Would you stay if you knew he didn't love you?

Question

I am in my late 30's. We don't have any kids together. We have been married 2.5 years. I been with him for a total of 13 yrs. He is a guys guy and likes to be with his friends, he has more fun with them. He isn't abusive physically or mentally. He doesn't joke at home like he does with them. I didn't marry him because I couldn't live without him. I was scared, my dad had always been my rock and he died. Less than a year later, I got married. We were comfortable with each other. Never in the 13 years have I hear I love you. He says I'm just suppose to know. My gut says he doesn't love me. Just looking for some input here on what you think.

Answer 1

maybe you should consider councilling and if your still not happy kick his *** to the curb. i'm sorry but if someone can't tell you at least once in awhile that they love you then they have no idea what they are missing. maybe you should talked to your husband and just tell him that you love him and that you want him to imagine if you weren't around anymore how much then he would be longing to tell you then that he loves you. then again if that don';t help kick his *** out at least you won';t have to worry about him not having anywhere to go with all the buddies he had

Answer 2

If he doesn't love he would have not stayed and chose you for those years.

Not hearing it does not mean he does not feel it towards you. I've been married with a kid now. My husband never told me that he loves me. I went through this dilemma too but when I tired to focus more on his positive qualities, I noticed him grow and became more mature too.

Answer 3

He might not say it but do you feel that he loves you? That's the problem, you don't feel it and even if he said 'i love you' it wouldn't change anything. You are not in love with each other.

Answer 4

I think that those who say that he shouldn't have to say it are wrong. If you don't feel it and never hear it, how do you just know that he's been faithful? How do you just know that he's been true to you? Would you really have faith in a man that didn't say those three simple words after spending 13 years with him?

Real men profess their love. It's natural when you really care about someone.

You should be able to get an answer to such a simple question. To say "You're supposed to know" or "You know the answer" is placating and trivializing how you feel, when all you want is to hear those words and be shown some affection. It's also evasive, making it seem OK that he shouldn't have to answer. You need to stand up and say, "If I knew for sure I wouldn't ask!"

Do you love him? If not, then you need to get out of this.  

Answer 5

as love between a wife and husband is sacred and it is pious in nature. so, think positively and act.

Answer 6

That's really sad. How do you know if he doesn't tell you? I think we all need reassurance from time to time just to know that person still loves you and wants you there.

Your situation sounds like my first marriage. He said he loved me, but he went out all the time. I said I didn't feel it, as actions speak louder than words. And I felt his actions were speaking volumes that he simply didn't want me around.

So no, I wouldn't stay. If it's that hard to choke it out of him, I think that's an answer all in itself.

Answer 7

Some men are just like that. They think that if they tell you once you should know. They are just not verbal. If the only reason you think that he does not love you is because he does not tell you I would think that you were wrong. If you really knew that he did not love you no I would not stay. I would not base this on an assumption though. I would have to know for sure to leave.  

Answer 8

Not all guys can say those few little words.  Some say it all the time and don't mean it.

Actions do speak louder than words.

Answer 9

I didn't marry him because I couldn't live without him. I was scared.  

I copied and pasted part of your question and it sounds like you married him for the wrong reasons, and he married you for the wrong reasons.   So you have a choice to make stay with him for the wrong reasons or get divorced and maybe get married for love.

Answer 10

This is a very strange marriage indeed, think he is abusing you in the emotional realm and i think if it your gut instinct i listen a bit

You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel as at the minute it sounds he was just looking more for a mother or a women to play that role and the other if you no what i mean

If he loves you then he needs to make time for just two of you and action speak louder than word

wish u well

Answer 11

What kind of stuff do you talk about when you go out? Does he have reasons to avoid intimacy with you? Some women, out of insecurity, ignorance, or immaturity, do and say things to drive their men away; then wonder why they're so distant. (and vice versa)

Typically, people gravitate towards others and things they enjoy and affirm them, while avoiding uncomfortable situations and people who judge or demean them. He may not be saying I love you, because he feels unloved.

Men and women give and receive love differently. It is entirely possible that you both are expressing your love for one another in the manner in which you expect to receive it yourself; while missing eachother's needs entirely. These destructive cycles self-perpetuate and can be difficult to avoid, unless recognized.

Answer 12

If you are ready for the consequences, time to shake things up.  Tell him that either he makes an effort to show you that you are loved, or you are going to leave and find someone that will.  

Tell him that you feel neglected when he spends the majority of time with his friends.  Tell him you feel intruded upon, when he invites another guy to join every dinner out, because you are hoping to have time alone with him.  Tell him that you feel starved for love and affection.  Tell him that he has even cheated you out of ever hearing the words "I love you".  Tell him that you are not getting any younger, and you are not wasting anymore time with him, if he does not love you enough to at least want to see you happy.  Then suggest marriage counseling or a gift of new luggage for the next anniversary.

Don't listen to that "actions speak louder than words" thing.  He is not even hugging you for goodness sakes!!!!  There is no action.  If he loves you let him take the action of telling you he does!!!  No excuses, time for change before you get too old to start over!!!

Answer 13

if you feel he is cheating on you then you should ask him. he could feel he told you he loved you when he married you. if you feel you do not love him and you only married him because you where insecure and afraid to be alone after your father pasted then just think, before your dad died  what was the relationship like. why did you all not marry before.the last thing you should do is be with someone you know can not make you happy. a affair is inevitable. so take the time now to be honest with yourself if you in your heart now the truth that you do not want him, do not hurt the guy. tell him now  for later will be a disaster