Would you recommend a traditional church wedding or eloping?

Question

I'm 22 and have been with my fiance for close to six years. We got engaged this past fall and are planning an August 8th, 2009 wedding. So, I'm really thinking I just want to go on our honeymoon and get married then... or possibly getting married at the courthouse, or in a church with just a few people, then going on our honeymoon.

I know that my fiance and I plan to take a nice honeymoon. We've never been out of the country and definitely think that a Caribbean all-inclusive resort is the way to go. This being so, our honeymoon is going to cost around $5,000.

I've been planning the wedding for around a month and all the probable expenses are just crazy. $12 to rent ONE tablecloth? Shoes, dresses, flowers, decorations... and HOW much to feed all those people?

We live in a small town and we would likely end up with around 250 guests, 6 bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen, one flower girl, and one ring bearer.

CONTINUED...

Answer 1

My husbands Grandfather said to my husband andI that we we got married the right way and the others in the family spent way to much for their marriage. We walked into the court house said I do and walked out. The others had huge weddings invited the whole family, decorated, fed everyone, gave everyone reminders, wore wedding gown, suit and tie, walked down the isle, said I do, then walked out. In Nov. it will have been 13 yrs, sense we were married before the others were married after us and 3 have been divorced.

Answer 2

In all honesty your right the wedding is more for the guest. I would say go ahead and elope and use that money you would have spent on the wedding for a house or something to that effect. You will still get the same results and if you still want everyone to celebrate your wedding when you get back from your honeymoon, just throw one large party.

Answer 3

Instead of eloping, just get married.  You don't need STUFF, just your close family and friends and that is it.  

It takes a lot of chutzpah to just blast your parents that you don't want them at your wedding unless they have made it obvious that they don't want to attend your wedding.  However, thousands do so and the parents are angry for awhile, and most get over it.

Answer 4

Sunset  on a  beach somewhere just you and your man , you in a pretty  dress and flowers in your hair...sounds like BLISS to me :))

When you get back  plan a big party for  your friends and family and wear your wedding outfits again.Make it a bbq or  cookout  or something relatively informal so you don't have to spend buckets of money . Best of both worlds

Answer 5

I don't really know what it feels like to be in your situation but here is what i think. I think that big cerimonies are great and I think when i eventually get married I want one. But... You may be feeling different. It is so true that weddings are outragously expensive and it is alot for your guests, and that money could be better spent so just go with what you think is best. If i were you I would have a very small wedding. Just you your fiance, your parents, and close close close friends, maybe don't tell everyone your plan but the ones you want there. just exchange vows on the beach with them there and then after the "ceremony" you and your now husband take off to a different island or destination or maybe have your guests know they aren't going to be hanging around with you after that so you can enjoy your honeymoon. You and your fiance should just disscuss this and decide what is best for you. I just thought I would give you an idea! Congrats on your engagement and good luck on your future!

Answer 6

I've never much been one for the idea of eloping, but i think in your situation it would be ideal, and perhaps downright fun. do it. ;)

Answer 7

My wedding was the best day of my life. We got married in a church and had a lovely reception.  It cost about $5,000 in total and we had a very intimate celebration with 50 people.

I wouldn't go for a 250-person thing but no way would I have eloped.

Answer 8

You don't necessarily have to do either. Neither my partner nor I are Christian so we felt a church wedding would be innappropriate. So one day we want a small evening candlelit ceremony in a beautiful old building with just our closest family and friends. We will only provide finger food, not a full sit-down dinner.

Weddings are too often commercialised and the whole purpose of it can be lost in the reception, the dress, the rings, etc. I think weddings are about sharing your love with your family and friends, so that's why I'm not keen on eloping.

Congrats and good luck. Just do what makes you happy!

Answer 9

Well if you at all want to have wedding, then do it. You'll only get one chance and could regret it later. If you envision just the 2 of you on a beach, then do that! Whichever you think will make you the happiest in the long run.

You need to set a priority -- Either have a big wedding and a cheaper honeymoon, or a big honeymoon and no wedding.

You don't have to spend $12 on a tablecloth. There are cheaper ways to go!

Answer 10

I think if you will be happy with it, then do the beach thing.  Just get a beautiful lacy dress that will be comfy and you can still have beautiful wedding pictures...

I am picturing a dress like this... http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns...

sandals or flip-flops...  nice breeze blowing...  ahhh... now I wann do that.  LOL

Answer 11

Ok totally a good question!! I have been in the SAME exact situation as you since I got engaged 2 months ago! What we have decided is to go on a cruise to the Caribbean and get married in St. Thomas by ourselves and then do the honeymoon! When we get back, we are going to have a small "ceremony" and a bigger reception for all of our family and freinds! I totally agree with you that spending all of that money is insane. It's only one day and as long as you are happy where you get married, with the man you love, you shouldn't have to spend 15 or 20k on a wedding!

We are so excited that we finally made a decision! We are saving a ton of money and our parents are totally cool with us doing it this way as well!!

Good luck dear!

Answer 12

i am in a similar situation. why don't you just have a very small, intimate wedding so it doesn't cost too much, but at least its a lil something you and your fiance can look back on and enjoy. just choose something that you wont regret in 20 years

Answer 13

My son is getting married this Saturday. He and his bride-elect are both the first to get married on both sides of family. They have lived together almost 2 years. I offered them money to go have a great time. She wanted the wedding. I love my soon to be daughter and we have put together her wedding of her dreams. She has 6 attendants as does my son. Plus all the others that go with it. To cut costs my mother and I have done alot of things. Making flowers etc.. I am soooo ready for this to be over with. With all the drama and costs. I still wish they would have eloped. You can still have photos of your wedding on a beach and more at reception.

You can always have a simple reception when you return to celebrate with family and friends. Do a cookout or just cake and punch.

You have to do what you feel is right in yours and your soon to be's heart. Blessings to you on that special day. :)

Answer 14

My husband and I each liked both options for our Sept. 'O7 wedding.

We talked to family and friends, trying to decide what to do, and we came up with a wonderful compromise.

We had a casual outdoor wedding with a picnic-like reception at the same site. One of our friends was ordained online so he could officiate.

The compliments!! Everyone was telling us how un-stuffy, relaxed, fun, and unique our wedding was. We made our love and the love of our friends and family the focus--not the decor or dress. And, our pictures...so nice! Everyone looked like him/herself because they weren't obligated by formality to be uncomfortable in their dress.

No one thought we were cheap, either. The whole thing--food, drinks, photography, decorations, dress-- cost us $2,000 for 250 guests. (Although, we--my family--did provide the music ourselves...we're musicians; that's what we do.)

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to spend a terribly large amount of money to have beautiful memories with everyone.

And you could still have a special moment on the beach with your sweetie alone during the honeymoon...say the vows again there to have both!

Answer 15

Eloping, which is going away in secret to get married, I think is really rare. I do also think lots of regrets come later - not because of the 'big show' of a traditional wedding, but more because family and friends aren't there to celebrate with you.

If you are at all religious, you would want a church wedding - but since you aren't, there are other options.

Either have a destination wedding, or have a smaller family and close friends more informal-type wedding.