Until very recently, I never was competititive. I settled for pass marks and an okay job - just anything I could get without too much effort.
Then when I started university a few years ago, I was dumped into the competition - the kind where if you don't work hard, you will get stomped on. And I found myself working hard and loving the results if they were good, hating myself if my results were bad.
This streak to always be the best or one of the best has stayed with me - now to the point when I saw someone else land my dream job or dream degree, I go into a spiral of self loathing. I always feel no matter what I do, its never ever enough!
Is it okay to settle for average? Is my feelings towards always winning usual? Or am I now at the point of unreasonable jealousy and rage?
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