Would you tell the truth to your friend if you though she was going to cause her fiance to leave?

Question

A friend of mine, my husband's best-friend's fiance has asked me three times for my honest answer and I keep dodging the question. She leads the question and phrases it "I know we're having troubles but don't you think he's being unreasonable?" These two have a 16 month old child. They ended up moving in with her parents when her parents moved to another town because she didn't want to be away from her mom.

My honest answer to her would be:

"Jack" moved to another city, leaving his friends and family to make you happy. "Jack" moved into YOUR parents house to afford the move. "Jack" spent 2 months jobless because of the move while needing to provide for a wife and baby. "Jack" now pays more than half of YOUR parents rent and is not on speaking terms with them. "Jack" could have gotten you your own place 3 months ago but you didn't want to move our of YOUR mother's house. Now when YOUR mother picks a fight with him, you're not even on his side. He's out there with no friends, no family other than you and the little one, he's further away from his other daughter and you can't support him, you're going to drive him away VERY SOON!

I know to be a good friend one should be honest but I think she's looking for me to back her up not attack her. I also don't like getting involved in other peoples business like that, I'd rather keep my mouth shut but she keeps asking.

Would you tell her the truth?

Answer 1

That's a tough one!

It's hard. No one wants their faults in their face like that but I think she needs to know. I'd tell her, but gently. Hard given there's no real gentle way to do this.

Perhaps by saying "It makes me uncomfortable getting involved" or "I'm only saying this because you keep asking..". It depends what sort of personality she has as to how she'll take it. If she's someone that plays the victim then nothing is ever her fault and she'll probably accuse you of taking his side. If she's reasonable and can accept blame hopefully she'll think about what you've said.

She needs to see that "Jack" isn't entirely to blame for problems in her relationship.

If you sugar coat something so that it's what she wants to hear it could just end up worse. I'd be leaning to tell her the truth, but just brace yourself. It could get sticky.

Hope I've helped. Best Wishes. x

Answer 2

yes- tell her but in a nicer way.hopefully she'll act 26 and realize what that your trying to tell her the  "reality"