Memories?

People Over Exerting Muscles?

A poem..., WHAT Is That?

Pounding Outrages Entering Minds?

Pleasant Orifices Existing Madfully?

Petty Oddities Earning Malice?

People Opening Evil Mirrors?

A poem..., WHAT Is That?

Presenting Open, Everlasting Melodies.

Answer 1

Actually, a haiku is three lines with 5, 7, then five syllables on the lines. a few lines of your poem follow that rule, but it's more than three lines, and the syllables were probably coincidental.  It think that insteam of spelling poem over and over, you pick one line, (my favorite is Presenting Open, Evelasting, Melodies.) and build a poem around that. Because some of the lines strain to spell POEM, and it would simply sound better if you only did it once, and then futher described poems, and began and ended it with something that spelled POEM.

Answer 2

That is not a poem it is a haiku.

It is pretty good.

Answer 3

i really like it alot. But the question What is that? seems kind've harsh to me. It feels like someone just blurted it out in an unplanned and unsuspecting way. Like you see something green and slimy and you blurt out , "WHAT is that?" I would change that part to ......'What is it?' I dont know thats not right either, maybe.......I dont know, think it over

Answer 4

ok......... this is not a haiku. and even if it was....

a haiku IS a poem.

its very interesting... i like the consistency with the letters an stuff...

but some of the lines go over your head...

try to make it more understandable.

Answer 5

actually I liked it - and I don't like most of the poems on this yahoo answers site..  

Answer 6

AWESOME.  I would rethink People Over Exerting Muscles . . .Maybe it would be People Over Exerting Minds?

Answer 7

Haha, that's not a haiku.

A haiku has three lines that can't total more than 17 syllables.

This is a poem..and a very good one. I like the fact that each line starts with a "P", it makes it flow really well.

You're very good, not a lot of people can string words together that beautifully.