Would you remains friends with someone like this?

Question

A friend of mine is going through some tough times that he has created for himself.

I use to work with this person, and this person is also from my home town, was my neighbor for a year and came to my wedding. For the most part this person appeared to have it together and had a great energy. But lately this person has proven himself to be self centered, inconsiderate and its become difficult to have anything good to say about him. Aside from making unreasonable requests (asking if my husband would co-sign on a car loan for a mercedes, asking to transfer cash through credit cards to avoid the extra interest charge, asking to stay for a few days and then staying for 3 weeks), he's stopped making request and now takes advantage of us without our expressed permission.

The last time he stayed over I had him stay for 2 days and left him with the house keys only to find him sleeping in the bed the next night! It was awkward and weird. He had no place to stay and I felt terrible, I gave him another night and then he had to go, he stayed 3 extra nights over the 2 we had agreed with.

I allowed him to forward his mail to our address when he moved back to his country (because he lost his job and ran out of money), but discovered that he transfered his bank accounts, california drivers license and fedex account to our address. Now we are receiving all of his outstanding balance mail and junk mail but are not in touch with him on a regular basis. I feel obligated to open this very important mail and contact him, but then I didn't agree to become his personal secretary!

This person is going through some very difficult times and I hate to abandon people when they're down, but I feel this person has crossed the line and is taking advantage of us. How does one deal with someone like this?

Answer 1

in your situation i would remain friends with this person considering you have history together. But i think you should pull your friend aside and lay down the law. Tell them flat out what they can and can't do, you know. Make sure they understand where the line is drawn and let your friend know that if they cross that line..then and only then should you no longer be friends with this person.  

Answer 2

Its good that you have helped him. But of him taking advantage of you and your family is really bad.

Now,dont become a baby sitter for miserable grownup child.Better be straight forward to tell him that no more you can help him in any way when you meet him.

If all his valueable documents are in your address,than someday, you might land up in a trouble,suppose...if he has borrowed some large amount, or done any terror kind of things,than according to the address you will be harressed by police or people whom he cheats or misbehaves. And if tell you to become guaranteer for any of his ill-logical issues..better put your hands up or be ready to face the consequences.SO, better beaware and stop all his documents coming at your address. Ask the bank or other office to stop sending his document as he doesn;t stay there.

If he would be so responsible than he would have contacted you and didn't take the advantage of your well being,afterall you have a family at your responsibility.

I know you must be feeling sorry for him,but you must not let him cross his limit that can disrupt your family peace.

You have done enough and now its time,he should go his own way.

One of my friend landed in a police trouble because of something like this.

So, I felt like warning.Prevention is better than cure.

Better avoid incoming troubles before time. Best of Luck.