Would you suggest that your teen place a child for adoption...?

Question

....if they either a) became pregnant, or b) caused a pregnancy?

if you say "no"-

-would you plan to assist your child in raising the baby?

-would you strongly suggest that your child use contraception to prevent a subsequent pregnancy?

-do you believe that your life as it is today is "better" for your grandchild than that of an adoptive family?

-what would you do if your child stated that they didn't want to parent?

if you say, "yes"-

-what are your reasons?

-would you suggest contraception to prevent a subsequent pregnancy?

-do you believe that another couple could provide a "better life" for your grandchild than your child (with or without your help) could?

-what would you do if your child stated that they didn't want to relinquish?

rationale: there is disagreement on this board regarding adoption; especially that it provides a "better life" and that bparents want to place. also, many organizations who support adoption are against birth control for teens.

Answer 1

No.

I'd do whatever it takes to keep my daughter or son's child right here where he/she belongs, even if it means taking the child in and raising her or him myself.  This is my grandchild we're talking about here, and not some disposable piece of garbage or some shiny toaster we can wrap up with a pretty ribbon and hand off as a "gift" to some complete strangers.  I don't give 2 rat's @sses about their problems, this would be MY flesh and blood and sorry to say but their infertility and their dreams are not my, nor my child's, repsonsibility to fulfill.

I was taken from my n-mother, I know what it's like to grow up without my real family, to never fit in, to not be related to any living person around you, I would never subject my grandchild to that.  That's just abuse that doesn't need to happen, not in this household.

Answer 2

No I would not want my teen to put her/him baby up for adoption. Since I have been through it, I know what I'm talking about.

First I was very dumb about s*x. In my day, my mom didn't tell me anything so when my son got to his teens, I had the talk, not just don't do it, but what happens if you do, do it. I would never let him make a decision like that alone. Yes, I would have helped even if it meant raising the child for a while.

Answer 3

wow very differcult, well, me, i would never give a child up for adoption, as i love babies and children, but a teenager or single mum or dad my feel differnt, its all about whats best for the baby

Answer 4

I dont know. I dont work very much, about 15 hours a week, so maybe I would be willing to raise the baby so my child could finish school, go to college, etc... If I worked fulltime then I woud probably want her to give the baby up for adoption to a family where the mom could be at home and raise the baby. A baby deserves to be raised by parents, not daycare, and a teenager would have to use a lot of daycare, unless they planned on dropping out of school, and that wouldn't be good in the long run for either one of them.

Either way I would hope my child learned the lesson about s*x, but yes I would want her on birth control to prevent this from happening again. In fact I would enroll her in a class that goes over STD's, pregnancy, etc... Of course I would prefer my child to abstain from s*x alltogether I wouldn't just look the other way and cross my fingers.

Answer 5

No, I would not "suggest" it. We would sit down and talk about what their options were and what they felt they wanted to do. Then I would support them in whatever decision they made concerning themselves and their child.

Answer 6

I think this would depend greatly on MY age and health whenever my child was pregnant.  If I felt I stood a decent chance of being around to help parent the child, then I probably could not bare for them to put it up for adoption.  I'm not strong enough to take that kind of separation if I saw any other way around it.  

However, if my child was very young (below 16) and I was not in a position where I felt I could provide long-term care for the child (at least 7 years) then I would seriously recomend she give the child up for adoption.  A 15-year-old will have a very difficult time rasing a baby, and the ramifications of her sacrifices to do so could have effects that aren't even realized until ten or fifteen years later.  What happens if she has a breakdown in a couple of years because she's never able to go out on dates, or hang out with friends, or take off for a wild weekend at the beach?  If she tries to give the child up at that point, it will be much more difficult on the child and my daughter.  If I was "older" and not sure I'd be able to still care for the child while she was in college, I would be very nervous about her ability to finish school.  These days, providing for a child as a single mom without a college degree is chancy at best.  Yes SOME people are able to do it, more people fail.  I wouldn't want that for my grandchild.  I would want my grandchild safe, and if we did not stand a good chance of providing safety, then the best place for my grandchild would not be with my daughter.

Answer 7

No, I could not suggest adoption to a son or daughter.  The idea of the loss of a family member (and the loss of the family to the child) is too staggering to even contemplate.  I could never send my grandchild off to live with strangers.

I would assist my child financially and with parental mentoring.  I would not do the dirty work.  Too many parents step in and take over and don't give their child a chance to parent.  Then they complain that they have all of the responsibility.

I have always been very up front with my children with respect to contraceptives and STDs.  It is just plain stupid to pretend they won't have sexual relations.

Our life would be far better for the child.  We are well-off, live in a large home, and are well educated.  Church-goers, social drinkers, no smoking or drugs (ever).  Large, healthy extended family.

If my child did not want to parent, my husband and I would offer to be the child's guardians.  I would not legally break the parental ties between my child and grandchild, it is unnecessary.  I have friends and family who have adopted their grandchildren and lied about their natal mothers.  In every case, it has come back to bite them in the butt HARD.  In all cases, when the parents were more mature, they came back and wanted their kids.  Sucks all around.  Don't lie - ever.

Answer 8

I will be answering this question from the standpoint of my personal experience- I am adopted and my 2 children are adopted.

I would suggest that my daughter or son place their child for adoption.  I personally have kept in contact with my son's birth mom, because she chose that- it was not a easy decision for her, yes, but she knows it is was right.  No one pressure her to place her baby for adoption- actually more people were telling her to abort.    I am not saying that my daughter could not raise her own child with my help- she is actually very mature for 15- but I know that it would be best to place for adoption- my daughter would agree as well. I think you are baiting with your last statement- why didn't you just ask your question and not say what you said, about adoption and a better life.

Answer 9

If it were my child who had a baby and was unable to care for it I would assume the responsibility. Just as my child is of my body, so are all the other subsequent generations. I cannot call myself a parent, and claim to love my children if my sense of responsibility ends with my childrens generation. I would love, live and die for my grand kids, great grand kids, and how ever many other generations I see before I die.

If my under aged child made a baby out of wedlock I am to blame for failing to be the parent they deserved and needed. Its my job to protect them from what they cannot understand or do themselves. Controlling their hormones and not entering compromising situations are things they cannot do, but I can for them. Obviously preventing a pregnancy by use of contraceptives is the lesser of all evils, but the ultimate is for my children to abstain until they are married and ready for the committment of children.

Answer 10

I say whole heartedly YES.

Here is an article which sums up my reasoning.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vg...

Numerous studies have shown that children are better off when raised by both a mother and a father. These children are less likely to drop out of school, have behavioral problems, participate in delinquent behavior, become single mothers themselves, and live in poverty.

Studies have shown that single mothers have higher rates of illness, have less social involvement, and, if they are teenagers, are less likely to eventually marry than those who place their babies for adoption.

Some may view placing a child for adoption as “abandoning” that child. But, adoption “is not abandoning your responsibility. It’s taking more responsibility. It is truly taking care of your own, because you’re saying, ‘I can’t give this child what he or she needs, but someone else can.’ ”

One writer expressed it this way: adoption is “not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of self for a baby’s sake

Usually the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents for her child, and she meets them before the birth. Together she and the adoptive family determine the type and frequency of future contact that will work best for them, whether such contact is through letters, photos, or face-to-face visits.

Here is a link to some adoption information.  It is all totally free for the birth mom AND dad.

http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birth...

You can Call Toll Free at

1–800–537–2229

Answer 11

No. My daughters will be married at 15 years old anyway so I won't have anything to worry about.

Answer 12

No, I would not force them to put their child up for adoption.  I would help and encourage them to finish school.  Help them to make wiser choices (birth control and waiting til they were married before they had any more).  I would help them get on their feet, sort of speak.  Help them get a job to help with the raising of the child.  Once that was done, it would time for my child to go off on their own.  I would still be there for them b/c I would never want to see them fall but they will have to learn to raise their own family just as their parents did.

Answer 13

I would educate my teen about adoption options as well as educate them of the reality of raising a child. Ultimately I would let him/her choose... and support them in their decision any way possible. As a mother some things you just don't let your kids choose, or you persuade them to do what you think is right. I think when your baby becomes a mother/father they need to assume the responsibility of choosing what is right for their child. Of course sometimes there are extenuating circumstances in which you need to step in but in a perfect world I would just try to support my child in an already confusing and fearful time.

Answer 14

No.  We are a very stable family and I think we could handle things if she got pregnant.  This is not to suggest that everything would be rosy, but it would not destroy our lives or our family.

We would certain help.  And, we have a good circle of family and friends who would also help.

Given that we are a stable and happy family, we would have no need to adopt.  I have no doubt that there might be 'better' parents out there, but I believe we could give the child a good home.

And, if our daughter said she didn't want to parent, then we (my wife and I) would certainly take and raise the child.

Answer 15

As a minister I would rather help my children raise their children until they are able to care for them on their own.  I would want to be part of their lives and show them that mis-judgments happen but it's not the end of the world and we can overcome by allowing ourselves to learn from our error's.   Most teens act out of hormones and when it results in the birth of a child, it's not the babies fault but I would also encourage them to use common sense so they don't repeat the same mistake.  No I am not saying a baby is a mistake, but poor judgment is and learning from that can be helpful.  A child is a gift from God and no gift from our Heavenly Father is even given in error.  

Thanks

Answer 16

I think I would encourage my teen to place their child as a viable option.  Adoption is different than it used to be and open adoption now exists.  There is no reason that the child can't know it's biological parents.

Many teens keep their babies but they are financially, educationally and emotionally unprepared to be parents.  The child being raised by stable, older parents who want a child while still knowing that it is loved by its biological parents is often a good choice.  And yes, I would support contraception for the future but also strongly encourage my teen to abstain until older and in a stable long-term relationship (and preferably a marriage).  The teen would have seen the consequences of early pregnancy and hopefully be more inclined to make better choices in the future.

Part of loving someone (and growing up) is doing whatever is best for them and not necessarily what you think is best for you.

Answer 17

If she asked my opinion, I would put adoption as an option.  I would not raise the child.  I took responsibility for my actions.  I had s*x, I got pregnant, I wasn't in a position to raise the child, I would NOT abort him, I placed him.  

I didn't even consider asking my parents to help or to take him.   I knew they would have cared for him while I was in school.  I also knew my dad was terminally ill and my mom didn't need a baby in the house.

Answer 18

I would support whatever decision my child chose.

Answer 19

I would NEVER suggest to my teen that she place her child for adoption.  Of course I would help her in whatever way necessary to care for, parent and raise her child.  

I told my teen daughter that I expected her to wait until she was married to have a child.  However, I was also realistic.  I talked to her about s*x education, birth control & it's FAILURE (I got pregnant with HER using birth control), STD's and being emotionally prepared to become sexually active.

I drove by our local Planned Parenthood and told her she could get answers there if she didn't want to talk to me.  I told her to call her 'Aunt' (my best friend) or her Aunt's sister (closer to her age) if she had questions that she didn't feel comfortable discussing me.  

Our family today, is wonderful. Certainly far better than how I grew up (as an adoptee) & better than I ever imagined having. Yes, I believe it's better for my grandchild to grow up knowing she/he is loved and wanted, and not wondering why she/he was given up or believing they are somehow difficient (as I did).  

If my child said she didn't want to parent her child, I would do all I can to convince her that she is capable & loving enough to raise her own child, and let her know I'm there to help.  And if she didn't want to, I'd be there to raise the child myself (with her agreement).

ETA: My dream is to have a home for expectant mom's where they are allowed to decide for themselves their own path & not pressured to make any specific decision.  And where they'd have the emotional & practical support & encouragement to finish high school & attend college or trade school.  WHEN I win the lottery.... = )